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AIBU?

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Original poster

My rude and ungrateful 19 year old child:

57 replies

marhsmind · 17/10/2023 13:13

I am a single parent and work full time in a high stress job. My daily commute is 100 miles and I have other children with sn.
My 19 yr old child is in uni. Spoilt, rude , ungrateful and generally unpleasant to all round her . Except to her friends of course.
I am in Ireland so I pay her fees, apartment and travel.
She has a weekend job so has e150 per week to play around with .

She has promised to lend a ball gown to a friend but said ball gown is in dry cleaners, unpaid for and they are 90 miles away.

She expects ME to pay for the cleaning , collect it and give it to my friend (to hand over the dress, as he lives nearby)!I've said I'll ask my friend to bring something to my daughter in the event of an emergency.

Again, she is taking the piss I think.
Why is her friend not arranging transport of the dress???

For the usuals who like to comment ...' you really don't like your daughter/ son/ child ? ' etc , no I don't .
Not right now .

I love her of course and while she said she hated coming home , in temper, I suggested she stay in her university city and get a job there as she wants to give up her excellent weekend job for more sociable hours.
She prefers to come home, sleep, socialise, work and make zero effort with anyone .
AIBU here or once again, am I the worst ever?

Ps...
She didn't so much as give me a Mother's Day card last year . Says it all really.

OP posts:
Idrinklotsofcoffee · 17/10/2023 13:26

Words to describe my twenty-year-old - entitled, selfish and self-absorbed. I see glimmers of the person she was and the person she is becoming, so I have hope, but it's a tough time.

I would say no to the dress and ignore the pleads. Boundaries have to be drawn somewhere, so start doing that now.

Ponoka7 · 17/10/2023 13:21

So is the dress close to you? How much of an inconvenience would it be? Do you like the friend? Because really it's a favour for them. Really the friend should be paying and picking it up. My middle DD was terrible at this age. By 25 she'd turned a corner and we are close again. She's actually apologised. I think that she had a lot of internalised misogyny, low confidence, hormones and anxiety.

Dairymilkandtea · 17/10/2023 13:21

No to the dress here too. Mines just started university, it’s a hard time for parents.

LadyDanburysHat · 17/10/2023 13:20

It's her age. They are selfish entitled shits at this age. Parent of a 20 year old here.

I'm sure I wasn't like that at their age, but friends all seem to have the same with theirs right now. I am just waiting for it to pass.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 17/10/2023 13:19

Would I be right in guessing that for many, many years you’ve accommodated her demands and it’s only now that she’s 19 you are saying you’ve had enough? Because if you’re paying for absolutely everything and being expected to run around after her, it does seem to suggest that you’ve made a rod for your own back. She’s an adult. It’s not even appreciated! Just say no! Why are you taking on the guilt of her letting her friend down by making stupid promises that she can’t honour? Tell her that due to a general lack of appreciation you will no longer running her errands for her. And you need to phase out subsidising everything PLUS paying for stuff like dry cleaning.

3luckystars · 17/10/2023 13:18

I would say a definite no to the dress.

Lovingitallnow · 17/10/2023 13:16

I'd just say no can do to the dress- don't get cross or annoyed at her asking just say I'm sorry, can't do that you'll need to make other arrangements. I think the expectation is they're arseholes for the first few months of college? Mine are only babies so I don't know but that's the impression I get. The new found freedom and fitting in etc.