To resent 'golddigger' comments?

@englishexpat

and - spend time with your daughters without your new partner. Don’t expect them to play ‘happy families’ with you and her, at least not all the time. If you make an effort to see them without her, I think you can ask them to make an effort with her sometimes.

but don’t bring her to every meet up / holiday / visit with your kids. 50/50 maximum with and without her

@englishexpat

although your daughter are being rude, I think you need to reflect and explore with them what’s driving that. For example:

• it’s a clear signal the family unit they grew up in is over
• their mum is finding it hard (what’s her relationship status? You said she had an affair? If she’s single now I can see why she may not be the politest about your partner when you’re not around
• its a massive change in their relationship with you. Coming to stay with just you is comfortable and familiar, coming to stay with you and new partner is very different requires effort
• Her younger age may make her seem more ‘like them’ bs the generational gap with you and their mum
• and / or requires your children to accept that you have a sex life (which even young adults may find uncomfortable)
• any chance you may have children with your new partner? They may be worried about that (consciously or unconsciously) if she’s late 30s they’ll know it’s a possibility which it wouldn’t be with a new partner closer to you in age
• inheritance. I don’t think it’s grabby for them to wonder about this. If they see you setting up home and if you talk to them about combining finances then of course they will. Talk to them. Talk to your partner. Figure out how you will protect their interests even if you remarry and or have more children. Make a will that sets that out. Show it to them. I have friends with step parents where this hasn’t happened and the worry and resentment never goes away.

This says everything about the subject that can possibly need to be said.

I am 23 years younger than DH and have been with him for 26 years. I have had gold digger accusations thrown at me since day dot.

truth is- you will never change the minds of the ignorant and prejudiced.

We have said over the years things like;

• actually i am an heiress and DH is with me for my money (It is true as it happens that i out earn DH by quite a bit and have for years)
• DH was playing the long game and wanted to marry the woman who would end up as his carer
• none of your fucking business

I'd honestly ignore. If comments are made to your face then go batshit in their faces. But otherwise just leave them to their stupid assumptions.

We do see each other a fair amount, but my (adult)daughters are not keen on visiting the apartment I share with my partner, or getting to know her particularly.

I agree that you should shut down or call out gold digger comments, but equally, you can’t expect your DD’s to like or want to get to know your partner. My Dad remarried after my Mum died and I liked my SM, she was a lovely person; OTOH, my cousins couldn’t stand my Auntie’s second husband, but were polite to him.

You may have to accept that being civil to each other is as far as it’ll ever go.

@englishexpat

Hope this helps, In responding to these comments, effective communication is essential. While humor may be used to diffuse situations, it might not address the core problem. Instead, consider having open and respectful conversations with your daughters and those making such comments. Clarify your genuine intentions and feelings in the relationship. Additionally, focus on building trust and reassurance with your partner. Address her concerns and insecurities regarding financial support.

I can't believe the amount of posters who immediately assumed that OP left his wife and that his partner was the OW. Absolutely ridiculous.

OP, just be blunt. "That's very rude, are you implying that I can only get a woman if I have money?" Or if they say its a joke look blank "sorry I don't get it. Can you explain why that's funny?". Make them feel silly.

Also your ex is a cheeky mare! So she didn't want you, cheated on you, initiated divorce but doesn't want you to be happy with someone else? She can jog right on. And I'd be pointing that out to your daughters too!

OP, there are not infrequent threads on here started by first children who's parent re-married and in doing so, failed to recognise what this can mean once they have passed away. In short, an assumption that the new wife will 'do right' by the children of the first marriage when the reality is they are ignored, not involved (and even excluded from) funeral arrangements and frequently not even able to retrieve photos or trinkets let alone any actual financial inheritance. Sure, you can think of them as grabby with no right to presume anything, but being left out of a will is devastating for those children who otherwise had a good relationship with their parent.

You should ask your children to stop with the comments because it's unreasonable of them to pursue that line. But I would advise in doing so, you sort your will and ensure that care home requirements aside, you reassure them that you will be fair and will not allow a new wife wife to walk away with the lot.

I’ll be honest, if you got married I’d think it. But if you just live together and your kids are set to inherit everything then I’d probably think she actually did just like your company.

Nip it in the bud and out them back in their place . That’s not only offensive to her as someone with a career but to you as they imply you can only get live if you have money . Your children are behaving badly .

It’s the daughters who sound like the real grabbers here. As others have said there are pros and cons to age gap relationships- I can guarantee they’ll expect your younger wife to be there when you are much older and need any sort of support (whilst probably still being disrespectful to you both).

@englishexpat I'm a realist I'm afraid. Look at Graham Nash (musician) - he got a ton of vitriol but it's clear he and his much younger wife are very well matched.

For your children turn it around- who gave you the idea the my partner is a gold digger? - if they say their mother said it - Do you think she is a gold digger because she married me?

For friends- oh, so are you jealous because she’s 13 yrs younger than me?

Well your ex wife has a cheek!!
I can assure you as the younger partner in my relationship I am far from a timid wallflower awaiting instructions from my older man.
As long as you and your partner are happy with the balance of your relationship ignore anyone with an opinion that you haven't asked for.

@englishexpat I am the new partner in your situation. I love my partner dearly. It was pretty much love at first sight. I have been concerned that people might think I'm "gold digging" but if you liquidate us I'm actually worth more. It just doesn't seem that way as I'm asset rich cash poor (in comparison to him) whereas he is the other way round although limited assets.

We currently have a joint account ready for when our house purchase completes and we are paying in a proportion into this account from our respective salaries. I'm paying less than him. We have insurances for each other and other sexy sensible provisions.

I wish you all the best in your future happiness.

Frankly, I think your ex has a bit of a cheek, considering that she cheated on you!

@englishexpat if you were friends before and the divorce was your choice (I'm not sure if you said so)? Then the perception will be that you were somehow involved and hence the coldness and the fact you initiated divorce too (if indeed you did). I have this issue with my sons from my 1st marriage. I don't think you can get rid of the idea of a gold digger in some peoples minds- and it means different things to different people. She may not be after presents or houses or expensive gifts etc but the security and general lifestyle - your children if they are adults may well think you will marry her and they will get nothing- I do agree it shouldn't be in peoples minds but sadly it often is these days.

Mn is very stuffy about age gaps, anything over about 5 years and the old trope about ending up a carer starts to get wheeled out......
I am also waiting for someone to tell OP he's only with his partner so he can control her because clearly the younger partner never has a say in the relationship.
I am sat waiting with my bingo card for the usual comments!

My husband is 16 ish years older than me and even after 20 years together we still get comments about me being a gold digger!
We just laugh, he didn't and still doesn't have a pot to piss in so I've been digging for a long time for no sodding gold 🤣

Perhaps your friends and family can see what she is really like? Maybe they have checked if she has form.

I'm sorry to say but many of my friends fall into this category.

Ate they " bantering " because they want you to think logically?
Could you make a will leaving everything to your children. And tell her... see the reaction?

She could of course be perfectly genuine. But very often there is an agenda