I should never have been a mum

You only have one. You will be okay

Been a single mum.
I know its hard.
It is, however, what it is.
Great moments, shit moments, please be compassionate to yourself.

This is Motherhood when you have no supportive partner. If he was doing his fair share you would not feel this low.
i dreaded going back to work, I was a mess but I think it actually made things easier. You have a chance to miss them and then the time together is of more quality.

All of this!! And you’re really not alone OP, don’t be hard on yourself, a lot of parents feel like this particularly in the early years. I had many of a dark moment of regret around that age! As my child gets older, those moments get fewer and fewer, I promise you.

I think the way you are feeling is normal. I myself feel like it often, as do other Mum's I talk too.

It definitely felt easier as my eldest got more independent and started sleeping at night. Meant I actually had time on the evening to myself. Since having the second I've lost that time to myself but I know it will I prove as I've already been at this stage once, which definitely helps me push through.

Back at work next work and dreading it.

This age group is really tough. I've got a 3 and 5 year old and i definately prefer this age group. I'm really not a baby person and found it incredibly dull.
Roll onto both of them being older and then you'll have more time to do stuff for yourself esp when your son is in school.

Every mum feels this way it’s not just you. None of our houses are ever clean from top to bottom. We all forget things. I have bills coming out of my ears, missed payments, send kids without correct kit/ letters etc to school. Basically we all just wing it. I agree with what others have said, you will probably enjoy going back to work and focusing on something other than the house/ your child. It sounds like your partner is not a partner at all! I’d give him an ultimatum now your going back to work. Tell him he needs to step it up.

Also to add, once theyre out of nursery and out of the very early years settings the colds coughs and bugs die down a little bit so you’re not taking so much time off to collect/stay at home. You won’t be the first snd only parent your boss has had to deal with and you won’t be the last.
If you WFH too you could ask maybe if you do have to pick him up from nursery you could stay logged on an hour extra the following week etc? My employer are very good about this. They also let me come in late if I have assemblies to attend as long as I make it up the following week etc

i was the exact same when my son was 1 until he was about 5. 😂. My situation similar with his father too, gives me about £30 a week but that’s as far as it went and now my son is nearly 11 I’ve done everything on my own. Weening, nursery days, first days of school, parents evenings, sick days, hospital visits the lot! I never hated my son but my god I hated his father for being able to have a life whilst I was and still am confined by school pick
ups, half terms, childcare etc.
It does get a lot better when they are older, you’re freedom restores, you find yourself wishing they’d spend more time with you instead of constantly wanting to be with their friends/in their room etc.
I love my son but I knew pretty early on I would only have the one. The idea of going back to the baby/toddler stage makes me go cold, just as thinking about the awful teenage years that looks ahead of me does too. 😂

I know all these things feel really overwhelming until you’ve done them, but honestly it is just the reality of being a working parent of young kids, millions of us do it and you can too! I promise your workplace will have seen it all before and will expect to need to cut you a bit of slack, and many of your colleagues will have been through it themselves also. Is your DS going to nursery? What are the hours like?

What kind of work do you do OP, any chance of working from home even once a week? That would make it a lot easier to manage if your baby is ill from time to time. Hopefully if there's a way you can manage it at home you won't need to use much of your holiday for that reason.

Do you have any support nearby who can help if you need unexpected childcare for a day?

I promise you he is happy OP, you sound like you're a mum that puts him first all the time, which is why you're feeling like this! I totally get where you're coming from with work. What's the childcare you've got organised? Managing toddler illness is a challenge for sure but childcare is a game changer, and if you're a hard worker and otherwise reliable your boss will understand the odd day off when your child is sick. Do you have any other support at all, from parents or family? What's the situation with the father- is he at least doing his bit financially? I know it's scary OP and a huge change but I promise you can do this and I really think you'll be happier in your new routine when it all settles down

Being a single parent must be very hard and I can’t imagine it but I do know that for me going back to work was the best thing. It allowed me the space to be a better mum when I was with dd. I would look forward to seeing her after work and enjoy the more limited time we had together although it was hard work to juggle work and childcare it was a better balance for me and more emotionally manageable as work is so different from childcare and allowed me to feel like me again.

I think what you’re feeling is normal, OP. I also think it gets better from here. I only started to enjoy parenthood once I went back to work, and having an older child you can communicate with is both easier and more interesting.

Kudos to you for managing this alone. I found it hard enough with a supportive co-parent.

This reads to me like all the classic symptoms of postnatal depression… you are not enjoying your child, brain fog, struggling to keep house tidy etc.

It is completely understandable as you have so much on your plate, but I would advise speaking to your GP… you might benefit from medication to help lift your spirits and get your mojo back 💐

Ah OP, I sympathise SO much. I have 1yo too and find trying to manage everything at home so overwhelming and I'm not even a single parent. The washing basket is overflowing constantly, there's always some clean washing to put away, always some on the dryers so I can't put a new load on. So hard to cook and prepare meals with 1yo clinging to my legs and wailing. So hard to even go through her clothes, her drawers are full of things that are too small where I just don't have a chance to sort through anything.

BUT I've been back at work nearly 2 weeks and it genuinely has helped. I am lucky that I work from home so I'm able to get a few bits done around work and slowly things are looking better.

It genuinely is so hard though and you're doing amazingly well to manage it by yourself.x

1. Work is fantastic. It gives you a break from being hyper alert to toddler dangers and the very unpredictable, yet mundane, nature of childcare.
2. Your son will keep getting more independent and interesting. One year olds are a danger to themselves and cannot be left alone. Two year olds can be left alone for short periods, can communicate in simple words and walk in the right direction more reliably. Three year olds can speak in full sentences, comprehend complex instructions and play independently.

I really feel for you. It must be so difficult doing this alone.

I found it actually got easier once I was working. Before I went back to work, I had no idea how I would fit everything in. But working has given more structure to our lives. Plus we‘re not at home making a mess which helps! Getting a break from being a mum and having adult conversations is a plus point too.

I really hope going back to work will be a turning point for you, even if you can’t quite imagine that yet

The first year is horrible they are a boring clingy unsleeping mess!! Why people talk fondly of newborns is beyond me it’s hell. I hated newborn till about 15 months And then it got better with better eating and playing and more fun until then I wondered what fresh hell I had walked into … I had to go back to work part time at 10 months just to feel half human

Im not in the same position as you in that I have a supportive husband but I definitely felt like this after my first. I worried about going back to work but honestly it was the absolute best thing for our family. Going to work and having a break from the grind that is day to day parenting absolutely made it more manageable. I am now 6 months in with my second and have moments of omg I hate this life but I remember how much easier it got being back at work and having them in childcare!

It is very repetitive this stage and the baby stage! I love my daughter but I don't always love being a mum and stuck in the same routine day in and out. I am back at work now and having some time to myself has definitely helped out, give yourself some credit as being a mum is one of the hardest jobs in the world ❤

It gets so much better so quickly - don’t worry, you will eventually be able to look back smiling at these days, as you munch your kale salad in a spotless home.
I think the first 2 years are the most intense.
As soon as your son is able to start some kind of nursery, you’ll have a couple hours a day to reclaim your mind and set your life straight.

OP you're doing great, it may not feel like it right now but I promise you one day in the future your child will not just love you but admire you for all of the effort you would have put into their childhood, my DD is now 19 and has not long started her first job, I used to hate the fact I had to return back to work after 6 months maternity leave, the guilt I felt at not being able to drop her off or pick her up from school, but just recently she told me how much she appreciated what I had done and the influence it had on her and her attitudes. Give yourself a much deserved pat on the back and good luck on your return to work I'm sure it will be fine