Inheritance going to 1 adult sibling

Obviously you are being “cut out of their will” for want of a better phrase, basically they have all but disowned you imho.

However, your parents need legal advice before they do this.

What will happen when your father needs to go into a home but the council won’t pay for it due to him having given all his wealth away? What will happen is that the council will put a charge on your brothers house and he’ll be back in debt but likely for a much larger amount of money. The council can go back decades to check the finances and where the family wealth has gone, and they do.

I would tell them this quite matter of factly and then go NC.

There's one post by OP. Hardly a RTFT situation.

OP and sister financially helped parents when health issues occurred 15+ years ago (brother was a teenager). That's what families should do, those who can give support to those who need it. In a healthy relationship it's not all kept on record on a balance sheet. Yes, lots of people feel jealous and treated unfairly but it often looks different from the other side.

Firstly - it’s your parents money for them to do what they like with. If they left it all to a cats home upon their death, that would be their own wish

However - what I will say is living with an elderly/infirm relative is not without its major issues. We had my grandad living with my mum for around 10 years and it was really hard. Similar situation - she took the money from the sale of his house but she was an only child. She regretted it massively - he would have been far better in a home and it also impacted hugely on my mum and dads relationship too.

@VWdieselnightmare

I'd say that £40k is a small price to pay for being able to hand over all responsibility for your parents to your brother and his wife. Your mum could go on for many more years.

Good grief, how glad am I that I am not your parent. Have you, or are you, planning to just chuck a wad of money at someone to absolve yourself of all responsibility of the care of your seniors if/when the time comes?

if they didnt move in with him then they likely would end up selling house to pay for nursing home fee's anyway - so either way the money would be gone and no inheritance left

As well as worrying about who gets your parents money are you and your sister also fighting over who has your parents live with them? Are you jealous that your brother gets to have your parents live with them too? If not (which I suspect), then you are extremely grabby and your parents are doing the right thing.

Living with and caring for elderly parents can be hell. By the time this money actually becomes an inheritance, your brother and family may well have earned it many times over. There are always strings attached to this kind of thing (I speak from experience).

You aren't entitled to an inheritance though. They can do whatever they want with their money even if it is unwise. Leave them to it. Set your own boundaries. I'm assuming that your brother and sister in law will be doing the bulk of their care so leave them to it. Extend whatever help you can give without feeling resentful, so if that's calling regularly to speak to them or regular visits or sending a care package now and again. Do not over extend yourself and make it clear to your parents that you won't be bailing anyone out financially.

It’s very hard on you and your sister. But ultimately, your parents are alive and in sound mind so it’s up to them how they spend they money and who they leave it to in their will.

Don’t expect any inheritance. What if a parent needs to go into a care home? My mother is forever saying it’s 50/50 for me and my brother and I keep reminding her to spend her money and then think about care homes! I live 5 hours away, my db is abroad, she’d have to go into a home.

Oh god everyone will be ‘their money, their choice’, but not discussing this and effectively supporting one child above others will always cause hurt. Love to see how all these people posting would feel if they were cut out.

It doesn't sound like their estates are going to be enough to incur IHT, which is one blessing.

I think they would do well to take some independent legal advice and to look at the implications of living with feckless idiots.

My main worry would be that once his initial problem is sorted out thanks to this money, he can change his mind at any time about your parents living with him. Full time care of the ill and elderly can be much harder work than many people realise, and if they are living there with him and his wife then they wont get much (if any) outside assistance such as carers etc unless they pay privately, which they cant do as they have given him all their money.

I would also worry that your brother has manipulated them into doing this, and therefore doesnt show that he has much in the way of scruples.

It really would worry me that they could end up homeless (and living with you) once he has spent all of their money.

Why should you be entitled to your parents money? It's up to them how they see fit whom to give it to.

At this point you just need to stand back, be calm and encourage your parents to seek legal advice, a decent solicitor should explain all the potential pitfalls after which they may come to their senses!!

Isn't it a bit like selling up and going into a nursing home?
Oh, and the parents sadly don't last 7 years, the son
will have to pay inheritance tax...

Your parents have found an arrangement that suits them, they get to financially help your brother while his family helps taking care of them. Looks like a win win situation for everyone and it's perfectly understandable they would spend their hard earned with your brothers family. They're not deceased but pretty alive n kicking, and it's their money so they can do with it whatever suits them. You sound a bit money grubbing OP.

It’s not an inheritance until they’re dead, until then it’s their money to spend as they choose.

Basically you tell your parents to get legal advice. And you tell them that if they go ahead and it goes wrong, you WILL NOT be bailing them out of it.

Spell out that it will be down to them to sort out where and how they live if it goes pear shaped, because you will not be taking them in or subsidising them in any way.

My sister doesn't have a very good relationship with parents anyway and this is just the cherry on top of the cake!

If she doesn't have a good relationship, presumably she's grateful that she has no obligation to look after them, and that (for now at least) it's someone else's problem?

Honestly? I'd be relieved that it wasn't me, not give a stuff about the money. My £500,000 'inheritance' has all gone to my mum's care...and out of the other three parents/inlaws, not a single one died with any money left for us to inherit, as it all went to care of one kind or another. So I'm not sure why you feel confident to call your parents' capital your inheritance.

I’d be more worried that your parents are being emotionally blackmailed by your brother into this ridiculous situation, especially as they are cagey about the reasons behind it all.

So many potential pitfalls inc. them being left homeless if the brother and his wife split up. Could you persuade your mum to seek independent legal advice before they do this?

My granddad signed his house and business over to his son-in-law (my horrible Uncle) with the proviso that he and grandma could continue living in the house until they died. Yep, son-in-law sold the house and business within a few years and the grandparents had to move to a council flat. This was back in the 80’s when council properties were more abundant, so goodness knows where they’d end up nowadays. Poor grandad died soon afterwards as he was a broken man and grandma died less than a year later. 🙁

I understand why you would be upset. As an aside, you can nearly always get out of debt. The tricky thing is here is you don't actually know whether they've really had advice, what it was and whether they have done the appropriate thing! Your parents could invest the money and if your brother still has a mortgage their investment may be at risk. You brother could make them homeless.
Then there's all the other issues people have raised. It's a minefield and you are right to be concerned for your parents about this arrangement without safeguards in place. If everyone is looking out for your parents nobody should throw a hissy fit about having them

Well, she could consider that money a debt owing if she wants, I suppose?

Not an inheritance 🤷🏻‍♀️

Local authority won’t consider any of this. They will look at whether either parent had a reasonable expectation of care needs in the future, at the time they gave away the assets. Given that one parent is ill, this would seem to be likely, so they would conclude it’s been done deliberately to avoid care costs. They would then assess fees as though parents still owned the assets disposed of. Ironically, they would be better off staying in their own home, as LA cannot include the marital home as an asset if the other partner is still living in it.

It's easy to say that now.

It'll be less easy to say in the future when her parents actually are facing homelessness.