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To think someone must be able to do something - part 3

619 replies

PurpleLampShades · 01/11/2023 09:09

I never thought I’d be needing to start a third thread but here we are. The first two threads have been a great source of support for me so I’m going to carry on.

First Thread
Second Thread

Long story short - DS (17) has been in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started when he was 15, though I have no proof as they deny it. This has been going on since at least March 2022. SS, the police and the DSL at his college have all been involved and things from that front have been pretty much exhausted. He has been on CIN and early intervention plans, been visited/spoken to by the police, offered workshops, counselling, contact centre etc. The main stumbling blocks are DS’s refusal/inability to recognise the abusive and toxic situation he is in and the resulting refusal to engage with services to extract him from it.
She is abusive, manipulative and extremely controlling. She has isolated him almost entirely from friends, family and hobbies. She is destroying his self esteem, confidence and self-worth. She controls his phone, who he speaks to, where he goes, what he does. I know she has slapped him around the face more than once and was seen to put her hand around his throat while they were kissing once. I don’t know if there are other incidents like that. The remaining protective factor is that he is still managing to attend college, although attendance is a bit of a concern.

I am at the point of not really knowing what to do now. I feel like I’ve lost him.

OP posts:
AproposofEverything · 30/12/2023 17:03

Thinking of you and your son, Purple Flowers

Witchbitch20 · 30/12/2023 15:06

I hope 2024 brings you peace.

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:16

Like the PPs I've also been thinking about you Purps. I hope everything is okay with you and your DS ❤️

AlmaCogansFrockFan · 30/12/2023 11:25

Sending good wishes and hope that he will see the truth x

Dancingonaslice · 30/12/2023 09:40

I’ve been thinking of you @PurpleLampShades

Sending love and strength for 2024.

CaroleSinger · 29/12/2023 13:42

Sadly I have a feeling he didn't show up at home for Christmas. 😞

RandomMess · 25/12/2023 20:51

Thinking of you Purple x x

Thedogscollar · 25/12/2023 19:58

Hi @PurpleLampShades hope your day has gone well and 2024 brings new beginnings and all you wish for. X

Georgieporgie29 · 25/12/2023 11:37

Thinking of you today Purple and hoping you hear from your Son ❤️

Theoldcuriosityshop · 25/12/2023 11:25

Thinking of you especially today X

Bippertyboo2 · 24/12/2023 17:03

Thinking of you and wishing you well x

Justalittlebitfurther · 24/12/2023 10:02

Thinking of you especially at this time of year @PurpleLampShades.

Sauvblanctime · 22/12/2023 18:10

Hey @PurpleLampShades

i hope you’re doing ok, any news on your son? X

Thedogscollar · 22/12/2023 06:40

Hi Purple as others have said still thinking of you and your ds, still hoping things turn out OK for you both. So sad another year has gone past and the situation is still as it is.
Wishing you a 2024 of great changes in your relationship with your son and 🙏that awful woman becomes a distant memory.💜

Dancingonaslice · 21/12/2023 22:43

I keep thinking about your too purple with Xmas coming up. I hope you have some plans to see friends and that you manage to have some happy moments even though I’m sure it’s such a difficult time for you.

WavyLines11 · 21/12/2023 21:42

Ditto hope you're doing as well as you can be purple Flowers

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 21/12/2023 21:11

And me purple x

LizzieRose16 · 21/12/2023 16:03

Have also been thinking of you Purple xx

AngelontopoftheTree · 21/12/2023 13:48

Just to say, thinking of you Purple
My one wish for you for Christmas is that your lovely DS comes back to you 💜💜💜

Spencer0220 · 19/12/2023 01:30

Any update @PurpleLampShades

Dancingonaslice · 09/12/2023 13:37

Hope you are as ok as you can be given everything purple?

There are a few odd comments on here which I hope you can pass by and ignore. Ill be generous and say they might have happened upon the thread late and without all the context but also some are just ridiculous.

Im sure you must be going over that recent contact with DS and the issues about money, him visiting and then silence again. I think the fact you had chance to reiterate you love him and your door is always open is crucial and won’t have been wasted.

There will be ups and downs and moments where he can see a bit clearer and others where the abuse and control blinds him to anything but doing her bidding and trying to make her happy or keep the peace.

But he only needs one significant moment of clarity and it may be nearer than you fear.

CoraPirbright · 07/12/2023 20:54

We are all with you Purple and wishing you all the love and strength in the world.

What will you do about money around Christmas? If DS doesn’t have very much in order to buy the girlfriend all the presents she will no doubt be demanding, it may lead to more contact with you (where you can express your love for him and being his safe place) or even some sort of horrible row between them which will precipitate the end. Really hoping this might be the beginning of the end.

The poor lad might well need some sort of counselling to help him come to terms with just how much she has been abusing him. What a vile specimen she is.

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 07/12/2023 08:08

Hoping you get some communication again soon.
What his recent attempt to contact you and then drop you again tells me is that he knows you are there, he is aware there is money and he knows how to manipulate your feelings. That is quite sad in itself.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 06/12/2023 21:19

Oh purple. So sorry things are still so hard and he's unable to see what a manipulative monster she really is.
I bet she took his phone charger to the spa. 🤬
But! He's taken some steps hasnt he? I feel he's going to see the light soon I really do.
You're doing amazingly well. I'd have hired a bloody hit man by now (joking!! Sort of....)

Spencer0220 · 04/12/2023 16:28

Hope this week brings better news