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Original poster

Don't want to go on holidays with mil every year

157 replies

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:24

I made the mistake of allowing the precedent to be set years ago, so now my mother in law comes on holidays with us every year.
I don't hate her, she's not awful. My kids love her and obviously oh loves her. BUT. I never really get to relax with her there, she's just a little passive aggressive and has some odd ways.
I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."
So my compromise is that the kids and I go for 1 week and he goes with mil for 2 ( because he wants to go for 2 weeks) I don't want to spend 2 weeks on holidays with my MIL, I just don't. I'm not mad or mean or unreasonable am I ????

OP posts:
Refillfast · 21/10/2023 09:08

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DisforDarkChocolate · 21/10/2023 09:07

After reading the rest of your posts I'd be holidaying without your husband and your MIL.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 09:07

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Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 09:06

I'm starting to think @Refillfast is my Sister, she thinks I'm mad for putting up with it too 😂
Hi Sis waves

OP posts:
Topee · 21/10/2023 09:06

We are going on a two week holiday as a family, your Mum can join us for one of them or not at all. We have never had a family holiday alone, and now’s the time for us to be prioritised.

WildfirePonie · 21/10/2023 09:04

Drop the rope. Wtaf? DH gets a two week child free holiday every year? When do you get the same free time?

I would stop all holidays without him. The kids can go with him and MiL.

Of course he almost lost one at the airport, he needs to look totally useless and not able to look after his kids when he's alone!

Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 09:03

Velvian · 21/10/2023 09:00

You drive @Thequeenofthetypis , your DH can sit in the back.

Also tried this. She sits in the back when I drive so he can have the front.

OP posts:
Boymummyofone · 21/10/2023 09:01

Hardly being pathetic, he's put you in a really sticky situation getting all teary eyed and saying she doesn't have long left?! How old is she? Say you did put your foot down and god forbid something happened and she was no longer with you, you'd be the bitch for not allowing him to spend more time with him and the kids and it will forever haunt you. It's a horrible position to be in. I would comprise and do one week with her and the two weeks with just you two and the kids

Velvian · 21/10/2023 09:00

You drive @Thequeenofthetypis , your DH can sit in the back.

phoenixrosehere · 21/10/2023 09:00

I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."

Good grief. My eyes almost rolled out of my socket reading this. Such emotional manipulation. You, him nor anyone knows how much time they have left. He could be saying this for another ten years. It’s a bit morbid that you pretty much have to wait until your MIL dies to get a holiday with just your family because your DH doesn’t want to compromise.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:59

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Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:59

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Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:58

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This is a very good suggestion. He definitely likes having her along, she's his Mum, that's fair enough. But he definitely prioritises her over us.
I know I have a dh problem. Also an assertiveness problem.

OP posts:
Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:56

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Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:55

@sittinginacafe
That's exactly what I do on the short breaks, literally pier jumping, kayaking, hiking, sleepingon air mattresses. Right up her street!

OP posts:
Hibambinos · 21/10/2023 08:54

You sit in the back of the car?! Please - you have an DH problem here. The tearful cry when you ask for a holiday without her . He is your problem.
book a holiday for one week for the four of you, tell him you are going without her and he can spend his other weeks leave on holiday with her. You are allowing yourself to be treated badly in favour of his mummy. You’ll have to start taking control here.

Refillfast · 21/10/2023 08:54

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AgnesX · 21/10/2023 08:53

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Presumably it's easier than telling her (not that she should to be told) that she can't come, and easier than her DH taking the huff - he seems to like having his mother along.

I can see pros and cons to it personally - most of which suit him.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 21/10/2023 08:53

I'd be telling DH that your marrige doesn't have long left to live if he tries to pull that shit again.

I wouldn't offer any compromise.
She isn't coming. End of.

What a pathetic man.

Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:52

Your MIL is doing nothing wrong here. Your DH is sounding more and more useless though
This is a fair assessment

OP posts:
happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:52

Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:51

Sorry, I keep missing posts, trying to scroll back!
I feel like a bitch, no-one said that to me. I'm actually so baffled, that's why I'm asking here.

Ah you're not. Your compromise is more than fair

sittinginacafe · 21/10/2023 08:51

Change it so that one or more of the 4 nighters is w her and none of the main holiday

maybe do it by planning a hol it’d be impossible for MIL to come on? Loads of walking or kayaking or something?

Gymmum82 · 21/10/2023 08:51

Absolutely not. 1 week with MIL one week just the family. That’s the compromise.
A grown ass man wants to spend a weeks holiday just him and his mummy? He doesn’t think that’s fucking weird? Because it is. Surely she can see it’s weird too? Put your foot down. Let him get teary eyed. You’re not refusing to go at all. You’re just shortening it from 2 weeks to 1 week. That is plenty

Original poster
Thequeenofthetypis · 21/10/2023 08:51

Sorry, I keep missing posts, trying to scroll back!
I feel like a bitch, no-one said that to me. I'm actually so baffled, that's why I'm asking here.

OP posts:
RoyalImpatience · 21/10/2023 08:49

Break up two weeks.

One week with her one week alone.

Or short 4 night with her

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