Friend expects me to order everything

I find this really hard to believe, no one is really this wet in real life are they?

"Get stuffed, I'm not your secretary" should do it. Sounds like she's not really a friend anyway so you're not going to be missing much if she flounces off.

If this is real. Which is isn't.

That happened to me too. In the end I just said, I can't because I'm close to my limit."

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts Option 2 is dishonest too.

Tell her to use PayPal

I honestly wonder how some people manage to function at all with threads like this.

You say no, that is the only answer.

Don’t do this. You have no need to lie. Just say you’re not doing it anymore.

Thats so weird! Is she very elderly? I do this for my granny who is 96.

Anyway, assuming she is not in her late 90s or has some form of disability that makes it difficult for her. Just say nope.

Option 1: say no when she asks.

Option 2: tell her now that you can’t help her anymore. You were scammed. There is an issue with the money transfers etc.

Option 3: don’t respond immediately. Be unreliable. “Oh, so sorry, but I had a busy few days. I can have a look this evening if you still want it…”

I do not like option 3. It’s messy, drawn out and dishonest.

but it would be a solution if you’re truly incapable of saying no.

Start blanking those messages. Answer fjr anything else but if she’s hey can you order me….blanked

All you’re going to get on here is people telling you to say no. Rightly so, because it’s the only solution.

What your actual question should be is ‘Why am I unable to say no to this person?’

I voted YABU because ffs, just tell her you’ve had enough!

@QueenOfTheLabyrinth this actually sounds a possibility. Although how would they be getting their money back if the OP is buying goods with it? If they were returning them and being repaid into their account, yes money laundering but the returns would go to OP, not the friend wouldn’t they?

If the only reason she gets in touch is to instruct you to order things online for her that's not much of a friendship, is it? Say no and see how much she's in touch then. No need to lie, just say you don't want to do it.

Just say "no". If you need an excuse either your card has been scammed.
Give her an invoice charged at 50 quid an hour (minimum unit of time 30 minutes) for your assistance?

Say you’re not able to do it any more.
Tell her to get a credit card if she doesn’t already have one and then her online payments will be protected.

Is she not able to get to any shops? Because obviously that’s the thing to do if she can’t buy online.

Sorry, it’s just too much of a faff. I’ve got more than enough stuff of my own to see to.

Your finances must look so weird, lots of cash transfers in with no obvious source of income for it…? It’s the sort of thing banks pick up on when you do mortgage applications.
I think the response about Christmas coming and she needs to get it sorted is a good one. Then No, and repeat.

I'd just say no.

With that being said I would also be asking if she is alright, this seems very extreme. Presumably she must pay her bills etc with her card details registered somewhere or go out of the house and use her card, all of which carry the same 'risk'. I think I'd want to understand if she was struggling with anxiety or similar and what if, anything could be done to access help if that were the case.

CAUTIONARY TALE

As an aside, is she paying you in cash? How well do you know her? Do you know where the money is coming from?

I had an old school friend who would pop up now and again, asking me to order things online (citing internet security as the reason he couldn’t do it himself) but turns out he was MONEY LAUNDERING his drug money! He used multiple people to do it (who didn’t have contact with each other) so the number and value of goods wouldn’t look too suspicious to any one person, but when you times it by the number of people involved, it added up to £££££. Just like in your story, this was why he asked acquaintances to do it rather than his own family!

Not saying your friend is doing this but maybe highlights why it’s not a good idea to do things like this.

No is not a complete sentence. Why is it someone types that on almost every thread?

Many women have been conditioned to please rather than express autonomy. You're lucky if you're not one of them and no, it isn't simple to change one's personality on a moment just because someone on the Internet thinks you should.

No is a complete sentence.

Alternatively, you say pretty much what you've said in your OP: "I'm not your secretary."

A friend of mine is like this with Facebook. We’re in a country outside the UK where the main sources of information are the various English-language Facebook groups, especially if you don’t speak the local language well (she does not). Always asking me to post questions on her behalf to find out things she wants to know. Just join FB, for goodness sake! It’s not a cult. You can just join a few groups to ask the odd question in, and then ignore the site the rest of the time, if you like.

Wait, she won't use her own information online but it's OK for you to put yours at risk??

First of all, if she'd refuse to be friends with you if you didn't order for her, then why would you want to be friends with her? What are you getting out of this relationship?

Also, I don't know anyone who's more paranoid than I am about personal/bank information and I simply use PayPal. There are other services that are similar, like Apple Pay and others. The idea is that only one company has access to my information. I never have to enter card details anywhere and won't order from companies that don't have PayPal. PayPal's entire business model is based on security, so the risk is low.

It is perfectly reasonable to say, "I've been happy to help, but I can't do it anymore. Why not set up a PayPal or Apple Pay account or talk to someone at your bank? Let's go out for coffee this weekend."

I voted YANBU to want to stop but UABU for continuing. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and making you do it.

All you need to say is "no, sorry I just don't have the time" and rinse and repeat.

If she ends your friendship over it then she is no friend anyway