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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relative burned through funds and now mooching

660 replies

coldcallerbaiter · 04/11/2023 22:41

AIBU to get involved? I have not said too much to him yet

So my cousin lost his parents in his 20s and got easily a million pounds in those days. He is around 60 now. Never had a job, playboy lifestyle in the Far East, womanising, divorces, no kids. Now he is back in the UK and has nowhere to go. Will not admit he is skint but then hints to live with my elderly mum in her spare room. He is not entitled to benefits as he never lived here and did not pay in or get credits. I do not know if he will even get a state pension later on. I think he should get a job and pay his rent somewhere but I doubt he will as working is beneath him, especially as it would be unskilled stuff, he wants to mooch off her. He has expensive tastes too and is in and out at night probably to bars. My mum is now phoning me worried in case he will not leave, also her quiet life is being disturbed

They are actually close as she was like a mother to him before he left to go abroad and were in touch all the years with visits.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 02/01/2024 16:59

PosterBoy · 04/11/2023 22:47

He'll be fine. He can claim benefits if he has moved back permanently and he'll get pension credit instead of pension once he is 67. You might need to intervene to get him to move out though. Are you close with him if your mother stepped in as a mother figure?

He'll need to establish "habitual residence" in order to get benefits.

I've come across 3 "habitual residence" cases where the claimant was a UK citizen returning from abroad, and in each of those the client was able to claim means-tested benefits after three months of living here. There's no actual rules on it though, just a ton of case law.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/01/2024 16:44

Hope things are going as planned @coldcallerbaiter

Once 'mission accomplished' you and your mum will need to take a few days to recuperate!

TomatoSandwiches · 02/01/2024 14:56

Checked my calendar and thought I'd pop in to see if there's any news? Good luck op.

LookItsMeAgain · 02/01/2024 14:21

I'm hoping that the OP is making an impromptu visit to her mother and the moocher to help him leave as agreed on 2nd.

Please do come back @coldcallerbaiter with whatever update you can on this situation. If he doesn't leave, I'd give some serious consideration of reporting the relative to the police for elder abuse.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/01/2024 13:24

I do hope OP will update this thread - I have been wondering if this mooch will actually leave. Fingers crossed for OPs poor DM.

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 12:30

Once out - block him on all platforms. He will be back soon enough, he knows a free ride when he sees one.

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 12:30

Your mother should never have accepted him into her home in the first place, he would have weaseled himself a free ride for years on her bank account, and tried to take the house and assets at the end by spurious means. You need to get him out today. No question.

binkie163 · 02/01/2024 12:24

I will bet he isn't even packed.

LolaSmiles · 02/01/2024 11:40

I hope he didn't suddenly come down unwell in the new year or find an excuse not to leave.
Can you and your mum get the locks changed? It might be worth keeping an eye on her credit score and finances too just in case he's done anything fraudulent in her name to access funds.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 02/01/2024 11:34

Hopefully at this stage his bags are packed and you're holding the door open for him OP.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 02/01/2024 11:33

I wouldn't be surprised if he's too 'unwell' this morning to possibly pack up and leave.

binkie163 · 02/01/2024 09:40

Good luck today getting the moocher out.

Nanaof1 · 01/01/2024 11:10

I hope everything works out and he will be gone in 24 hours.

He seems to have zero qualms about trying to take from anyone he can. I hope your Mom is protected financially from any abuse from the mooch.

NigellaAwesome · 01/01/2024 09:23

I suspect there will be a health emergency tomorrow.

binkie163 · 31/12/2023 20:54

Fingers crossed

peppermintcrisp · 31/12/2023 18:34

Not many people move into houses on the 2nd of January. Is he bluffing?

Riverlee · 31/12/2023 10:36

Shamelessly placemarking for the January 2nd/3rd update!

ThePoshUns · 31/12/2023 09:11

What an arse. You and your DM need to stand firm. Good luck .

AcrossthePond55 · 31/12/2023 00:20

coldcallerbaiter · 30/12/2023 22:01

Haha countdown to the 2nd.

The wheels are turning with arrangements.

Its not the end of the matter even when he leaves. He has laid it on thick already, saying he might as well be dead as he is running out of money. DM suggested he get a job (security guard, cleaner etc) he looked at her blankly. Him getting a job, how absurd.

I knew someone like that. When someone suggested she get a job if she wanted a certain lifestyle she looked as if that person was speaking Martian. It simply did not compute.

If he's troweling it on and you're worried about DM caving, maybe she could stay out of the house on 'moving day' and you or someone else could 'supervise his removal'.

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 30/12/2023 23:35

coldcallerbaiter · 30/12/2023 22:01

Haha countdown to the 2nd.

The wheels are turning with arrangements.

Its not the end of the matter even when he leaves. He has laid it on thick already, saying he might as well be dead as he is running out of money. DM suggested he get a job (security guard, cleaner etc) he looked at her blankly. Him getting a job, how absurd.

Hahahahaha

Cosmosforbreakfast · 30/12/2023 23:27

He's laying on the emotional blackmail very heavily. Be prepared for this leech to have some sort of excuse for why he suddenly can't move out on the 2nd after all. Be ready to move his stuff out and change the locks.

DriftingDora · 30/12/2023 22:08

coldcallerbaiter · 30/12/2023 22:01

Haha countdown to the 2nd.

The wheels are turning with arrangements.

Its not the end of the matter even when he leaves. He has laid it on thick already, saying he might as well be dead as he is running out of money. DM suggested he get a job (security guard, cleaner etc) he looked at her blankly. Him getting a job, how absurd.

I would have been very tempted to tell him that if he were dead, he would have no need to worry about money.

What a Drama Llama he sounds, as well as a creepy leech.

Original poster
coldcallerbaiter · 30/12/2023 22:01

Haha countdown to the 2nd.

The wheels are turning with arrangements.

Its not the end of the matter even when he leaves. He has laid it on thick already, saying he might as well be dead as he is running out of money. DM suggested he get a job (security guard, cleaner etc) he looked at her blankly. Him getting a job, how absurd.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2023 16:40

I admit, I'm just posting here for 2 Jan update.

Good luck @coldcallerbaiter I hope everything goes to plan.

DriftingDora · 29/12/2023 13:17

longtompot · 29/12/2023 11:56

From the op Thanks for asking! He did not come over to mine for Christmas but he is moving out from my mums on the 2nd Jan

Show quote history

Oh, of course. He's such an honest, upright, moral character that he's bound to go on 2nd Jan. 😆😆

Did he say which year?