I pay for everything in relationship

Honestly, do you see him changing once his debts are paid off? Do you think he's going to do a 180 turnaround and start showering you with gifts?
Not that that's a good thing, but at least will he pay his way? Is he generous with his time and effort?
I'm doubting it...

And then he still didn’t buy one like come on. What a piece of shit

Even when you don’t have much money you can still buy a cheap card and write it (unless both of your arms are in plaster - but you sound like a reasonable person who would have understood if that was the case!).

I would do what others have said and go away on your own - it will half your food bill. This doesn’t sound fair and I think if he still tried to do his fair share you wouldn’t be feeling this bad. It’s time to reevaluate and move on.

I hope you have a lovely weekend though x

If he is not doing his degrees or being accidentally in between jobs for a short time now, do your calculations and run. Too great difference between your lives and aims which would not lead to good things in future (or only in a very small % of cases, more likely that you would not be the lucky one).

why would his arm hurt too much to write a card? Is he disabled in some way?

Why does he use a foodbank, if he lives with family why don't they feed him, is there some story there?

Just stop paying for everything. No more dates unless he pays. No meals, no cinema, no nothing.

When I started seeing XH he had no money at all, so we stayed in and watched films. On his first weekend off, he took me on a lovely day out. I was with him for his company not for his money.

Maybe go on your birthday weekend and enjoy it, and then end it, or end it and take a friend with you instead.

But don't move in with him or have a child with him. He won't ever change, and he will never have any money.

In your other posts OP you say you are saving for a house deposit, you have kids, and this guy does not even please you sexually!

What exactly are you doing here? You have had plenty of advice on previous threads to let this one go, you clearly don't want to for some silly reason. Perhaps you like to be a martyr?

Get a grip, and then get to therapy. Think of your children.

I am with @Testina

YOU HAVE NO FUTURE WITH THIS MAN.

Free accommodation and free food... so his whole salary is being used to service debt/going into secret savings while you pay for his social life. It's total bullshit

You can never marry or have children with this guy. You can't build a life with him. I don't know how you can love a man that gives ZERO FUCKS about your financial security.

Run. Don't walk.

Why is he in debt?

Good debt = paying off uni fees so he can get a higher paid job, he's starting out a promising fledgling business, he bought kit that will help him make his business more productive ........

Bad debt = gambling, poor financial decisions that could / should have been avoided....................

If it's bad debt you just need to dump him.

If it's good debt, you need to work out if it is the debt or if he is a sponger &/or a miser.

If he's a sponger / miser you need to dump him - your life will be miserable with him.

If it really is about clearing the good debt, then he really does need to put more effort into your relationship.

TBH he's not sounding great.

No no and fucking no! I am a soft person, recently split up from husband due to his gambling and always getting us into financial messes and being skint and honestly you need to run! It is unnattractive, he will never be a team, the bills will fall to you to sort alongside the stress! It's pure ick vibes and if he can't afford these things then he shouldn't go in the first place, he is a freeloader. DO NOT move forward with the boy unless you want a hard life!

He actually disgusts me! He is using food banks so he can pay off his debts!Food banks are for people in dire straits! Who cannot afford the basics. As a pp said, no debt company would leave him with not enough to eat. Or to get your girlfriend nice birthday. Ditch.

Mate, you might be being had a little.

He’s using not having money, which is a perfectly valid reason not to do something, to treat you badly, and there’s no excuse for that. He hasn’t treated you well either in the huge bits of the relationship that are cash-free zones.

Clincher: He hasn’t done any of the nice relationship stuff that’s free. No birthday card? I bet he played the pity card.

RUN!!
He is using you as his ATM, dont waste your time on him.

Sorry OP - you need to throw this one back. Find someone who treats you as an equal and not as a cash machine.

I voted YABU. You are unreasonable for putting up with this shit when you've got no skin in the game. He is not in a situation where he can afford to be in a relationship. He's using you. No decent human would agree to have their dates funded in this way. They would refuse to go out unless they could afford to go halves. Up your standards!

How old are you both OP? I would advise to not tie yourself to this person by moving in with him until at the very least he has cleared his debts and is showing some financial responsbility.
If you don't want to pay for everything (understandable) but want to stay with him, just find inexpensive/free things to do to spend time together. That in itself is a sacrifice if you want to be off out and having fun.
Do you know what his debts are for and how much? If you are considering a life together you do really need this information to make an informed choice.
Its not as straight forward as dumping someone because they don't have money - but if it means your lifestyles and income don't align to some degree it will make things difficult.

This 100% . Read it again OP, and again and again. Then dump this pathetic user. If you don't he will leech of you for the rest of your life.

Op, why would you burden yourself and future children with a man who is shit at managing his money?

Mind you, keep him as a good friend or even a friend with benefits if you enjoy his company, but do not ever move together or merge finances as he will bring you down to your knees and if you have children you will condemn them to a life of poverty.

You may love him, but I am pretty sure he loves you because you make him feel safe and secure but honestly… but who who wouldn’t feel loved and secure with a partner that turns away from facing his relentless irresponsibility with money and even make up for it? Where is his dignity? Where is his respect for you? Why he doesn’t feel bad about sponging you? Does he assume he is doing enough by keeping you company so therefore you should pay most of the time? If you are affluent you can be his sugar mommy but don’t become one if you can not afford it.

You are going out because you are paying, I bet that if you say you don’t have the money for going out he will move his attention to romantic nights in (for the sex and free food he would probably be getting) but when is it going to be his turn to be there for you?

Break the cycle, you don’t need a man who earns more than you or the same as you, you just need a man who is responsible with his money and who sees you as a team where he puts in as much as he takes.

Jesus, its like reading about myself 30 years ago...........
He never improved. In fact he became abusive. I moved in with him, my paying 50% of everything morphed into me paying 90% of everything while he hoarded money in his savings ( didnt find that out until after Id left, he told me he had a loan and was helping out an ill family member....). He also tried to get a car in credit in my name but I refused to sign ( of course the payments were coming out of my account. I couldnt even drive then. ) 9 months we lived together. He had all of my savings- about £3000plus . My last month I was only eating at work ( meal was included as 12 hour shifts ) because he had to send the housekeeping money to help family ( bollocks, he was in fact eating out during the day)
Fucking run op !

Even if he does pay for that meal whilst you are away for the weekend - would that really be enough now ? STOP discussing him moving in, and START going out with other friends who pay their own way. If he wants to see you, stick to zero/low cost activities like going for a walk, cooking a meal together at home and watching Netflix/a dvd. And wait see what he does....

You're doing an awful lot of things that aren't cheap - cinema, mini golf, drinks and meals out, weekend away - and he's using food banks to eat. He can't afford this lifestyle. You either suck up paying ( I would find this deeply unattractive ), do cheaper things like going for walks or evenings in, or leave him.

@Mydogisamentalist , assuming that you have a dog from your username, that's what your boyfriend is. Like with your dog, you pay for everything in return for company and affection..

we don’t live together but have talked about moving in together in the future ... I’m finding that I’m repeatedly paying for nearly everything and it’s really starting to grate.

Don't let him move in and don't get pregnant. He'll be a cocklodger and will probably do a runner when you ask him to pay his way.

He could get help with his debts and their management and nobody can just can't keep popping to the food banks for food, as most have referral schemes and will stop after giving out a fixed number of parcels, as it is not an option for saving money, but for those without any! CAB, Step Change will help and he needs to be talking to someone to deal with the debts and not simply failing putting his hand in his pocket, as that's behaviour that will continue. He is treating you as a meal ticket and that does not bode well for the future at all!

I think he is using you to pay off his debts.

It may not be deliberate, but if you haven’t complained and seem happy to pay for everything, he might just think he lucked in. He may or may not be using you. It’s possible he cares for you and will start paying out if you let him know how you really feel.

Im afraid it means a serious sit down chat. You could phrase it as you are going through financial difficulties yourself and can’t afford to pay all the time. You could also offer to help him budget his finances.

The only way to know for sure would be to know how much he is putting towards his debt each month. If he’s a good’un he’ll offer to let you see everything.

I hate to say it but this poster has nailed the situation based on your opening post @Mydogisamentalist .

If you see this relationship going anywhere, you need to have a conversation with him and say that the current situation is not sustainable so he has to do something about that.

I genuinely hope I'm wrong here but I can't see it lasting much longer.

Please get rid OP. He is a taker and I've been there and done that. It cost me thousands. I'm so glad we ended but it was hard. You deserve better.