To ask for your cringeworthy childhood memories?

I just thought of another. I don’t know why I did this! I was approaching the end of YR7 and we were heading into the summer holidays. My group of friends were all talking about their plans over the holidays, some were going to Spain, some were staying with family, some were just hanging around and meeting up with peers. I guess I wanted to sound cool because I told everyone my cousin was coming over from Portugal for the entire 6 weeks! I regretted this instantly.

So, for 3 whole weeks, I stayed inside pretending I was with my Portuguese cousin. When my friends would ring me, I’d act like he was shouting up from downstairs and I’d even have a convo with him (from what I remember, all I’d say to ‘him’ was “Uh huh.. ahh okay”). I even used some dodgy translations from the internet to pretend I was the cousin texting from my own phone. Eventually I really wanted to meet up with my friends so I told them he had to leave earlier than planned.

To this day, I still have no clue what came over me to actually commit to this and it was also so obvious my friends did not believe me. Although they never said, but I think they were possibly not wanting to embarrass me. I CRINGE when I think about the conversations they had about this. I’ve never mentioned it and neither have they 😂

My friend and I used to stand with our backs in front of her mirrored wardrobe doors and peel back our bum cheeks to show each other. Back then, PANTS wasn't on the curriculum...

Playing rounders at school, I batted a ball HARD and it hit the pe teacher square in the face.

Oh my luv, what a bloody horrible woman! xx

I was cycling to the shop alone aged about 7, and an old ladies dog ran in front of my bike and knocked me off. I was really scraped up and my knees and elbows were pouring with blood.

The old lady stood over me whilst I was on the floor and shouted at me about how I nearly hit her dog, I was so scared I wet myself 😭😭😭 she just turned around and left me there alone. I had to hobble home!

Not a week goes by that I don't remember that incident

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m literally crying!!! Yassss!!! That’s me!!

@MummaMummaJumma Dis u?

@MummaMummaJumma this has me cracking up too. This thread is brilliant 👏🏼

This has me howling 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh I think I’m going to come back to this thread yearly and comment, just to remind you this happened 😂. If it helps, I had a massive crush on a boy with an overbite when I was 8. I thought it was the coolest look ever.

And so, as if by magic, I too ‘developed’ an overbite. My Mum used to go absolutely mad at me because it looked like I was taking the piss with my front teeth just hanging over my bottom lip.

But I genuinely loved the look.

The boy with the overbite is now my Husband.

Just joking, I don’t even remember his name 🤣

I'd completely forgotten that I'd shared this story and I'd managed to repress that awful memory of my foray into a Jamaican identity for a few weeks. But now you've reminded me and now sat here cringing. So thanks @MrsO3 and @MummaMummaJumma 😬

@Dominik 🤣🤣🤣 “playing on the beaches of Kingston”. I’m dying!!

OMFG this is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

I did something similar, bought a t-shirt at the local market. It had lots of French words on it, but I just liked the colour. One day I was wearing it and a stranger, looking very concerned, asked me if I knew what it meant. I didn't and hadn't even considered it! He never told me, I didn't ask but I didn't wear it again. I was about 12.

@madnessitellyou omg that's awful!! Can you even imagine telling a kid off who 's been hit by a bloody car!!
Sorry that happened x x

I have so many, I was such an odd, socially awkward child.

I told my friend's mum I was doing karate, I wasn't I just liked.power rangers. Every time she saw me she asked how my karate was going what belt I was on etc and my stories about karate got more and more elaborate.

At guide camp I told all the older girls that my tent was staying up all night to have a gang bang, I'd heard someone else say it and I thought it just meant a party. Went home and told my mum we gang banged all weekend. Absolutely mortified just thinking about it now.

Lots of class related ones when I went to uni, things I'd never heard of or experienced and ended up really embarrassing myself.

When I was about 7 years old I went to stay on my grandparents farm. I was a bit chunky and couldn't climb over the gate...
So I took a shortcut through the yard just after the cows had been milked. Three inches deep in cow poo!!! Walked into the kitchen covered in cow shit 😂😂😂😂 my nan was still calling me smelly shelly at 80 years old 😂😂😂😂

Me and my best friend used to make up videos and stuff on her video recorder. One day we decided to make adverts.
I did one on sex talk/babe station type thing and remember moving my hands over my body and writhing around pretending to orgasm whilst saying random phone numbers.

We then decided to play the adverts to my mum and brother!!!. I seem to remember having a bit of a panic at that and my friend said when the sexualised bit came on we'd just scream and distract them. Which did work but I always wonder if my mum ever saw the full thing...
Must've been 11/12!

Oh god and another where I gave my computer to my granny. Cleared everything off of the hardrive etc only to be told months later that all my nude/sexy photos I'd taken for my boyfriend were coming up on a screensaver!! My dad had to find the photos and delete them. oMG. I want to die just writing this out lol.

My dad's friend gave me and my dad a lift round to my grans house. I had one of those body suit vests on under my normal clothes.
When we got out of the lorry my dad said "your poppers have come undone and your vest is hanging out.
I literally just denied it. Even though my dad and his friend could see it, I could feel it flapping around.

I must've been like 6 or 7 and definitely felt embarrassed by my dad pointing it out.

When I was about 6, my more sophisticated best friend suggested we did a strip tease in the back garden. I had no idea what one was, but said OK and wiggled and disrobed as best I could, and my mum was (rather unfairly since I'd no idea what I was doing) FURIOUS, much more with me than with my best friend.

I remember telling people "Anon" was my favourite poet 🙈🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's not really funny at all but I was utterly mortified.

The local high school had art classes during the summer and I loved going. One day mum couldn't take me so I cycled. It was 1990 and I'd done my Cycling Proficiency Test so I was good to go.

I was signalling to turn right into the school drive where out of nowhere a beige Metro knocked me off my bike. I rolled onto the bonnet and shattered the windscreen with my elbow. All the other kids saw me. The driver told me off. My parents took the piss out of me. It was awful. The only thing anyone was bothered about - parents included - was the shattered windscreen and became a Big Deal that I'd caused that.

I was so embarrassed I never did go back to the art class.

Singing the monty python philosophers song to the dinner ladies at primary schools and singing a lovely song to someone I had a huge crush on at an open mic and it going very very badly wrong.

I remember in the juniors there was a lad in my year who asked if I would “shag him”. We were about 8 at the time and I had no idea what it meant so I just said yes!!!

I then asked my mum what it meant and she went ballistic and threatened to phone the lad’s father !!!!

Knowing how my mum reacted, I asked my best friend to ask her mum what it meant! She got her leg slapped for swearing 😂

My dad, when he was in Pakistan for work.

He absolutely wouldn't have noticed how it could have been misinterpreted!