Friend expects me to order everything

It’s something I had to learn to undo. It’s when you realise that you’re trying not to offend/upset someone who consistently offends/upsets you.

OP say no and after that I wouldn’t even acknowledge any further texts asking you to order stuff.

"It's too much of a hassle"

Say no. If she asks why just say it’s taking up too much of your time.

And why do people want the OP to invent reasons for saying No? 'No' covers it.

I had a friend who'd do this

We worked together and it as getting to the point she'd have seen something she wanted me to order every other shift-i didn't mind the first or second time,but after a few months of it,I was starting to get pissed off

The reasons where,I have an ebay account and she didn't want one (fair enough),she was scared of getting scammed/having her card details hacked (OK for me to run the risk) and she 'doesn't trust other sites like amazon or vinted etc'

It was starting to wind me up (I'll do a favour for anyone)

I had to hunt down what it was she wanted,(daft things like arthritis support thingys for fingers,certain socks made of unicorn wool or bags of sweets,that nobody's ever heard of,but her son likes) order it,wait for it to be delivered and deliver it to work-and then chase her for the payment ('oh but its only a tenner') and deal with returns if needed-I'd end up paying out of my pocket (if she paid upfront in the first place) and waiting on the refund

It came to a head when she came in raving about some haggis she'd bought and someone asked if she'd got it from the butchers

Nope,she'd ordered it online-,straight on,found it ordered it and scoffed it within an hour of it being delivered

Wasn't bothered about her card details being nicked when she wanted something fast

I stepped back from this piss taking and haven't heard from her since

I've now stopped being a people pleaser-which is a hard habit to break-i ask dp or my adult children and 99% of the time,they set me straight and I refuse to do it

Some people just find it very hard. I count myself among them. Everybody's different.

I find this incredible also. How hard is it to say ‘no im not doing this again, you’ll need to manage it yourself’

As a pp said. Next time she text, just send back 'hi x I don't have time to keep ordering you stuff, you'll have to either do it yourself or find someone else to order with' if she comes back with 'I don't know how, or it'll only take a few mins' say 'if it only takes a few mins you can do it, or I've offered to show you how to do it's if she gets uppity then she wants a friend anyway so no great loss.

Come on now, @Dublinwife the solution is in your hands alone. If you keep doing things for her and then seethe about it things will ever change - that way madness lies. Why would things change as she's getting what she wants, whether you're happy to do it or not?

Email or message/WhatsApp her and say that, from this point on going forward you are no longer going to order anything online for her for whatever reason.

If she has a go at you or tries to guilt you just mute her for a few days then get some peace. If you lose her as a friend might that not be a good price to pay to stop being her doormat? 🌹

I've found the best response is a firm: 'I'm not ordering things for other people anymore. It's making it difficult to track my budget / not wanting to put my card details into sites I don't use / just don't want to do it'. Or similar.

Then: 'But, I'm happy to help you set up a Paypal /Amazon account (or whatever site she uses) and show you how to shop online safely so you can do it yourself. It's so much better than relying on someone else!'

If you don't hear from them, then you know that that's all you were.

Equally not changing things means you are a doormat.

If someone comes on to the internet and asks for advice then they can expect to be given a load of it - doesn't mean they have to take it but it kind of defeats the purpose of the exercise.

Either tell her no, or keep accidentally “forgetting”! OOPS, sorry, I forgot, will try to remember. Oh crumbs, so sorry went out of my mind…etc etc. Basically being so unreliable she gets nothing ordered. She will soon —find another mug-- do it herself

How about you don't want to order online with your card any more either in case you get scammed?!!

Talk about double standards!

I know, right!! So many threads like this. I wonder why... it must start in childhood - little girls being told all the time they must comply.

Stop being such a door mat OP.
Just tell her you don't want to do it any more and she'll have to do it herself.

just say 'no ' and don't do it. It's not rocket science. You could add "I don't want to ' but that's not essential.

You have to say no. Just say you are finding it difficult to budget and due to direct debits coming out, you don't want to be caught without the funds available in your account.

You have to be firm and tell her no, OP.

What is she worried about? Is it a cybersecurity thing? She doesn't trust her card details being "out there" on the internet because it's too risky? Then why should she expect you to take that risk every time she wants to buy something? She can go to physical shops and do in person shopping, like everyone used to and like most elderly people still do.

Is it just ineptitude? If so you're doing her no favours by letting her stay in her comfort zone like this.

Some sites like Amazon will let you store your card details meaning that you only have to do it once. Could she really not manage that? You create an Amazon account for her with her own card details saved and then all she has to do in future is click "buy"?

saying that she was scammed: yes, that, would (admittedly) be dishonest as well. I primarily meant that OP would be honest about the fact that she won’t continue to order for her “friend”. Whereas option 3 would leave her friend hanging.

the issue of the money transfers, proper bookkeeping etc.: that would be a real concern for me. I would want her to confirm (in writing) why I was given x amount of money and to confirm that I did not benefit financially or otherwise.

that might be a bit overly cautious on my part (probably influenced by my professional background). But the issue of money laundering, illegally gained funds etc. would be a very real concern (for me).

Has friend got a birthday coming up? just buy a pre-paid Amazon card for her, or for Christmas, show her how to use it, tell her where she can buy them from, done. No arguments.

Just say no, sorry I can’t do this any more. If you don’t want to order online then please ask one of your family members

^ This!

Blimey - just don't do it - see how she reacts when her on-line crap doesn't turn up

I don’t understand why you are allowing yourself to be annoyed in order to stop her being annoyed. Say, “No. This is too much now. I’ve done it twenty times. You need to order things for yourself. I’m not your PA.” And bloody mean every word of it.

Suggest that she gets herself a card with a fairly low credit limit. Then she won't lose too much if she is scammed. She's just lazy. But don't buy any more stuff for her. Many excuses if you need one - you're up to your limit on the card, broadband down etc. etc.