Inheritance going to 1 adult sibling

I think there are issues there that are coming to the fore now there are serious challenges in your family that were actually always there. That is really, really common especially when illness or some other family crisis occurs.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable feeling anyway that you do feel (feelings are just messages that your intuition picks up on, they are never rational and really they should just give you advice about courses of action same as being hot and cold tells you what to wear). You know there is something wrong here because you feel it but you have a lot of choices about what action you can take at a very vulnerable time. You can speak up, you can stay quiet you can say more or less as you choose.

I think all you can do is just move forward as best as you, there is nothing you can do to change other people.

So you don't trust your brother, think he will end up in debt again and feel that you'll be expected to bail him out...why? You don't even know why the debt came about and you haven't been asked to help him. You're being very judgemental purely because you feel entitled to your parents' money. Presumably if things were different and it was you or your sister who were struggling instead, that's who they'd help. If you feel they generally favour your brother then that's a different issue, but you're making this all about the inheritance and money so I assume not.

All a messy situation. Fair enough if they’re going to be providing care for your parents for the rest of their lives. But your parents need some kind of security to ensure your brother and SIL can’t just throw them out and leave them homeless and penniless.

Remember how they’ve favoured one child though if they expect you to do all the caring further down the line.

The worse of this is you know who will be picking up the pieces when it all goes wrong, I had that with my own brother. When the money is gone, when their mental health (which they know is a concern) deteriorates so they can no longer cope. Even if this is not about who get the inheritance this is a car crash waiting to happen for your parents.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be worrying about your inheritance, I’d be worrying about all of this.

I wonder how your sil feels. Two extra adults one requiring care which I hope your dm will provide if able because with 3 kids under 4 her she has plenty on her plate. Is your brother hands on with the kids and doing his share of the housework and mental load. If not then probably won't get involved with his parents.
I'd he blows through his parents money you have no obligation to him but you might find your mum wanting to come live with you further down the line. Put your boundaries in place now or be prepared.

I feel very sorry for your DB’s wife, if she is the main family carer. What a stitchup. (In home care is (£1,200- £1,800 per week where I live). Kids and parents? Couldn’t do that myself, for any amount of ££.

Id urge your parents to get legal advice right now, before they make any more plans or agree anything with your brother. As a PP said, these things can get very complicated.

what if one or both of your parents need care? There may be an issue of deprivation of assets.

what if you brother and SIL get divorced ? She will get half of everything ( more of she has the children ) and your parents will no doubt be homeless .

what if your brother continues to get into debt and they all lose the house ?

I think it’s easy for PP to suggest that it’s none of your business. But it will become your business if your parents end up with no money and homeless. Or need nursing home care etc .

It is their money. But I'd be pissed off. Espec if potentially you are going to have to pick up the pieces.

A load of young children and then adding two seniors into the mix, with one in illhealth, sounds like recipe for resentment.

As per a PP what safeguards are there - could your parents basically be chucked out or have the bought into the house - so that they own 50% (or whatever) so that they have some security.

Or have they just handed over their dosh/assets

There could also be some deprivation of assets going on esp if one or the other of your parents will need a care home funded by the local authority. There's often a lot of talk about the Council being able to go back 7 years for finances when in reality they can go back a lot longer than that.

This potentially has disaster written all over it especially if they are being cagey with the details.

Think I'd just leave them to it really to get on with it.

I understand why you’re upset but the reality is that if they do care for your parents for the rest of their lives then they will have more than earned it. My concern would be that the arrangement would break down- tbh I think that is a realistic possibility.

So at what age did their money stop being their own to do with as they please and become 'inheritance'? I hate this idea that at some stage adult children start feeling some entitlement to their parents' assets - it's just strange. If you have an issue with unfair treatment between siblings that's another issue, although the idea that parents could not help out their child in trouble without finding an equal amount for other children who are not in need is sad

There’s nothing you can do other than ignore it and move on. You might even appreciate the fact that you’re not living in a household of seven people, two of whom are increasingly old and ill.

It's not an inheritance unless they're already dead.

If I were your mum's friend, however, I would caution against removing her own safety net - what if she could no longer stay with the brother for any reason? Where would she live if she's past working age and has given him all her money?

Your parents ar not dead so there is no inheritance. They can spend their money how they please.

If your mum is retiring early then she could easily have another 30 years.

its not your money - move on.

It’s not an inheritance unless someone has died. You all sound quite grabby, divvying up the spoils before they’ve even departed.

If your brother and his wife are committing to providing care and housing to your DP for their whole lives ( is DM in good health?) then they may well earn that inheritance. However if you feel it’s unfair then raise it with your parents and ask them if they have had legal advice. These informal arrangements can get very messy.

For example what if your DM decided she wants to live elsewhere in the future, how would that work?

Its their money to do what they like with though?