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Original poster

Friend expects me to order everything

236 replies

Dublinwife · 24/10/2023 10:18

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

OP posts:
bunnymad01 · 25/10/2023 11:13

For me, this comes down to the definition of friendship. Does a friend keep asking for things from you or take advantage of your good nature?... Definitely not. Friendship is a two-way, supportive street and this sounds very one-way to me. As you've done it so many times before, she probably feels it's ok to keep expecting the same service but she is not treating you as a friend.... You deserve better hon.

I would deliver the message face to face, or by phone to guage the response but as others have said... No apologies and no reasons should be required. Just a firm...i won't be doing this any more. I've helped you many times, but no more shopping orders please.

Hope this helps 😊

Crafthead · 25/10/2023 11:08

Explain you have seen the light, she is right, you agree it's not safe to give card details out and therefore you will not be using yours either in future.

1mabon · 25/10/2023 09:56

It's your card that's being used so subject to scam, just stop it at once.

kayya · 25/10/2023 08:06

It stresses me out ordering my own I could not handle anyone else's 🙃

SophieJo · 25/10/2023 08:00

Why do you come on here moaning? You do have the option of saying no.

Sahmlike · 25/10/2023 07:59

Tell her to create a separate bank account for just shopping. And she puts money in there as she shops. So she never had to leave a penny in that bank account if she was not shopping. If she don't agree to this, there is one more thing that will sort it all. Let's say she wanted to do a £100 shopping, tell her that you paid and all done for. Take her money. But do nothing in the reality. Pocket her money. After you took the money tell her you did not receive any emails, must have gone to spam or something. If she asks to show your bank account to see if you paid or not, tell her that how rude she was that she is doubting. Tell her that she can't show her bank details as it is her personal and can't show it to her. After she realises the packaging is not coming anymore, she will buy online next time but not using you for sure.

Zonder · 25/10/2023 07:45

Did she reply?

hellohellothere · 25/10/2023 07:18

Ridiculous. Even my 88 year old Nan isn't scared of paying for things online.

LimeAnkles · 25/10/2023 07:14

I had a similar situation. At first it was the odd thing but then if we booked a holiday or tickets for something online she would give me cash each week to pay her share.
In the end I said that from now on she either has to join the 21st century and do a bank transfer for the money or physically deposit the money in my bank before I order or book anything. She soon got the message!

Mydogmybestfriend · 24/10/2023 23:39

Unless she is paying for you to be her secretary then she is absolutely taking the p out of you lazy bish

Hibambinos · 24/10/2023 22:21

I would make it a joke - lol!! No!!! You do it!
then repeat. Everytime.
she doesn’t want to gamble with her card details but is happy to gamble with yours - nice friend.

RampantIvy · 24/10/2023 22:18

Cancel the cheque! Grin

kelassa · 24/10/2023 21:22

Say to her, I love you dearly so I need to give you some tough love. The answer is no because you need to drag yourself into the 21st century. I'll help you while you get used to it

Mothership4two · 24/10/2023 16:40

I'm reall fed up doing this all the time, so no

Turfwars · 24/10/2023 16:37

Honestly, just say no. Say that ordering for her has become a right pain in the hole so from now on if she really wants something you'll order it with HER card. Or she can schlep to your bank and lodge the money directly and when it's in your bank account then you'll order the item. Otherwise it's a firm no. She'll find some other mug.

StaunchMomma · 24/10/2023 16:33

Just say no, you don't want to keep ordering things for her and it's not reasonable to expect people to order for her all the time.

She's being a dick.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 24/10/2023 16:30

Don't wait for her to ask you again. Approach her, and tell her that with Christmas coming you would prefer to be just ordering your own stuff, but if she would like you to help her set up an Amazon account (which is very simple to use) or similar, then you are happy to do that. Invite her to meet you for a coffee, so you can do it.

FarmGirl78 · 24/10/2023 16:21

This is your fault, not hers.

Say no, and mean it.

Foodieasfuck · 24/10/2023 16:12

Just read the update. Well done you 😊

Foodieasfuck · 24/10/2023 16:11

Tell her having so much expenditure on your card is affecting your credit limit (and rating) and you don't want to increase it…
I know when I’ve spent a lot they try and increase it without me asking

IglesiasPiggl · 24/10/2023 15:59

Just ignore her message. Then if/when she follows up reply with "No, didn't get to it, and I don't think I can any more. I am happy to show you how to do it though".

PinkShoelacesAndAPolkaDotVest · 24/10/2023 15:54

Just. Say. No.

MasterBeth · 24/10/2023 15:48

It's a pain in the arse for you.
Tell her it's a pain in the arse for you.
You don't need to lie or make excuses.

WhatWhereWho · 24/10/2023 15:40

Dublinwife · 24/10/2023 13:49

Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

Well done. I get that it can be tricky to say no and change things sometimes so well done on making a positive change.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 24/10/2023 15:26

No need to make up excuses, say no, tell her it’s taking up too much of your time and you’re not doing it any more. If she’s taking advantage of your Prime membership if you have it, tell her you’ve cancelled/not renewed it because of the huge price increase. (That’s a legit excuse, it’s the reason I didn’t renew mine) Just