Friend expects me to order everything

Dublinwife · Today 13:49

Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

Well done OP! Let us know if she responds, but be prepared for silence until it gets nearer Xmas time!

A couple of messed up orders will give her the message.

She needs to understand how websites manage to keep her card details safe.

I used to be a bit like this and instead I would ring the company on the phone and order and pay with my card. My logic was that I was ringing a bonafide number so I was confident Marks and Spencer orJohn Lewis employees weren’t going to rip me off. When I eventually signed up for online delivery with Asda I got over my worries.

Whether you tell her how websites keep card details safe or send her the information is up to you.

An excuse that might work. When my Dd moved out I was buying her stuff to deliver to her new place. My credit card company refused to authorise some purchases because my address and the delivery address weren’t the same and this was unusual behaviour as far as they were concerned.

So you could tell her you have a new credit card and this will happen.

Just remember by not saying no you are continuing to enable her. She may just be lazy or have an unjustified but real fear. For her own sake she needs to be comfortable to do this bit of ‘adulting’.

My Dad used to ask me to order stuff for him online, it was annoying but he was my Dad and totally incompetent online so I did it. No way I’d do this for a friend. If you are feeling charitable tell her you will show her once, then she’s on her own. If you’re not just tell her no.

Take her money for the next order but don’t order it, then tell her you have been scammed, give her money back but tell her it was a faff getting the money back so you are not doing it again

Well done OP and don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong

oops sorry I missed your reply OP - well done!

Hey friend, this is now a PITA and I'm not going to do it anymore. thanks

Well done. If your friendship ends as a result, the friendship was already over anyway as it shouldn’t depend on you ordering things for her.

Explain to her that she can put her card on Amazon and when the order is placed, take it off. It also stops any chance of fraud.

I voted YABU because you are mad to let this continue. If that's really the only reason why you're friends, then lose the friendship!

Sorry friend but no, I don't have time to do that any longer.

My best friend would occasionally ask me to order clothing for her because I was at home more often to receive deliveries. She'd come round to mine, try on the clothes, decide she wasn't that bothered after all and then have me parcel them up and do the return for her as well! I.e. only send me the money if she decided to keep the item. I really don't believe she meant to be such a CF about it and it hasn't happened for years - she's a grown adult and capable of shopping online for herself, after all. But I remember it being rather annoying at the time and eventually I made excuses not to do it anymore!

She doesn't want her card info to be stolen but it's ok with her if your card info gets stolen. She's not a friend. Just say no.

Phew. Let us know her response.

JUST SAY NO. "Really sorry but it's taking up too much of my time and credit ordering things. Unfortunately the modern world means that we all need to be able to order things for ourselves online." If she protests, just repeat "I'm sorry but I can't order things for you anymore" ad infinitum until the message is received. Can she use a credit card (paid off in full so no interest incurred) so that if her details are ever stolen, she won't actually be losing money from her bank.

I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends?

If you're right about thinking she would stop being friends if you stop doing this for her, then she's not worth having as a friend. What have you go to lose by saying no?

Don't be surprised if you hear from her less often from now on 😔

Glad you messaged her
I hope you've at least got points for these purchases!

Glad you've sent a message to end it.

I hope you've at least made money from it via Quidco!

Aaaaw fuck, my SS used to do this. I told him he had a CC so he could do it himself. He said he didn’t want to risk being scammed, but it doesn’t matter us risking it.

Just start sending her messages asking her to get you stuff.

Just say no.

I actually love ordering stuff for people. Helps me collect miles etc on my credit card without actually spending anything 😄

Just type up a message. Copy one from here and top and tail to suit you. I have suggested one below but there are lots of good examples. Don't plan to press send immediately (just because i think it is easier to get the words down if you remove this from the fear of actually sending). Leave it a bit then come back and just press send. Make sure you have something to do immediately after pressing send so you are not fretting as much. In my case, for example, i might tell myself I am not allowed to watch Bake off tonight until i have pressed send, then I would send just before. If she falls out with you about this, then she was never a good friend. View it as losing a user not a losing a friend.

Here is what i would send.

Hi [Jane], i will place this order for you but this needs to be the last time. It is coming up to Christmas shopping season and i need to keep a better handle on all the payments i am making, plus it does take some time which i don't really have. Now that I have done so many orders for you with no fraud issues, hopefully you are now reassured that ordering online from reputable companies is perfectly safe (and if you are still not reassured then I am sure you won't want me to keep taking that "risk" on your behalf!!).
Let's get a date in the diary for a coffee, or even better an afternoon's Christmas shopping.

Then if she asks again, i would just keep referring back to this message. If you have already said this is last time to a previous request, then change the first line to say "As I said previously, I am sorry but I won't be doing this for you anymore.

So you think if you dont do this for her she wont bother to be your friend anymore - is that really truly the sort of friend you want/need. Dont scrape the barrel so low. Im sure you are worth a lot more than that.
Say no - point out to her that most of us have been ordering stuff online for almost 20 years and have rarely had any issues.

And find yourself some better friends!

Well done @Dublinwife
Good answer.

You only hear from her when she wants to order domething?

She's not a friend but a user.

Say no and mean it. Whdn her stuff fails to appear bc it was never ordered she'll get the hint and leech onto someone else.