To ask for your cringeworthy childhood memories?

When I went to secondary school I had to catch the train which had lots of commuters on it. As the train pulled into the station they would open the doors (old slammy door trains) and step out onto the platform while the train was still moving. I thought they looked really cool and grown up so one day I did the same. Opened the door as the train pulled into the station... and went arse over tit and rolled down the platform. As the oh-so-cool commuters stepped over me.

I had to look this one up. Hilarious article-- especially this gem:

"One person wrote on Twitter: "Day 2 in isolation and my dad's repeatedly asking Alexa to say 100 in welsh because it sounds like c**t. He's 60 years of age." "

https://www.ladbible.com/news/latest-the-welsh-pronunciation-of-the-number-100-sounds-literally-like-ct-20210622

Sorry you got smacked for it tho!

I was about 13 and for some reason it was the thing to randomly say Jesus loves you! to people as you passed in the corridors, don't know why maybe just at my Catholic comp where most of the kids including me weren't religious, I think a teacher had said it once and it spread, who knows.

I got my dad's phone and text a few of his contacts "Jesus loves you!" Snickering to myself at the joke, til he collared me for texting his colleagues and people he managed who are Hindu and Muslim. Made me call them all and apologise, and the memory comes to me sometimes still before I fall asleep and I rightly cringe all over again!

Why did your parents leave your number at the hardware store?! Oh man what are the chances?!

My mother still brings it up occasionally! 😐

Another one!

I desperately wanted to be a boy so I could dress like one and mostly so I could wee standing up like my 3 younger brothers!

One day I acquired a skipping rope that had a hole in the end and decided I would use it as a willy. Next time I needed a wee I tried it out and all I ended up doing was wetting my trousers very badly while the boys looked on!!! I still get reminded out it now!!!

My niece knocked over a complete display of red noses Sainsburys one year before Red Nose Day. They went everywhere and they bounced as well!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's a bit heartbreaking too!

We were in my childhood friend's playroom, and I got out the paper and crayons and suggested making a pretend magazine.

My friend agreed, and said we could make a magazine with pictures of naked people in, like the ones his dad had in his wardrobe.

Our mums came in and saw our folded together magazine full of naked people and were freaked out, so of course my poor friend blurts out that he'd got the idea from his dad's porno stash.

That sounds harsh

This was back in the 80's. I think i was embarrassed as they bought it off someone who lived right around the corner & who knew us (vaguely). I think if they got it from someone in say, another town, I wouldn't have been quite as embarrassed. I cringe now at my reaction & how I cut my nose off to spite my face.

In New Zealand, I was about 5, we were at a plat centre called Chipmunks and they had bumper carts there, I rushed to get to one before my sister and fell over in front of the long queue of kids everyone laughed including the person operating the cars. Super embarrassed and I had to get back up and pretend I was fine but my bum was so sore.

I was on my year 6 camp back in NZ and we did a talent show to finish the night off. American Idol auditions must have been on around the same time and there was an Asian man doing a bad cover of Ricky Martin's She Bangs song.
So I went up and did the song like an Asian man complete with the moves.
Same camp, we were waiting for our bus to come and we were playing cartoon character charades and I thought that I would act out Winnie the Pooh. So I did third word and decided to pretend I was doing a poo on a toilet. And no one thought it was funny 🫠

I was around 11 and got my first phone and thought it would be cool to text random numbers to see if a guy messaged me back which a few did and I would text these random guys all the time. Super dangerous!
Another phone one, I thought it was funny to message a girl I used to go to school with who was around 13 and pretend I was a guy and told her to do odd things. Well one day her parents wanted to meet the person so I gave them an address close by to my house and I watched out the window to see them drive past. Of course no one was there, her mum decided to call my phone the next day and I answered. She said she worked at a hardware store and my parents gave them my number as a contact and can I give her my home number which I did and she asked when they would be home. Well she called the home number and told them everything I got in so much trouble!!

At a party when I was about 8 ? I was rubbish at the games and stuff (sports party) so I laid down and told everyone I could join in as I’d just had a heart and lung transplant the week before. Properly made a fuss and they called my mum to ask her was I ok ? I was so embarrassed when she came to get me early and told me off for lying.

Aged 9 a blind lady came to school to teach us about braille. She had a machine and we were all allowed to learn some and write a message which she would then read out except I thought it would be hilarious to write ‘sex sex dick’ as I wanted her to say it 🤦‍♀️

I was expelled from brownies as I had caught some wasps in a jam jar (I was left to my own devices far too much in the garden after school each day) I hated ‘brown owl’ the leader so took the jar with me and when she told me off I went up to her and just opened it as I knew she was scared of them as she had reacted badly to one previously

My friend and I - aged about 8 - had an old tape recorder. You could press "record" and then sing along to it and then play it back to listen to.

Both of us were dying to be grown up and knowledgeable about sex, relationships etc. My friend also listened to much cooler music than I did (her mum listened to Radio 1 and they had a CD player; my parents listened to Radio 2 and got no further technology-wise than a cassette player).

Anyway, for god knows what reason, we decided to record a "rap" about sex. I distinctly remember some of the lyrics "into bed one night...out the other side a pregnant woman!", all whilst my friend, in the background repeated "sexy baby, s-s-s-sexy baby." We finished the rap with a sexualised "uh" sound - presumably because that's what we thought grown ups did.

And then we played the tape to our parents (my friend's mum was happily chatting to my mother in our living room).

They were not amused.

Or when we were sat watching tv - again my grandparents were there - and the news came on. Lead story about the hunt for a rapist complete with photo fit

I pipe up with ' that looks like you dad!'

On holiday in Spain with my parents and grandparents and was on the balcony looking below

A load of bulls rushed past and it was quite the scene!

I raced back into the living area and shouted 'there's a load of bulls in the street all fucking and biting!'

I had meant to say 'bucking and fighting'

Oh god so many I'll have to come back but this is one of the ones that really stands out

I was on holiday in wales and me and my cousin met a boy in the next holiday cottage. and made friends with him and we both fancied him (as much as you can fancy a boy when you're ten!)

For reasons I do not know, I spoke in an "Australian" accent every time we were with him.

In my defence it was the 90s and everyone was obsessed with Neighbours and home and away 🤦‍♀️

In primary school we would sometimes do little impromptu talent shows in the last half hour of the day instead of a story. I remember one afternoon me and my mate stood and proudly belted out Steamy Windows by Tina Turner without a clue what the song was about. Our teacher just said well done and we got an applause but now I know what the lyrics are about I cringe 😬

Having actually worked in markets selling tomatoes, I have to tell you if that had been my stall, after the initial shock I would have laughed and laughed and laughed, and not been cross with you one jot.
Then I would have bought a much better table.

That’s hilarious 😂 ( the slap, not the shag! )

It's a hot summer day in 1996. I'm 9 years old.

In the town centre there's a pedestrianised area, and today there's a fruit and veg market with produce set up on folding tables – the kind people prep wallpaper on.

I'm standing on a fairly steep street next to a folding table laden high with crates of tomatoes – the big salad kind. For some reason, the seller isn't there, so my mum says to me "Wait there until the lady gets back." and takes the chance to nip off to another stall in the meantime.

I turn back toward the stall, and – I still have no idea how it happened – knock the leg of the table so the whole thing folds down and collapses.

I watch, utterly paralysed in horror, as approximate 500 massive tomatoes take off rolling down the hill. They're bouncing between street signs, people are stepping on them – I cannot BELIEVE how many tomatoes there are, or how far they're rolling.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do (to be fair, I still wouldn't know!), so I just watch them roll... and then I watch what feels like the eyes of my entire town follow the trail of tomatoes up the hill to look at me.

The image is BURNED into my memory and I still turn appropriately tomato-red whenever I think about it...

Cunt Stubble 😆 I’ll remember that for ever

Oh that’s fabulous!

The school essay one is magical! Dish / cold etc!

Running to catch a Routemaster bus, the ones with a pole and no door, in school uniform and ridiculous platforms. Flung myself into the air to grab the pole and climb aboard.
Reader, I missed.