To resent 'golddigger' comments?

13 years younger is really not "much younger". If OP is say 52, his partner is 39.

As someone in my mid/late 30's, I do see it as much older. My colleagues are almost exclusively men in their 50s, we're not peers and have next to nothing in common and very different lifestyles despite us all being lecturers with a shared passion for our subject. I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping with any of them as I don't generally find men over a decade older physically appealing and would expect, if I did engage in a relationship with one of them, to be accused of trying to sleep my way up the career ladder.

I'd also consider a 39 year old of either sex much older than a 26 year old...don't think that's a controversial statement. Both adults, sure, but not peers.

I think that's what the daughters are uncomfortable about, especially if as OP suggests, she resembles a 30 year old. They see her as more of a peer and find it awkward to know their Dad is in a relationship with her.

13 years younger is really not "much younger". If OP is say 52, his partner is 39.

Of the five couples I've known who have had the same age difference (and I've known them for over 20 years, so, man is now in his 80s, woman partner in her 60s), it had not ever, ever ended well.

It seems like a "gold digger" cliche....but it's a cliche for a reason.

Maybe it’ s also a dealing with french attitudes thing. I had french grandparents and like many teenagers stopped wanting to hang out with them and going over there every year. I started again in my late 20s after my mum sadly died very suddenly, in the intervening years I had lost confidence in my french and in managing situations culturally and felt very under scrutiny. It only stopped after an expat told me to stop caring ( yes it was that simple). I go there several times a year now and rarely second guess myself or feel self conscious . Maybe deciding to be thick skinned and not care might help? I realise it sounds simplistic but hope it helps!

So you daughters this she's a gold digger, why would they even care if she was after your money unless they think they deserve it more?!

Tell them to keep their mouths shut or elle va te frapper avec sa pell!!

I hope that means what I think it means 🤣

If I were you and I wanted to soothe my daughters’ probably justified perception, I would go out of my way to ensure they and my partner knew that their inheritance was secured. Perhaps by setting up a trust with a solid amount of my assets and the children as my beneficiaries. You say you earn a “good salary” but reference family money as well. Let’s all be practical and admit that most mid 30 year old women only date 50 year old men if they are wealthy. By being up front that you’re protecting your children’s inheritance you’ll soothe their fears and you can all move forward as a family. Letting it be a question mark whether you might leave everything including any inheritance from your own parents to this new partner who will be more likely to outlive you, is probably causing a lot of stress with your children and a sense that you’ve abandoned them. Your partner being cool with a fair split (eg she gets the same portion as each child, 1/5) will also probably go a long way to making them less likely to see her as a gold digger.

And I say this as someone who was 13 years the junior of my incredibly rich ex husband - so I’m not judging the set up at all and frankly see “youth” as just as valuable as monetary wealth and can definitely see lots of positives to seeking stability and experience as long as there are no underlying issues with power imbalance and everyone is emotionally mature.

I would reply that it is insulting and unkind and let people know how you feel

I have had it from both directions.
I have had friends of my partner say to him you need to be careful she is alot younger than you......
We also had someone say to him you'll be well in with her she's pocketed since her husband died.......
These are just some examples - I just smile now, as in reality they have no idea & it is none of their business. As long as you & your partner are happy with the arrangements that is all that matters.
I would just make sure you both have wills, know each others wishes & talk things through regularly to iron out any niggles.

Unfortunately there are a lot of mean spirited people who are unhappy or discontent in their own lives, so they take that out on people who they perceive are happy. Ignore them, they really aren't worth a second of your thoughts.

I would be having a word with your daughters however - I rather think that they might be considering your relationship in terms of their own potential financial gains.

So you are 51/52 ? Hardly aged ! I would reply that it is really insulting and unkind towards you, to assume that a woman is only with you because you are comfortable financially. You sound kind and thoughtful for instance, it doesn’t sound as though cold hard cash is your only attribute !
So ignore the fact that it is also an offensive thing to say to your partner, leave her out of it, and address the fact that it is a pretty offensive thing to say to you !
13 years isn’t a huge gap at all.

I am 13 years younger than my bf and get these comments from people which really annoy me but I’m learning to accept that as long as we know the truth, it doesn’t matter what others think x

You have my sympathies
I spent the summer dating a man half my age - after years of happy singledom. I was astonished to meet anyone I wanted to date.

I broke it off because the boyfriend thing isn't for me, but we are still friends and it was a lovely experience (albeit a tough one due to my personal circumstances).

I took less flack than he did, but ironically, while his family were pissed off, his dad has since said to me "I know I wasn't supportive at the start but I started to see he's never been happier than when he was with you".

I think if it had carried on, we'd have just told people to fuck off with their judgements.

13 years is nothing, btw. Mum's got two couple friends with a 20+ or near 30 year gap.

Tell them she's with you for your massive penis actually. That'll shut them up.

You need to talk to your daughters. Perhaps they are worried she'll get all their inheritance.

So you make time to still then then without your wife?

Assuming the OP stays in France, his children's inheritance is protected whether he marries his partner or not.

OP, has your partner got friends of her own in Paris?

Do you think you will have a child with your partner ? she is at an age when she might want a child and you haven't mentioned if she has any from previous relationships ?

@PaperwhiteTheGhost

yes, but it’s still worth having open conversations about what’s going on.

if a friend of mine got a new partner and I suddenly never saw them without the new person that would be a big change.

the parent / child dynamic is still at play and if they were totally fine with it they wouldn’t be giving off these signals.

sure, they might just be rude. But the OP himself says he’s not great at talking about things.

he can say he finds the comments hurtful or disrespectful to them AND then seek to explore where they are coming from.

the step situation I referred to the adult children are rude to their step mum. But she’s equally if not more horrible to them and their father has never addressed the questions around inheritance. He find it stressful but he needs to find the courage to address what’s driving it.

You could just say “I don’t care”.

If I was an old man with a young partner that’s what I would say and I really wouldn’t care if she was with me for the money or not as long as she was loving and kind. Your money might well have been part of your appeal for her because it might give you a certain confidence or lifestyle. If it is ok for people to be drawn to each other for looks I see no reason why they shouldn’t initially be drawn together because of money. For some people it can make someone attractive but is only one of other attributes they look for. By the way, you mention her looks. Has anyone said you are only with her for her youth and beauty?

if your friends and family detect however that she is planning to get as much from
you as she can, have a child and then break up with you for example then that’s another story.

An anecdote: a friend of mine thought of himself as unattractive and found that women weren’t attracted to him. When he got older and had a bit of clout behind him he was pursued by a very young woman in his firm who I think perceived that he would be able to give her the lifestyle, stability and family she craved - unlike younger men who kept letting her down. They now have 3 kids; my friend who was basically an incel (without all the misogyny many of them
get into) is ludicrously happy as is the young woman who is also a content sahm. Each to their own.

They are adults, not 10 year olds. They are old enough to understand that relationships end and people move on.

I voted YABU in the context of you are being unreasonable to worry about it, ignore and be happy