Friend expects me to order everything

Dublinwife · 2023-10-24T09:18:50+00:00

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2026 22:08

This was well over two years ago so I expect the OP has sorted it by now.

BoredDave · 19/03/2026 22:05

It sounds like your friend is doing something illegal and is using you to fence her ill-gotten money. Either that or she has access to more money than she is admitting to benefits service or the tax office. Either way - you are putting yourself at risk. If she really struggles and its a genuine anxiety she needs to speak to a doctor, counsellor, citizens advice etc to help her manage her finances. Personally I think its some sort of scam that she is running and using you as a stooge. Source: have been scammed by someone doing exactly this.

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 07:44

NotSorry · 26/10/2023 07:29

I’m guessing this was a while ago because banks won’t allow 3rd parties to pay cash into accounts that are not their own anymore. Money laundering laws I guess. Well done for seeing your CF SIL off though.

Show quote history

It was years ago tbh..she was a pain in the ass..but did give up. I dont know what id say now then, probably pay it online directly in my account..whereas they would have to make effort, therefore may as well order themselves. Id just say no anyway..been burnt before so no 😁

NotSorry · 26/10/2023 07:33

Sahmlike · 25/10/2023 07:59

Tell her to create a separate bank account for just shopping. And she puts money in there as she shops. So she never had to leave a penny in that bank account if she was not shopping. If she don't agree to this, there is one more thing that will sort it all. Let's say she wanted to do a £100 shopping, tell her that you paid and all done for. Take her money. But do nothing in the reality. Pocket her money. After you took the money tell her you did not receive any emails, must have gone to spam or something. If she asks to show your bank account to see if you paid or not, tell her that how rude she was that she is doubting. Tell her that she can't show her bank details as it is her personal and can't show it to her. After she realises the packaging is not coming anymore, she will buy online next time but not using you for sure.

This is probably one of the most bonkers replies I’ve ever read on MN and I’ve seen many bonkers replies! Anyway if you’d read the OPs replies you’d have seen she’s already told her no.

NotSorry · 26/10/2023 07:29

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 06:13

This...its exactly as i did to my ex's sister. Apparently she was too busy to order...but had time to text me details, order number etc 😂. Third time her asking... 'oc i can but im busy too' (my times precious as well im out house 11 hrs day 5x week!)..'i can but pop to my bank and insert funds then i will order your item'. She said you know im good for the money, i replied 'i know, but im budgeting and put spare cash in savings account '...all which is true. She stopped asking..tried it on couple times but gave up. I gave her one explanation then just said 'money, legs, bank,' 😂

Show quote history

I’m guessing this was a while ago because banks won’t allow 3rd parties to pay cash into accounts that are not their own anymore. Money laundering laws I guess. Well done for seeing your CF SIL off though.

ebts · 26/10/2023 06:55

A friend's neighbour did this to her, then left the packaging out on the pavement and my friend got fined by the council as it was her name and address on the packaging.

supersop60 · 26/10/2023 06:50

Well done on saying no, OP.
Please update us with her response.
Also - you said she pays you the money - is that cash or a bank transfer? The latter could appear as income and affect your tax.

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 06:13

Kittenkitty · 24/10/2023 11:28

I had someone who was doing this - but also frustratingly giving me cash which messed up my finances. I told them I would help if they went and paid the cash in at the bank. It soon stopped them when they realised it wasn’t as easy as having a personal assistant.

This...its exactly as i did to my ex's sister. Apparently she was too busy to order...but had time to text me details, order number etc 😂. Third time her asking... 'oc i can but im busy too' (my times precious as well im out house 11 hrs day 5x week!)..'i can but pop to my bank and insert funds then i will order your item'. She said you know im good for the money, i replied 'i know, but im budgeting and put spare cash in savings account '...all which is true. She stopped asking..tried it on couple times but gave up. I gave her one explanation then just said 'money, legs, bank,' 😂

Busephalus · 25/10/2023 22:06

You suggested she ask someone else? Surely she should do it herself?

RampantIvy · 25/10/2023 22:03

She has @ExpatAl

ExpatAl · 25/10/2023 21:52

I chose unreasonable because you need to grow a backbone and say no, do it yourself.

ScottBakula · 25/10/2023 20:49

I was thinking the same @RampantIvy , I could understand if it was a long post with dozens of pages but not such a short easy to read thread.

RampantIvy · 25/10/2023 20:17

Hasn't anyone bothered to read the OP's update?

She posted this yesterday:

Dublinwife · Yesterday 13:49
Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

Missingpop · 25/10/2023 20:13

This reply has been deleted

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Closetheblinds · 25/10/2023 20:00

No works just as well. No need to add a lie

threatmatrix · 25/10/2023 19:01

Get an American Express British airways reward credit card, order everything for her on it through their reward app, then tell her about the free flights you’re getting because of her spending 😜

2jacqi · 25/10/2023 18:40

for goodness sake!! do you have MUG written on your forehead??????

bellocchild · 25/10/2023 18:19

You could offer to do the ordering for her, if she finds it difficult, but you will need her card details to do it.

RampantIvy · 25/10/2023 16:28

hjytrjulykuyh · 25/10/2023 13:57

YABU for continuing to do something you don't want to do. Grow a spine!

YABU for not reading the OP's update yesterday at 13.49.

hjytrjulykuyh · 25/10/2023 13:57

YABU for continuing to do something you don't want to do. Grow a spine!

Iloveacurry · 25/10/2023 12:55

Just say no and stop doing it. If she’s that worried, she needs to get a credit card with low limit just to use for her online ordering.

toomuchfaff · 25/10/2023 12:44

no is a complete sentence...

No.

There you go, copy and paste.

ScottBakula · 25/10/2023 12:14

Sahmlike · 25/10/2023 07:59

Tell her to create a separate bank account for just shopping. And she puts money in there as she shops. So she never had to leave a penny in that bank account if she was not shopping. If she don't agree to this, there is one more thing that will sort it all. Let's say she wanted to do a £100 shopping, tell her that you paid and all done for. Take her money. But do nothing in the reality. Pocket her money. After you took the money tell her you did not receive any emails, must have gone to spam or something. If she asks to show your bank account to see if you paid or not, tell her that how rude she was that she is doubting. Tell her that she can't show her bank details as it is her personal and can't show it to her. After she realises the packaging is not coming anymore, she will buy online next time but not using you for sure.

So you think stealing £100 from her is the correct response? Instead of doing as @Dublinwife did yesterday and just sending a msg .

What a strange world we live in .

FiestyGemini · 25/10/2023 11:26

say no and tell your friend exactly what you have told the people on this website. Don't lie it's really not worth it.

ensayers · 25/10/2023 11:23

I do this for one of my neighbours. She's old and apparently scared of bank cards / being robbed / cash machines / self scan checkouts. Also extends to what I consider a ridiculous level of caution over identity theft where she shreds everything that has her name or her address on. It's partly because she reads in the press about old people being scammed and it frightens her. She doesn't however feel scared by having thousands and thousands of pounds in cash stashed in hiding places round the house lol

Anyway, I order her things online, visit the cash machine for her, take her shopping ( where every week I hear her complain about how there was only one normal checkout open), I've even set up a couple of direct debits for her from my bank. Her one adult son is no help, he can barely look after himself.

It started 20 years ago when her husband died. Took her shopping three times, then it became something she expected would happen all the time. And I'm still doing it.
The point I'm making is, it's hard to say no, but if you don't then it can spiral!