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Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
SGANDRUE · 28/10/2023 09:09

I call my DS 'child' or 'the child' . I don't know why and I still do it. He's 24 now! I love him to death and I chose his name.

Housebuyer22 · 28/10/2023 08:57

My niece and son were born 4 days apart, we always called them ‘the babies’ as they were the only two children in the family for 5 and half years.

They will be 10 in February and when we are talking about just them two (not the other 3 babies that have come after them) we call them ‘the babies’ and everyone knows who we are talking about.

I personally don’t think it’s a big deal- the child/children know they are loved and have family/people who are always there for them. Not every child gets that!

TammyJones · 28/10/2023 07:10

SammySays · 26/10/2023 23:12

In my family ‘the baby’ is a term of endearment. I’m in my 30’s and I’m still referred to as ‘the baby’ as I’m an only child. My mum will quite often say (if on the phone to my dad for example) “I’m just with the baby and then I’ll be home”. I don’t mind it- they could call me worse 😂

That is so sweet 🥹
Op you're probably tired / stressed / hormonal... I know I was

I'd have loved my in-laws ti hsve said/ we'll look after the baby for a few hours while you rest - but they didn't - ever
Maybe if they had (or if dad and step mum ) had also said it , maybe my marriage would have survived

FTM2B1 · 28/10/2023 06:36

I'd have been annoyed by "thingy" but I dont think "the baby" is anything to worry about. As PP have said, they're usually "the baby" while they're in your tummy and that kind if just continues. I still refer to my LO as "the baby" and she's nearly 1 and a half! But she's my baby, and she's the baby of the family so in a way she is the baby.

Angelina1972 · 28/10/2023 03:22

Are your ILs from Liverpool? If so Scousers do call the baby of the family “the baby”. My friends youngest daughter is 19, youngest of 4 and is called “the baby”. It’s a term of endearment. I think it’s cute.

HoppingPavlova · 28/10/2023 02:17

@2welshmums My DD is 5 next week and MIL and SO's family still call her 'The Baby'. It pisses me right off! I do correct them, she is not a baby, there are children in the family younger than her but they don't listen

Is she the youngest in your own nuclear family though? If so, what they are saying makes sense as she is the baby of YOUR family, irrespective if the larger family has younger ones, cousins etc. However, if your daughter has younger siblings, then that’s odd.

HoppingPavlova · 28/10/2023 02:14

We always called our babies ‘the baby’, as in ‘who’s getting the baby’, ‘can you get the baby dressed’, or if we went in to greet them ‘hey baby’ It just seemed more normal than using their name.

AutumnColours9 · 28/10/2023 02:09

Mine did this and it was because they didn't like the name

AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2023 02:01

I don't think calling a baby 'baby' is a big deal. It's pretty normal to say "Do you want to hold the baby" or "The baby needs changing".

My dad's youngest brother was called 'the baby' for so long that 'Babe' became his nickname. So my cousins and I had an 'Uncle Babe'. And Uncle Babe (born when his mother was 52) ended up the biggest of all 8 boys.

2welshmums · 28/10/2023 01:09

My DD is 5 next week and MIL and SO's family still call her 'The Baby'. It pisses me right off!
I do correct them, she is not a baby, there are children in the family younger than her but they don't listen!

Snorkmaidenn · 28/10/2023 01:05

The youngest in the family is always called the baby according to Londoners. My children were the baby until they were eight and I had four. It's just traditional, don't worry.

TheTempest · 28/10/2023 00:59

My DD is still the baby and she’s 14 😂

Luckyduc · 28/10/2023 00:58

In Scotland we would say exactly what your mother in law says and it's meant as something caring and sweet. Reading what you said I thought thought were abit odd

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 28/10/2023 00:45

I still call my 17 DD baby girl, don’t see what the issue is, worse things could be happening to you.

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/10/2023 00:26

Changethetoner · 26/10/2023 23:13

My husband and I called our baby "the baby" for weeks. It felt odd to use their name, and took a while to get used to doing so. During the pregnancy we'd talked about "the baby" and it just kind of continued.

A newborn baby is kind of just a blob, and it was hard to associate them with a person, a person with a name.

So I think you're being unreasonable. I'm sure in time, the grandparents will realise the baby is in fact a human person, and start using their name.

This.
I'm sure the GPs will start using DD's name when she is a bit older.

novalia89 · 27/10/2023 23:41

Grandparents in my family do this for their own grandchildren for about a year. It’s just a cultural habit.

Longtalllizzie · 27/10/2023 23:38

My MIL has referred to each of my children as ‘the babe’ until the next one came along. Used to drive me INSANE!! Just use their proper name ffs!! But now she has other younger grandchildren they have subsequently been ‘the babe’ so at least she uses my children’s actual names now. I totally understand how you feel.

Pollywoddles · 27/10/2023 23:01

I call my toddler baby and myself and my husband call her ‘the baby’ when we speak about her. I think you’re reading too much i to it. However I’d be very annoyed about ‘thingy’.

Fifisneighbor · 27/10/2023 22:54

I'm the youngest in my family so my mom always called me the baby. I'm almost 60 and will still answer to it. This is not really worth getting upset about.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 27/10/2023 22:26

I was a single teen mum when I had my son. Both my DPs adored him. My DF called him 'the bairn' when asking/talking about him, and 'big lad' when seeing/speaking to him. This literally went on until DF passed away when my DS was 30. (My DF also helped pick his name and hardly ever used it!)

Caswallonthefox · 27/10/2023 22:04

I was rather miffed when ds1's nanna referred to him as 'it', not long after he was born. She was informed that he was a he not an it. I think I'd remind them that 'the baby' has a name, dontcha know.

therealcookiemonster · 27/10/2023 22:02

I think you are perhaps getting the wrong end of the stick@Motherofpearlxoxo

in my family no one ever calls children by their name, unless they are in trouble! I don't think I have ever called even my brothers by name it's always some sort of endearment. and until the next baby is the family arrives, the current baby is referred to as baby or munchkin or whatever even in third person at all times. its just a way of expression affection. even our cats are always referred to as 'baby' lol

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2023 21:53

I asked DH where “the baby” was earlier as I couldn’t see our 6 month old. I admit I’d temporarily forgotten his name, I’m very tired. But even when I remember his name he’s called that.

The regional thing is interesting. Our northern friend refers to his older brother as “our kid”.

pennyfest · 27/10/2023 21:52

I have a friend who referred to her daughter as 'baba' when she was born, as did most of her family. She's just turned three and is still known as 'baba' which feels a bit odd!

FoleyHuck · 27/10/2023 21:49

I think it's quite natural to refer to a tiny baby as 'the baby'.

A colleague that's on maternity let me know today that she's popping in to the office next week and despite us all knowing her Son's name it feels more natural to tell the team that 'Sally's bringing the baby in on Monday morning'.