Adult children moving home

I think there is also a bit of maybe fussing over them a bit when they were back from uni for visits (I'm definitely guilty of that) so that their expectations are maybe too high.

OP ignore the shouty teen on this thread. I read something a while back about how social media has broken the generation bubbles or lines. It used to be that teens teened and mid life people mid lifed etc. Now teens feel they can give their view to everyone and it's as valid as anyone's despite the lack of life experience. I remember really really thinking I knew everything at 20 and the older I get the less I actually do 😀

Anyway pp have given good advice. I was going to suggest locking the main fridge and getting a small desk top one if you have space and the same with cupboards. Then getting paper plates. Not a permanent solution but one that might show him what adult shared house living looks like. I remember living in a shared house of 7 and having to keep my cheese in a bag hanging out of my window to stop the cheeky feckers stealing. It wasn't all roses sharing a house and he should realise how good he's got it.

It is tricky to readjust when they return. What is his plan for work in the future? He needs to be doing more than 4 hours per day.

Decide what bothers you the most. I don't care what time my DDs get out of bed. I do care about mess being left around and unwashed dishes etc so I'd focus on that. Have a conversation about the food, not eating all yours etc.

Oops! Sorry! :-)

a conversation about what you expect (can be in terms of respect/chores/money) needs to be had and if there's any grumbling, then the line "well, if you think there's somewhere better to go, be my guest" with a big smile, could be used 😁

Do people think life under Labour would be any better 😂😂😂 do people not remember Tony Blair?!

Give them 4 months to get a job and a year to save up some money, then, see ya!

Huh? Under Labour many of us lived at home after uni. I turned 18 in 2000. People really have bizarre perceptions of things.

I’m quite looking forward to Labour getting in, and Britain becoming a utopia again, according to some posters.

OP - Yanbu, read him the riot act.

I have one aged 23 who never left and potentially 22 year old arriving back in the summer next year.

Definitely ground rules need to be established, explain you don't want to nag...

As for politics, I bought my first flat age 18 (working, no uni) in 1984 after nearly 10 years of tory rule so I'm not quite sure if it's party political, economic or people specific. Was brought up labour voting but will now vote for whoever will keep out the SNP so no axe to grind.

There are lots of factors involved and these will vary depending on location too, but one thing I have noticed is that often ftb want more than we did. We were happy to get a small flat in a dodgy area and work our way up, I appreciate buying/selling costs will make people reluctant. Also I think we have spoiled our DC to be used to being able to have gadgets and takeaways etc whereas I had nothing new and lived on pasta with butter a lot.

Obviously all that is a bit clichéd and not applicable to all.

I do really feel for folk trying their hardest and getting nowhere.

Huh? Under Labour many of us lived at home after uni. I turned 18 in 2000. People really have bizarre perceptions of things.

honestly, if my dc was messing up the house and leaving dishes etc I would lose my shit and maybe threaten a tent in the garden.

Hark! Is that the sound of the world's teeniest 🎻?

It's pretty normal not to be able to afford to buy or rent a house straight out of university and it was 30 years ago too - next move is normally a house share. And still not sure what that's hot to do with leaving dishes in the sink.

WOAH!! Whats going on on mumsnet?? So many hostile replies?? Op, just have a chat with your child and explain what your expectations are now they are back home. Also give them an opportunity to tell YOU what their expectations are. Then reach an agreement. As you said they are an adult, so you have to treat them as such. Good luck x

Getting up at 14:30

Surely that part is good, at least?

If they're still comatose in their kip, at least you have the place more or less to yourself until 14:30?

The rest of it - you need to establish some ground rules. I'd start with telling them to buy their own food or make a contribution to the household shop.

Maybe if these “adults” actually got out of bed before 14:30 they maybe could get a job and afford their own housing.

What has this got to do with them behaving like ignorant slobs?

How come he's only working 4 hours a day - aren't most graduates in full-time jobs by October?

I completely get that he needs to be able to operate in a neurotypical world. However, the amount of energy that it takes for someone with ASD to do this is intense. Home needs to be somewhere that he can unmask and unwind - he can't continue masking 24/7, so I think maybe you need to ease your expectations a bit there. If that won't work for you, then I don't think this living arrangement will work, so other options need to be considered.

Where is his girlfriend now? Can they get a place together?

I just have always been of the view that he has to fit in with a world built for neuro typical people no one is gonna to make allowances for him in the world.

Really?

He is disabled, so actually allowances can and should be made.

Perhaps he needs some support in advocating for adjustments rather then an expectation he needs to 'fit'

That poster you’re replying to seems to have wandered away from Twitter/Tumblr and has been giving very ‘I hate all adults’ rants on several threads. As a PP said, they’re not worth the attention.

Tell them get a job and live in a shared house like other adults

Yes but he ‘readjusted’ his way of living over years of being at university, it’s not as simple as ‘three months to get back to reality’. I have two autistic children so I’m really not trying to preach to the choir here, but his mindset is now ‘I can live as I please’. Telling an autistic person they must fit in to the social norms isn’t going to help much, eventually he will burn out from expectation and you may well find yourself being a carer for him long term.

I think that you both need to come back to step one, rebuild the expectations of the household. You both need to reevaluate reality - for him what the basics are to be an adult looking after themselves. For you, remembering that changes in lifestyle can be difficult for someone with autism to readjust to when they have been living in their comfortable ‘bubble’ for the last couple of years.

Why does it matter how the parent voted?
I am a parent of a newly returned home adult child.
Have voted Labour all my life . Have been on protest marches, am a trade union member, am NOT a boomer as that would make me in ny 70s.

None of it is relevant to the fact that it is inconsiderate of an another adult to throw wet towels on the floor!

Sorry, @VeridicalVagabond
I clicked Post instead of preview🙈
I have 2 adult DC at home. I’ve broken down the chores so we all (4) do 2 a day. DC pay keep - they have to work to be able to live under our roof!