To ask for your cringeworthy childhood memories?

Hardly your fault. Who bought it?

Aged 13 on holiday and supping snakebite with a few cool southern lads.

Arguing over the correct pronunciation of bastard. Me "bah stard". Them "bar stard".

Cue them trying to get me to pronounce it like them. Say bar.

I bahhhed like a sheep. Loudly.

A girl from school had riding lessons and her family took me along to the stables with them once.
While she was riding I tried to make polite conversation with her slightly formidable mother and innocently asked
'Can you tell a stallion from a mare just by looking?'
She said, vaguely gesturing, 'I think you look underneath...'
I'm sure no kids' riding lessons featured intact stallions and even as I said it I realised I was probably embarrassing myself and everyone around.

Aged 7/8 I posted notes through my elderly neighbour's door stating that she kissed the milkman.
What the hell was I thinking?
Got battered though, fabulous parents.

I went to convent boarding school. We had to take it in turns to read passages from the bible aloud in class. Without realising what I was saying I said genitals instead of gentiles. Everyone laughed and the nun teaching us at the time was apoplectic with rage and I got the ruler for it. I didn’t realise what I’d done :-( Those nuns were wicked cruel, emotionally and physically. And they didn’t feed us properly! This was in the early 90s so it wasn’t that long ago. I still can’t believe such establishments existed. Luckily my school shut down but it was through bankruptcy rather than any intervention from some kind of governing body / authority.

At around the same time a family member asked me what I wanted to be when I was older and I replied a “naturist” when I actually meant naturalist… Again everyone laughed. luckily rather than being shushed or ignored my quite proper elderly relative kindly explained my mistake and told me what both terms meant.

i still struggle with talking in groups to this day. I do work with animals. I still shudder and cross the street if I see a nun…

In the summer between year 6 (junior school) and year 7 (high school), some kids down the road had their cousins staying from Jamaica for nearly the full six weeks.

Through a combination of unconscious imbibery and fully conscious fangirling, I developed quite thick Caribbean accent, vocabulary and linguistic style over that summer 😬😬😬I'm white. Very white. My dad's a ginger Glaswegian fella levels of white.

I started high school sounding like I'd spent my formative years playing on the beaches of Kingston, not in Coventry. That's to say nothing of the elaborately braided hair I also sported on my first day of school.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Ellie the pet elephant that lived with my grandparents as they had banana trees

@justaboutdonenow I'm on the floor laughing at that one.
I'm going to reflect on my past horrors and report back later. Cringe being my middle name and all that.

Seems minor but I was told to butter the bread to help prepare food for a party at a kids group I attended. Except I had never buttered anything before in my life, somehow 😅 Didn't dare to ask how to do it, so I just doggedly scraped the rock hard butter on, tearing all the bread slices up and ruining it, oh god I cringe at the memory.

Also we were asked to write our earliest school memories to read out to the entire school in our year 6 leavers assembly. I wrote a hugely detailed piece about how the reception teacher called me a "stupid girl" because I did a drawing wrong in her class when I was little. I blithely read it out in front of the entire school, while that teacher had a face like granite.

As an adult I'm convinced my y6 teacher let me say it because they must have disliked the reception teacher?! But also, fuck her for calling a five year old stupid 😅 I got my own back without even realising lol.

When I was about 5 or 6 I was bought a green t-shirt with a picture of a large crab on it & 'I Caught Crabs in Karachi' written on it in equally big, bold letters.

I wore it with pride & didn't realise until I was in my teens that 'catching crabs has two meanings.

We were given the option to write to a French pen pal in year 7 and we got given their name and address so we could do so. I looked up each individual word in the dictionary screw grammar 🙄😜

They must have wondered what the hell this gobble-de-gook was! Spoiler alert, I never got a response.

Staying with my dad and he lived in a flat in a huge old victorian house with a field behind it. There were horses. My sister and I would visit the horses every day and I fed them what I thought was hay that was lying around in the field. After a few days a couple of teenage girls walked over to us and told me I mustn't feed the horses that as it wasn't good for them. Instead of accepting I should stop and say sorry I didn't know, I angrily threw the ",hay" on the ground dramatically. Getting it on my poor sister and had a massive hissy fit. The worst thing is I was 10 so a bit old to behave like that. I guess I didn't like being told I was doing something wrong. Oops. And yes I cringe about it now

I was about 7 or 8 when I called everyone "a prick" because I'd read it on a tea towel on my friend's washing line. Including the supermarket check out assistant.

when the teacher at school ( when i was 6) asked if anyone knew what vowels were i shouted out they were things that move when you go to the toilet. I met him many years later and he was still chuckling.

Also aged 11 the girls were beginning to get bras but i was flat as a pancake. I found a tiny bra in my mums drawer and with a bit of difficulty hooked it up and proudly displayed it to the other girls in the loos / years later I realised it was a garter belt!

@Rockfordpeach in a similar vein, I was new at high school and having my first French lessons. We were set homework to write a few basic sentences about our family, including a couple of photos. For what reason I'll never know, I carefully wrote it out in perfect English. My teacher (anonymously, thank God) actually laughed about it in the next class. I still cringe now.

Accidentally sat on someone's birthday cake at a party, thinking I had sat on the arm of the sofa. I remember turning to a friend and saying 'ooh this is a soft sofa'.
It was a chocolate cake so I was doubly made fun of for having 'poo' on my trousers.

In the mid 70s it was very much the fashion to wear long dresses to events. I was 14 and spent a week at a summer music school. We were told to take a nice dress etc for the end of course party. My mother took me to M and S where she bought me a long nightie for this as "Nobody will know it's a nightie, they'll think it's a long dress"
Cue the party evening. I was insecure enough being quiet, wearing glasses and insecure socially, Of course I got laughed at because some other girls had seen said garment for sale in M and S.
When I got home and said how upset I was, I was told I was making a fuss about nothing and I should have been glad to be wearing something different and not the same as everyone else.

I ended up being part of the cross country team at primary school. One day we went to compete against other schools and it was my first (and last!) time doing so.

When it was time to run, I ran straight to the finish line instead of running in the direction of of everyone else. I didn’t do it to cheat. I did it because I was confused and dopey. I was only about 8 or 9 at the time, but it’s a memory that has really stuck with me as I completely humiliated myself.

I was given the first badge and everything, only for us all to quickly realise what I had done. At the time the people greeting kids at the finish line were very surprised to see me get there “so quickly.” 🤦🏼‍♀️ I let my team down and I remember people calling me names for it afterwards. Still to this day I don’t know what made me run in the direction that I did. I cried my eyes out on the way home because I was so embarrassed. Luckily my lovely dad was with me.

Someone dared me to write "fuck" on my spelling test in year 3. I did it in what I thought was spy like tiny writing. Mum got a phone call for that one

I learned how to play Chinese whispers. I played it at home with the word "twat". Apparently doesn't mean the same as twit.

I told a joke about what do you call a police woman with no pubic hair "cunt stubble". To my parents.

I am nearly 40 and although I still swear like a trooper I have NO idea what possessed me as a child.

My brother and I (I was about 6) went to friends of my mum's and we were playing in the garden with their kids, similar age. For some reason I kept shouting "you bloody bugger". The other kids were shocked and told me I should stop saying it but it just made me do it even more

Another time I was at brownies and Brown Owl, a timid lady bless her, was trying to get everyone's attention as they were being noisy so I shouted ,"shut up you bloody idiots"!!!

I didn't swear much as a kid, honest and I was actually very shy ☺️

Testina omg I'm crossing my legs imagining the pain!!

Nobody taught be about period products, and I started quite young.
A few months in I told my older sister that I hated how the adhesive from the pad pulled at my pubic hair as I removed it.
She told me you stick it to your pants not yourself.
I died inside.

The first time I played pin the tail on the donkey (aged 5), the party mum handed me a tail, and told me to go first. Not knowing the ways of the game, I went straight up and stuck it in exactly the right place, thinking it was a very easy game. I was quite upset when the party mum gently explained that I had to be blindfolded!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

😂 wtf why?