My rude and ungrateful 19 year old child:

Don't get into argument. Just say sorry can't do.

I had similar with a flatmate who I used to drive around all the time. It boils my blood looking back on it! I used to drive her to her parents every weekend. She'd give me a fiver which barely covered the fuel in my GTI and I didn't complain as I earned a lot more than her.

However, it started becoming a real pain as it was "oh, they're not going to be back for a couple of hours", so I was sitting around wasting my weekend waiting to take her. I eventually get sick of it and got another mate to come over with a bottle of wine so there'd be no question of me driving. My cheeky mare of a flatmate sat there on the phone to another mate saying "well, LastRolo was going to take me but looks like she's getting pissed now". Whilst giving me a snotty look. The cheeky bitch hadn't even asked me for a lift that day, had just assumed I'd take her.

It was at that point I decided I'd never give her another lift and I didn't. A lot of people seem to take charity for granted and will act shittily towards you when you stop helping them, even though most of their other friends never did half as much for them.

But yeah also sorry you’re feeling like shit being a woman can suck , especially in middle age . Solidarity x

It’s always your responsibility to be the grown up. Always. Your daughter is being maybe a bit annoying but it’s normal for her age. Don’t worry about the hygiene that’s for her to deal. Mother’s Day is just card industry bs. Be the grown up and don’t react to anything

Can someone confirm if what im doing through with my 19 year old daughter is ‘normal’?
working backwards, she told my husband, her step dad today that she sees no reason to acknowledge Mother’s Day tomorrow, it was my choice to become a mum. Also, ‘dad never worries about her not acknowledging Father’s Day so maybe I should take a leaf out of his book’.
Our relationship has been volatile since she was about 16. She had a toxic same sex relationship at the age of 17 which resulted in her dropping out of college then taking an overdose when the relationship ended. We stood by her and she moved forward, went back to college, got a part time job and a boyfriend. A year or so on, she has more time for her boyfriend’s mum/family than her own. I’m by no means perfect but I’ve always done my best by her.
Another thing which I absolutely don’t get is her lack of hygiene, she goes days without showering and will literally get up and go to college, not even brush her teeth.
I’ve tried to take a step back and just be here for her but that has just seen the gap widen. There is no effort on her part to have any sort of relationship with me.
Whilst she still lives at home she spends most of her time at her boyfriends, which is fair enough, she’s 19.
Really getting to the point I’m just done, I get nothing back. The Mothers day debacle has actually confirmed that I actually get no acknowledgment on any day that im her mum. I just feel so sad, we had a lovely relationship when she was younger.
I know no-one can solve anything but it would be good to know if this is ‘normal’ for this generation.

That advice would have been useful back in 2023 😬

I would collect the dress, but tell DD the borrower can pick it up, and you won’t hand it over until you have been paid the money.

Now I feel stupid, lol

Well, I get it, girls at that age are really from another planet. I had one. Just tell her no. You don’t work for her and when they can pay you whatever you make as salary then they can eat it. You can do this. Don’t let your daughter walk all over you unless she truly needs it. I know how it is but my daughter now has a child so our relationship has evolved. You need to say no and put your foot down. Sounds like other person is taking advantage of you too. Girls do grow up. I swear. Well, most of them.

You need to start your own thread for a start

Zombie thread.

I think that's really unfair on the many, many young people who really aren't selfish entitled shits at that age. It isn't fair to generalise.

Idk, grow up? Be a proper parent?

19 year olds are lovely. Mine and all my friends kids are really fabulous teenagers. I find them delightful and sweet and fun. If you think your kid is such a ‘shit’ that’s on you. You have fucked up. If your kid knows you don’t like them don’t expect to have a good relationship. You were the parent in all this. They’re nice to their friends because their friends actually like them.

you both need to accept that she is a 19 year old adult.

Forgive me, but I must ask. What was it that motivated you to bring back to life a thread that is well over a year old?
Just why?

Well of course you won't pay for the cleaning and transportation of a ball gown..
Who even owns a ball gown?!

Tell her to get more work. Does she not have a student loan? Idk the system over in Ireland.

I think being moody and a bit defiant of your parents isn't unusual amount teens. I'd say she should improve when she matures a bit more.

But tell her straight when she asks for something that's a piss take it ain't happening.
She'll survive without you acting as a ballgown delivery courier I'm sure.

Hopefully once she's graduated she'll be able to start paying you back if you've had to fund her whole uni education.

Untill then just give moral support, a warm home, roof over her head and obviously you're funding her education. She has to see that you're on her side. But she also needs to grow up.

Your dd isn't a child. Just say no, and if she tries to blame you, the answer is ' you should have thought of all this before you agreed to lend it. Let them sort it out.

If she stays over the holiday, tell her it's not a fecking hotel. Let her make her own way there and back. She can book tickets in advance, she has money. Nit your money!

Would either of you accept this shit from a friend? No. Even less from an adult daughter.

Apart from the fact that this thread is from 2023, comparing your child to their father who you openly dislike is toxic parenting at its finest. Sincerely, the daughter of a divorcee who despised her ex.

It’s a completely unreasonable request. If dd wants to lend the dress it’s up to her and her friend to arrange it between them. Nothing to do with you. You just need to tell her that. If the two girls can’t work it out then the friend can wear something else.

This.

You created the monster, as the saying goes.

EDIT: before anyone jumps on me, nobody’s referring to anyone as a literal monster. 😚

This.

I am sure your sage piece of wisdom is a great comfort to the OP...

I have a 19 year old. I hear you OP.

God no, she's not even nice to you! Why on earth would you do any of that? Just say no and mean it.

This should be a warning to all those parents who indulge and never say no to their young children, they can grow up to be entitled and spoilt like Op's dd.