Inheritance going to 1 adult sibling

Your parents are free to do this, but there are consequences ( like their relationship with your sister) that they should be mindful of. You might also point out that you and your sister supported them financially in the past and that this was on the understanding that they could therefore keep the equity in their house to pass on to you. However, they might say it was not their understanding. They might also point out that the money in the house would all eventually go on care homes fees if they stayed put. No inheritance is guaranteed. The bigger worry they should have (along with family harmony) is whether your brother really can provide the stable home they hope for. All sorts could happen. Their money might go into paying off his debts, the he gets into debt again (as you suggest). Or, if he and his wife divorce then his wife would get half of their money, leaving them potentially homeless. It might seem a remote possibility, but they need to maintain their own financial autonomy.

True dat. Sooo grabby of OP to have financially supported her ailing parent. Maybe RTFT?

Very worrying. Sounds like your brother is always either making silly business decisions or has a gambling addiction.

Don’t be ridiculous 🙄

I don't think it's being judgmental to recognise that some people, even if they're related to you, are completely feckless and will balls up pretty much everything where money is concerned. There are loads of issues with what they're doing, even though the dp are just trying to do what's best. They could find themselves homeless if it all goes wrong.

What you’re suggesting would almost certainly be viewed as deprivation of assets should either one of them require full time care.

“Here son, have everything we have. Oh, you’ve fucked it again, girls, can you pay for us and sort it out please?

A familiar story to so many of us…(Not my parents as they died early and left nothing but debts that DB didn't have to deal with but the Golden Nephew has accrued everything from all of my deceased (single) aunts and uncles because of his mental health/addictions/debts.)

It suits the OP as well, apart from her fear of missing out on her parents money.

I think it's hurtful. He made poor life choices and fucked up and the have chosen to bail him out to the detriment of you and your sister. Ultimately, it's their money to do with as they wish however hurtful. I would smile and say nothing BUT if/when it all goes tits up I wouldn't be bailing anyone out not your parents or your brother. I wouldn't be financing or housing anyone. They made their bed so let them lay in it.

What will happen to your parents if your DB and SIL divorce? I imagine that since she has 3 young DC, she would want to remain in the family home with them, but wouldn't have any reason to continue to house and care for her elderly ex-DPIL.

I think I'd probably feel a bit put out by being overlooked financially (simply due to the implication that DB is the favoured child), but in the grand scheme of things, I think I'd be happy to be clear of the situation, which sounds like a total nightmare for all concerned.

I can see where you are coming from, but your brother is committing to care for them and have them live with him. Would you take them in instead? Or your sister? because it must be they want to live with family. I think it’s an arrangement that is suiting both your brother and your parents.

“Here son, have everything we have. Oh, you’ve fucked it again, girls, can you pay for us and sort it out please?”

I'd say that £40k is a small price to pay for being able to hand over all responsibility for your parents to your brother and his wife. Your mum could go on for many more years.

As others have pointed out, what I'd be worrying about is when, having given your brother their savings and the equity in their home, your parents fall out with your DB and DSIL and turn to you or your DSis for support. In your shoes, I'd have a serious conversation with my parents asking them what plans they have for when things go wrong — which I bet they will.

They may assume that they'll get HA or council housing and benefits given their age/ health situation. But if they've given all their money to your DB it may be seen as deliberately divesting themselves of their assets and they may not get any help — in which case I imagine they'll expect you or your DSis to help out. So have that conversation with them now, and make it clear that if it all backfires you won't be picking up the pieces.

^^ This is your answer in a nutshell. Particularly the very valid points about one or both parents needing care home support in the future, and the potential for your brother to default once again on his finances, putting them all at risk of being homeless. These two areas would worry me far more than the inheritance 'spend'.

No one is being kicked aside though.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a lot to be kicked aside by your parents. Of course it's their money. But they also have 3 kids and are clearly favouring one.
This is probably the end of their relationship with the other two children.

Your parents are fools doing this. What happens once your brother has spent the money and the reality of having 2 extra adults in the house kicks in? What happens when SIL has had enough and wants her home back, where will your now penniless parents go?

I don't trust my brother that he will do it again and then there all screwed and will expect us to bail them out.

This is when you say ‘no’.

Has your brother always been the golden one? It’s not unheard of when there’s an only boy among the children, as fucked as that is.

You have every right to be upset by this.
However
As your parents are alive the money and house is not inheritance it’s their money. They are free to spend it however they wish.

I would, however, speak to your parents to look at possible future scenarios.
What happens if your brother gets into debt again. Where will your parents live. What rights do they have, if any, over your brothers house.

Should they have their names put on his deeds.

I would suggest they speak to a lawyer to safeguard their future.

I think you should cut your losses, move on and try to forget about them. There's no money coming your way so you have no obligation to help them in future. You're better off just getting on with your life and spend the energy you would have spent on them trying to earn more money instead.

Obviously your parents can do with their money as they wish. However of my parents left all to my sister and left me out. I'd be angry and hurt.

Thy're still alive, op. They're spending their money how they choose, it's not your inheritance.
How crass are you?

Would I be pissed off if my sibling got given £40k and I didn't? Yes, probably.

But...it sounds like it is mutually beneficial. Your brother needs money, and your parents need care.

Yanbu to feel upset about your brother getting preferential treatment. The problem with financially supporting one child and not others, is that it can imply that there is a favourite child. My DM has had a similar issue with her parents / siblings where on of the three (also the only son!) has got into lots of debt and has been financially supported by my DGPs. They also have fairly modest means, so are only unable to support him / his children. This has really caused a rift between my mum (and aunt) and their DB / D parents. I know from speaking to my mum that she has interpreted it as her DB / his children are the favourites, whereas I actually think there is a lot of underlying sexism in this whereby my DGPs see their DDs as more capable of standing on their own two feet than their DS.

On a side note, as others have mentioned, this whole arrangement sounds completely unsustainable. If your DB is anything like my uncle then this won’t help him out of his debt, he’ll still continue overspending and all that will have happened will be that your parents will have thrown away their modest assets and created a feeling of resentment from you and your sister.

If I were you I would strongly advise your parents to seek independent legal advise before going through with this. Don’t mention your unhappiness about the arrangement, as whilst it is completely valid, it will serve as a distraction from the potential disastrous situation they are putting themselves in. If they do still decide to go through it then I think your sister has the right idea about distancing herself. The closer you are, the more likely you are to be caught up in this all when it all goes tits up.

Your brother and his family are going to be caring for your parents presumably until they die?

If your mum is still of working age now, I doubt there'll be any inheritance anyway as the money will probably be spent while they're alive.