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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want my name said correctly?

112 replies

WhereDoesItAllGo · 02/11/2023 23:49

My name is unusual, but follows English phonics rules. The same spelling is sometimes used by people shortening a different name with a zed sound, so their nickname is the same as my name, but with zed where I have ess. Unfortunately, some famous people have had this nickname, so the name with zed is known but my name with ess is unfamiliar.

For years I just tolerated my name being mauled. I can be quite shy and I was embarrassed to make a fuss. But I recently started in a new job, and felt it was an opportunity to establish my name correctly. It has been such an effort to stop people and remind them that my name is actually Xysss, not Xyzzz.

Six weeks on, some people are still zedding me. WIBU to start calling them Tom instead of Tim, or Ninny instead of Nina?

Just to add to the discomfort, my nearest more senior colleague, with whom I spend a lot of time and work very closely, has a slight lisp. I think this person may genuinely be unable to pronounce my name correctly. They certainly try, and they pronounce my name with a slight, blurry zed. Unfortunately the coworker who zeds my name the worst also works closely with us. How can I correct the one without humiliating the other?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereDoesItAllGo · 03/11/2023 16:59

Sorry about the busy and Lizzie thing. I did not spot that my phone had autocorrected Bessie to busy.

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 03/11/2023 12:44

I would be really happy to say your name with s, because I sometimes think it's difficult to say/pronounce z (my native language does not differentiate between those sounds.)
Obviously I will always do my very very best to pronounce names correctly!

I think you will just have to keep correcting people on your name.
Be firm but cheerful!

Good Luck!

windypumpkin · 03/11/2023 12:27

WhereDoesItAllGo · 03/11/2023 07:33

I think telling people what your name rhymes with when you are first introduced to them would help, as in the Issy, rhymes with Missy example upthread.

I do exactly that. This is a good example. I do not understand how people can read 'Issy' and decided that it says 'Izzy'. I am not 'Isabelle', and nobody ever assumes that I am from just hearing my name.

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation.

True. But this s/z difference is hardly a nuance. The lisping colleague doesn't differentiate between s and z in, say, busy and Lizzie, whereas the name-manglers do. So I doubt they can't hear it.

*You don’t.

You just don’t let it bother you. It’s not personal.

My name is Leila. Said Lee-luh way, I’ve spent my whole life being called random Lee/Luh/Lay sounds and it really doesn’t bother me as I know people hate to get it wrong and it only discomforts them if I corrected them.*

This has always been my attitude. Fair enough with people with whom you do not develop any kind of relationship. But TBH I'm getting fed up with it being constant with some people - especially when they tell other people what my name is (in introductions, for example).

Some people do not care that they get it wrong. It's quite clear when someone apologises, how they apologise.

Get their name wrong each and every time. They'll soon care.

AntonFeckoff · 03/11/2023 12:24

ManchesterLu · 03/11/2023 12:13

I have a friend called Sara (not Sarah) and she always gets called Zara. It drives me mad, never mind her. I'd absolutely have to say something, every single time.

Show quote history

I thought this was going to be the name, except Sara isn’t unusual. My childhood babysitter was called Sara but my mum always called her Zara.

I have a name that can be pronounced in a few different ways. I’ve found that 9/10 people ask me which I go by which is nice. However it doesn’t bother me if people mispronounce it. I can’t really imagine correcting someone every time. How do people who ‘correct, correct, correct’ have any friends? Sometimes you just have to let things go.

GrumpyOldCrone · 03/11/2023 12:16

I have a colleague in this situation. Her name follows normal English spelling and pronunciation rules, but some people still can’t seem to manage it. One person in particular speaks three languages but still can’t get her one-syllable name right. She’s given up correcting him.

ManchesterLu · 03/11/2023 12:13

WhereDoesItAllGo · 02/11/2023 23:49

My name is unusual, but follows English phonics rules. The same spelling is sometimes used by people shortening a different name with a zed sound, so their nickname is the same as my name, but with zed where I have ess. Unfortunately, some famous people have had this nickname, so the name with zed is known but my name with ess is unfamiliar.

For years I just tolerated my name being mauled. I can be quite shy and I was embarrassed to make a fuss. But I recently started in a new job, and felt it was an opportunity to establish my name correctly. It has been such an effort to stop people and remind them that my name is actually Xysss, not Xyzzz.

Six weeks on, some people are still zedding me. WIBU to start calling them Tom instead of Tim, or Ninny instead of Nina?

Just to add to the discomfort, my nearest more senior colleague, with whom I spend a lot of time and work very closely, has a slight lisp. I think this person may genuinely be unable to pronounce my name correctly. They certainly try, and they pronounce my name with a slight, blurry zed. Unfortunately the coworker who zeds my name the worst also works closely with us. How can I correct the one without humiliating the other?

I have a friend called Sara (not Sarah) and she always gets called Zara. It drives me mad, never mind her. I'd absolutely have to say something, every single time.

ManateeFair · 03/11/2023 12:05

But this s/z difference is hardly a nuance

Not to you, but to some people it is. My sister's name is Lisa and a relative of ours literally could not hear any difference between 'Leesa' and 'Leeza' despite my sister's many attempts to explain that 'Leeza' was wrong.

I also used to work with a Naomi who pronounced 'NAY-uh-mi' with the stress on the first syllable and another colleague always called her 'Nay-O-mi' with the stress on the middle syllable. When we tried to explain the difference she was utterly confused and just kept looking blank and saying 'But that's the same way of saying it?'

BridgeOverTheRiverWye · 03/11/2023 11:37

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation.
This.

I'm Coral. But always addressed as "Carol" by every health care professional, DD's teachers, any contact with the council etc etc.
I can only think people skip over what is written down and draw the closest comparison.
This

My name gets pretty much mangled unless I switch to using a shorter 'nickname'.

Any attempt to use the full version means it gets misspelled, usually by what I think might be attempts to make it into something they recognise as a name.

Not the name but something like Anneliese, known as Anna, getting Anneleise, Annalisa, Annalise, Anna-Louisa, Hannah etc

PuppyMonkey · 03/11/2023 11:33

I was with you OP till the busy Lizzy thing, now I’m wondering what you’re on about and what exactly is this name.

Schlurp · 03/11/2023 11:24

Oh Ok so they are saying it wrong.

The example you have given is a bit bizarre. Busy rhymes with Lizzie, hence the name of the plant Busy Lizzie. I know there can be regional variations but I can't place one for this. Issy is a pretty normal spelling of the nickname for Isabel which is, I would argue, standardly pronounced with a z sound. I know 3 Isobel/Isabelle's who are known as "Izzy" and they have various different spellings with s and z. The "s"s are from the spelling and thr "z"s from the phonetic sound. Either makes sense and is said with a z sound. Like when people shorten Thomas to Tom, they can choose to spell it like the original as Thom or more commonly spell it phonetically as Tom. We don't pronounce Thom and Tom differently, they both come from the original name. Similarly we don't pronounce Izzy and Issy differently when they are both common shortenings of Isobel/Isabelle/Isabel etc.

Still if you are Issy to rhyme with Missy then YANBU to expect people to get in right, and remind them until they do. But there seems to be a communication gap somewhere because I am not following your Busy/Lizzie thing at all and I suspect they are not either. Can you explain how you'd say them differently?

This would be so much more constructive if you would share the name.

x2boys · 03/11/2023 11:24

I think.some people are just lazy with names my now sadly deceased Sil, had a less comment variant of a more common name so.say Julia ,everybody but everybody. Would call.her Julie its just rude imo.

NamelessNancy · 03/11/2023 11:13

Sat here trying to make busy and Lizzie not rhyme. Bissie?!

Notmetoo · 03/11/2023 11:08

HardcoreLadyType · 03/11/2023 07:45

There is no difference in the s/z sound between busy and Lizzie!

I agree busy rhymes with Lizzie doesn't it? I can't detect a difference anyway.
And I agree with PP some people can not detect a difference between the s sound and the z sound is quite subtle

Didimum · 03/11/2023 11:04

To be fair, OP. 'Isabelle' is pronounced with the 'z' sound, as is the 's' in busy, so I think it's unreasonable to not understand how people can see 'Issy' and pronounced it 'Izzy'.

That being said, it's your name, it has a correct pronunciation and you should feel at rights to politely correct people.

saraclara · 03/11/2023 10:56

The lisping colleague doesn't differentiate between s and z in, say, busy and Lizzie, whereas the name-manglers do. So I doubt they can't hear it.

Sorry, what? There is no difference in the s/z sounds in busy and Lizzie!

PumkinPorridge · 03/11/2023 10:44

My name is nearly always said wrong and spelt wrong. It's a foreign name and not common. I really love my name. It's pretty and I feel lucky to have such a nice name.
It literally never bothers me if people call me the wrong name. I occasionally correct people but the fact somebody has said my name wrongs means absolutely nothing. Why should it? Even if it's because they are being lazy what difference does it make to me?
Lots of people have flaws, I'm not sure saying 'zz' instead of 'ss' is that bad.

PositanoBay · 03/11/2023 10:16

@WhereDoesItAllGo
How do you pronounce Xysss?

Is it Greek

HardcoreLadyType · 03/11/2023 07:45

There is no difference in the s/z sound between busy and Lizzie!

Zanatdy · 03/11/2023 07:37

You need to correct every time. Some people in my organisation have ‘pronounce my name and then phonetically / sounded out’ on their email signatures. If you don’t correct everytime they will keep getting it wrong. I always make every effort to pronounce names correctly

Original poster
WhereDoesItAllGo · 03/11/2023 07:33

I think telling people what your name rhymes with when you are first introduced to them would help, as in the Issy, rhymes with Missy example upthread.

I do exactly that. This is a good example. I do not understand how people can read 'Issy' and decided that it says 'Izzy'. I am not 'Isabelle', and nobody ever assumes that I am from just hearing my name.

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation.

True. But this s/z difference is hardly a nuance. The lisping colleague doesn't differentiate between s and z in, say, busy and Lizzie, whereas the name-manglers do. So I doubt they can't hear it.

*You don’t.

You just don’t let it bother you. It’s not personal.

My name is Leila. Said Lee-luh way, I’ve spent my whole life being called random Lee/Luh/Lay sounds and it really doesn’t bother me as I know people hate to get it wrong and it only discomforts them if I corrected them.*

This has always been my attitude. Fair enough with people with whom you do not develop any kind of relationship. But TBH I'm getting fed up with it being constant with some people - especially when they tell other people what my name is (in introductions, for example).

Some people do not care that they get it wrong. It's quite clear when someone apologises, how they apologise.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 03/11/2023 07:21

Delphinium20 · 03/11/2023 03:44

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation. It's why some second language speakers can sound native and others can't. And others may hear but can't replicate the same sounds. It's why some of us are musical and can hear pitch and some of us can't.

My last name is pronounced at least 3 different ways in my own family based on where we raised (my grandparents immigrated to an English speaking county). I never correct people because what's the point? They are saying my name but it's just their version of it. No one is trying to be rude.

I worked with a man who wrote the phonetic spelling of his name on most of his correspondences. While I could pronounce it, several on our team could not but they didn't realize they were mispronouncing it, so we'd be talking about him and half of us were pronouncing it "correctly" and the other half weren't.

I think you have unrealistic expectations of others on this issue.

This is so true, I used to work with some lovely Greek/Cypriot people and they literally couldn’t hear the difference between something like sheet or shit for example.

windypumpkin · 03/11/2023 06:51

NigelHarmansNewWife · 03/11/2023 06:47

I think telling people what your name rhymes with when you are first introduced to them would help, as in the Issy, rhymes with Missy example upthread.

This

NigelHarmansNewWife · 03/11/2023 06:47

I think telling people what your name rhymes with when you are first introduced to them would help, as in the Issy, rhymes with Missy example upthread.

AgentProvocateur · 03/11/2023 06:45

It’s easiest to just let it go. I’ve spent years working overseas, and no one ever pronounces my name correctly. And I’m 100% sure I mispronounce colleagues’ names. I know I emphasis the wrong syllable, but I can’t seem to stop doing it.

Loulou599 · 03/11/2023 06:43

*norm, not normal!!!

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