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Original poster

Don't want to go on holidays with mil every year

157 replies

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:24

I made the mistake of allowing the precedent to be set years ago, so now my mother in law comes on holidays with us every year.
I don't hate her, she's not awful. My kids love her and obviously oh loves her. BUT. I never really get to relax with her there, she's just a little passive aggressive and has some odd ways.
I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."
So my compromise is that the kids and I go for 1 week and he goes with mil for 2 ( because he wants to go for 2 weeks) I don't want to spend 2 weeks on holidays with my MIL, I just don't. I'm not mad or mean or unreasonable am I ????

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 21/10/2023 08:49

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:42

@TeaKitten We actually did this once, I had a family do for my side so came home a few days early. He nearly lost one of the dc in the airport so now that dc doesn't want to travel with just him. Dd2 doesn't want to stay without dd1. I don't know. Maybe I am just an awkward cow. If I just sucked it up everyone would be happy, except me.
She gives me " helpful" diet tips when she sees me in a swimsuit. I always have to sit in the back of the car and she gets the front.
I'm a fool if I do put up with it. But I'm a bitch if I don't.

Not sure why you’re insulting yourself and making out like others are saying it. Nobody has called you a bitch. DH has made a mistake in an airport, a lot of parents have lost a child in a busy place before, it doesn’t mean the parent gets out of ever travelling alone with the kids again. You both need to help the kids understand it was a basic mistake but that their dad is a grown adult who can take care of them, and help them move on. Your MIL is doing nothing wrong here. Your DH is sounding more and more useless though.

RoyalImpatience · 21/10/2023 08:48

Where is your mum, does dh get on with her or do you have a relative you can start to threaten family holidays with ie it's not fair on dear (grumpy) aunt Jane so let's invite her she can keep mil company

Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:47

Someone asked way back, he gets 21 days annually. He uses some remaining days for a sporting event he always goes to. Other days just at home, days out etc. Mil is in her 80s. I normally do a few long weekend/4 day breaks locally over the summer with the kids. Oh joins for the weekend if we go. He tried to bring MIL on these trips too but I said no way.

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 21/10/2023 08:46

YANBU. That would drive me nuts, quite aside from her rude comments. Can you go away for a long weekend with MIL and take your 2-week holiday just as a family?

RoyalImpatience · 21/10/2023 08:45

For goodness sake op!!

He can have a separate holiday with her why on earth should your break be ruined?? Why?

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:45

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Yes who is saying this to you

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:45

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Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:45

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Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:44

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Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:42

@TeaKitten We actually did this once, I had a family do for my side so came home a few days early. He nearly lost one of the dc in the airport so now that dc doesn't want to travel with just him. Dd2 doesn't want to stay without dd1. I don't know. Maybe I am just an awkward cow. If I just sucked it up everyone would be happy, except me.
She gives me " helpful" diet tips when she sees me in a swimsuit. I always have to sit in the back of the car and she gets the front.
I'm a fool if I do put up with it. But I'm a bitch if I don't.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 21/10/2023 08:39

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:31

Maybe I am unreasonable, that's why I asked! I'm prepared to be told I'm the issue here.

It’s not that you are the issue. It’s that you and your DH have a childish set up that doesn’t consider the options. Your DH wants 2 weeks with her, you don’t. You can take other holidays with the kids because you have lots of holidays and he doesn’t. So either one week family holiday with her and one week without, or on that second week just you come home and enjoy the peace. The kids enjoy their MIL so why should they miss out? Especially when it’s the only holidays they get with their dad.

Purplepepsi · 21/10/2023 08:39

We do a family holiday each year then in October half term we do 4 nights in a caravan with MIL which we all enjoy. I wouldn't want to do just a holiday with her though.

Notamum12345577 · 21/10/2023 08:37

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If the poster in the states, that is quite normal.

Ace56 · 21/10/2023 08:37

Can’t you all go for 2 weeks but MIL just joins you for the second week? Surely she’d understand that you’d like some time just as a family?

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 21/10/2023 08:36

How old is MIL? Does she contribute to the holiday or do you fund? Would dh be happy if your family started joining you?

AgnesX · 21/10/2023 08:35

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Hardly pathetic not to want someone else in your family holiday. It changes the dynamic.

Createausername1970 · 21/10/2023 08:35

My MIL was ok, but I wouldn't have wanted to have spent every (or any) family holiday with her. So either you tell OH you want a family holiday with just yourselves, or do as others have suggested, only do one week, then have the other week to yourself.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:33

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Robotalkingrubbish · 21/10/2023 08:33

I think you’re amazing @Thequeenofthetypis . You’ve been so generous in sharing your precious holidays with your MIL. If you now want a holiday with just your DH and DC then you should go for that, rather than the compromise suggested.

Personally, even though like you I didn’t hate my MIL and got on with her, I refused to ever have a holiday with her.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:32

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Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:31

Maybe I am unreasonable, that's why I asked! I'm prepared to be told I'm the issue here.

OP posts:
happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:30

TeaKitten · 21/10/2023 08:29

Then the kids should stay on holiday with him and MIL

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Yeah that seems fair enough? You can go home and relax

SallyWD · 21/10/2023 08:30

We spend a lot of holidays with MIL because she lives abroad. What we do is DH and kids stay for two weeks and I stay for one week. It means I get a week to myself at home which is absolute BLISS! Why don't you do that? Leave the kids with him and your MIL and you get a week to relax.
I use the excuse of limited annual leave as to why I cut my holiday short.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:30

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TeaKitten · 21/10/2023 08:29

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:27

I work part time, term time hours. The 2 weeks is his only holiday time.

Then the kids should stay on holiday with him and MIL

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