To want my name said correctly?

I have an unusual name and as long as no one trying to take the mick or their pronunciation sounds rude then personally I don’t understand people who get themselves into a pickle at people who struggle with their name. I have people who still spell my name incorrectly despite it being on lots or paperwork etc. I just laugh. I work in a job where I come across a lot of members of the public and sometimes struggle to pronounce their names even if have been told once, is easy to forget. Just light heartedly correct them without aiming to make anyone feel bad

Having your name misspelled and mispronounced all the time is annoying AF.

Mine is similar to a common name so people write it as that, even when it’s right in front of them. When it’s the sixth time in a day, it become really irritating.

Common courtesy demand that you make an effort to get people’s name right. If in doubt, ask. If you find it tricky, listen carefully and keep trying until you get it right.

If you keep practicing you should find you can just change the vibrations and keep your mouth and tongue in exactly the same place.
In real life when you’re in that situation where someone’s telling you you’re not saying it right you can play around with different things - like the length of the sound or how wide open your mouth is and where you tongue is exactly. There’s lots of factors that go into different sounds but in English /s/ and /z/ the important is those voicebox vibrations.

I am horrific with names. I mispronounce them all the time. It's a mental block that I just can't get over. I worked with a Lucina, pronounced Lu-see-ana. I pronounced it Lu-she-ana for years. Whenever she corrected me I'd think "I'll remember that" but then I'd do it again, convinced it was the right way.
Apparently I'm not alone in this, because I've spoken to lots of people who say the same thing.
The only 'cure' for me is to see it written phonetically. Then it sticks.

Oh thanks! That does work. Especially if I overemphasize the sounds and move my mouth differently for each one. One vibrates and the other doesn't and one I have to open my mouth much wider!

One becomes Is Cee and the other is Is Zee

Can you get someone to talk to people for you? Maybe get your manager on board and then she can say ‘oh xx said to me the other day that her name is actually pronounced xx’ when they mention you? It seems a bit less embarrassing for them if it’s not in front of you?

I can fix this for you.
So I’m assuming you can hear a difference between ´ssss’ on it’s own and ´zzzz’ on its own? If not, we’ll deal with it in a second.
But, assuming you make those sounds differently ; put you fingers on your throat over your voicebox - your ´adam’s apple’ or the place you’d expect to see an adam’s apple if yours doesn’t stick out at all. Say ´sssss’ then say ´zzzz’ - you will feel the vibrations in your fingers with the ´zzz’ sound.
Now day ´Busy Lizzy’ - both have vibrations - they have a ´zzz’ sound. Fuck the letters. English letter/sound correspondence is all over the show.
Now you can feel the difference you can ignore letters and put whichever sound you want in thz word. So you have a friend called ´Susan’ or ´Susanne’ or ´Suzanne’ with a ´z’ sound in the middle - you should hear a ´z’ and feel it in your fingers held to your voicebox. Great, now imagine you have a friend with almost the same name but she’s telling you there’s a ´s’ sound in the middle, not a ´z’. I don’t care how it’s spelt, you can do it. Say ´Sussan’ or ´Sussanah’ and keep trying till you can do it with no vibrations over the middle ´s’ sound.
If ´s’ and ´z’ always sound the same to you, lets try another pair of sounds first. Try telling someone to be quite ´shhhh’ - there should be no vibrations. Now try the first sound in French ´je’ or the middle sound in English ´measure’ - this one should make vibrations in your voicebox.

@CarolinaInTheMorning when it's done deliberately, it becomes harassment.

Of course there has to be allowances for those who simply cannot say the name, that's neither a micro-aggression or harassment.

It's the impact on the person whose name is being mangled that matters.

Some will not be bothered. Some will receive the message that they're the outlier every time their name is mispronounced.

Micro-behaviours are small things we do that have a big impact. They give away our unconscious biases.

It's especially important if your name is tied to your identity, your cultural heritage for example.

Loads of fantastic you tube videos on micro-behaviours, I'll see if I can find a good one.

Tin hat time. If I saw it written, and didn't know the person, I'd say it like in the Beethoven (German) music title Für Elise, that is Eleezuh

I have this issue with my daughter. Her name is Elise. I had only ever pronounced this as Eh-Leez (rhymes with please) and had not appreciated that 99% of people in the UK seem to say Eh-leess (rhymes with police).

My family and friendly have mostly got it now but others less so. I've corrected her childminder once, don't feel I can do it again really.

Her aunty said she couldn't hear any difference between the pronunciations but then she also calls my brother Fray-shier instead of Frazer. 🤦🏼‍♀️

My name is always mispronounced. It sometimes bothers me but usually I just ignore it. The worst though is when I’ve just said my name and they get it wrong. Say for instance I’ll introduce myself as Susan and they immediately call me Suzzanne. That pisses me off

Getting your name wrong is a micro-aggression. Especially if you've corrected them numerous times.

That depends. Intentionally getting someone's name wrong or making fun of a name from a different ethnicity is a micro-aggression, but certainly not for someone who cannot hear the different sounds or produce the different sounds.

I have a very good ear and almost always pick up the correct pronunciation on first hearing a name. My (now adult) son has a learning difficulty called auditory processing disorder. He often cannot pick up those distinctions and it's reflected in his pronunciation. This is just one example, but there are many others as well, including ones PP have mentioned regarding speakers whose first language is not English and who, as a result, have difficulty reproducing certain sounds.

I work with several people whose first language is Spanish and whose names have a rolled or trilled "r". I have a good ear so I can certainly hear it, but I can't reproduce it very well at all.

My friend Dea is always being called 'Dee' by people who, you would think, ought to know better. If I want to tease her, I'll say 'All right, Dee?' when we meet.

S and Z can be used interchangeably and I don't hear any difference really between Issy and Izzy or busy and Izzy.

Coral and Carol and Leylah and Laylah are different vowel sounds.

I get called LISA, ILSA, ELSA, ISLA, ILSE... One of them is my name. It really doesn't affect me in any way, I find it quite funny in fact - so much struggle with those four letters! And it's a bit of an "in" joke now.
I only correct people if I care to save them some awkwardness later on.

My name is pronounced wrong a lot of the time, and it has always really bothered me.

The times that I have tried to correct someone have not gone down well. I’ve been exceptionally polite about it and people just don’t like it. They’d rather continue to get it wrong than try and get it right, it seems.

Amd don’t get me started on my husband’s family who have decided to shorten my (two syllable) name to one syllable, which is a shortening that I never ever use, rather than just learn to say my name correctly.

My son’s secondary school has had every pupil record an audio of their name and it is on the school’s intranet. So that pupils and teachers can hear the correct pronunciation whenever they need to, and adopt it.

Is it simple like Liz/ Lis… or longer and with other blends that are tricky together?
Mine is simple in some ways, but actually puts together two consonants in a way that trips up British people- like having ts instead of having st. It confuses people even though the syllables are separate they are tripped up by this

Have you tried asking her to explain her mouth position when saying joely as opposed to how you pronounce it?

I think posible you need to keep your lower jaw a little tighter if it's the difference between oh and ow. Tongue position can be really helpful for sorting pronounciation issue's that you can't hear

Jesus christ it really isnt!

A Google of "My Name, My Identity " should give you what you need to explain to your colleagues why it's so important to get people's names right.

Tell us what the name is and we might be able to help with how to get people to pronounce it correcty?

Getting your name wrong is a micro-aggression. Especially if you've corrected them numerous times.

You need to be clear and correct them each time or find a sympathetic ally who will do it for you.

We all have biases (or preferences for a less accusatory term) and tend to slip into what's easiest.

So much of our behaviour is subconscious, it's unlikely to be deliberate (which would potentially be harassment). However, good intentions aside, it's the impact of this micro-aggression on you that matters. Does it make you feel excluded, unimportant? If so, you or your ally needs to voice this. Never assume the obvious is obvious to everyone.

I'll see if I can track down something on micro-behaviours that you can use to start a conversation at work.

That’s how I say it … like the name Joe with ly on the end. Joely! Then she says ‘no, it’s not Joely, it’s Joely’ and it sounds exactly the same to me. Sometimes someone else steps in to demonstrate how I’m saying it wrong but I can’t hear a difference at all!

I’ve tried practising on my own… I expect it’s a subtly difference between the ‘oh’ sound and ‘ow’ sound, particularly the slight ‘w’ sound. I can only just hear the difference when I say those two phonemes separately and can’t hear them at all in the name.

@Redvelvet24 , how do you say Joely?
I say it like Julie with an o not a u, to rhyme with Coley and Roly.

I know someone called Joely.

I can’t pronounce it correctly and it annoys her but I can’t hear the difference when she corrects me at all- it literally sounds like she’s saying it exactly the same way (when she models how it’s supposed to sound vs how I’m saying it). We’ve broken it down phonetically too and I just can’t hear a difference.