Inheritance going to 1 adult sibling

I feel for you OP. Ur brother is highly likely to lose the money he gets from them. I'd definitely warn ur mum incase she loses her home whilstnstill here due to brothers bad money management skills.
People are right, it their money. However everyone knows it should be split three ways evenly. Everyone knows thats the way it should be.
Your brother sounds like the indulged baby of the family.
Hard thing to take.
Talk to your parents, then let them make their mind up and don't let it get u down. Definitely talk to them though so they are aware of your feelings and the implications of that decision.
Then with all the cards on the table, let them make their decision and leavw it there.

Your brother sounds like an unreliable twat and they’d be crazy to sell their security to bail him out and live with him. What if he gambles the house away? Adds more debt and loses the house? What if he divorces and his wife and kids get the house? Or the house has to be sold? Where do they go then? Talk them out if it - it’s not an inheritance issue, it’s just a crazy plan.

This sounds really dodgy.

The studio that is being built, is it going to be big enough, will it be completely self contained or shared areas in the house - he’s got a few kids so that will be a busy household, and open to arguments and stress. What happens if there is a fall out, or the care requirements become unmanageable for Db and wife, and like others say, what if Db and wife split. Then there is a BIG problem.

If his property is so big, that it can have a separate studio, maybe he should sell up, move to a smaller property and pay off some debt.

There is also the situation of the debt, how much is it going to swallow up, and how can anyone be sure he won’t take more debt out in the future, secure it against the house and then risk losing a house that homes 7/8 people?

Will the money pay off his mortgage? Or will there be additional borrowing as what happens then if his rate goes up? Or the project costs go up.

As others have said, it is also risky from a care perspective. They are potentially risking their own care and future.

There are ways around clearing the debt, he can talk to a debt charity and get a DMP, which generally gives you manageable payments and 0% interest and won’t risk his house - and then he is taking responsibility for his debt rather than risking the rest of his parents future not to mention the hurt he will cause amongst the siblings and their parents.

I also think it’s really sad your parents would consider doing this; and perhaps if you talked to them about your concerns and hurt you feel they might see it from a different angle. It’s possible that they have been sold a dream by your brother that is dressed up as he’s being a selfish toad and they haven’t thought about other angles

Just read your reply. In writing and if UK, power of attorney. It is your parents money to help them in older age. BW

My parents have cut me out of lives.... Long dysfunctional story. Hell of a lot to my sibling, (who I relectantly have come to conclusion been stoking fire - hell of a lot between 2 but......). It was never my money to expect. TBH I have felt since I was 18 this would happen, so like u comfortable as hell of a lot of planning, don't be bitter, it sounds like he needs it. Focus on the pluses in your life. It is the feeling of rejection that hurts but remember your parents as they were not as they are. BW

This is an astounding post! Who are you to decide what your siblings deserve?
There are rules regarding intestacy which you've broken wholesale 😳

So your parents are going to move on with your brother and sell their own house to fund his debt?

That sounds like a very bad decision for your
parents. Like you said your mum has worked very hard, and may find herself in a horrible situation in the future if she cannot cope living with your brother and 3 young kids! She won’t have her own space & be expected to look after the kids as she’s there and not working. Occasionally that might be fine but you should warn them against throwing all their eggs on one basket and then not having anywhere to go. Trial the living arrangements first and don’t sell the house.

dont bail them out

How were you able to keep the money?
Why was it spread 11 ways?
what do you mean by poncey
in this context?

I love my DC equally, and meet their needs as equally as i can, but that's not the same for all of them. One was funded through Uni, one lived with me rent free when his relationship broke up, another has benefitted from free childcare.

If one of them had MH issues resulting from a failed business (so at least he tried) and three young children, I'd help where I can and expect his siblings to be fine with that tbh. I wouldn't be moving in with them, but if that's the arrangement that works for your parents, I'd say your brother and his wife are.likely to earn their "keep".

This might not turnout too rosey for your brother since IHT will be due on the gift if your parents do not survive 7years from the date gifted so his debt worries might not be past.
Your parents should check that is legally protected. If for instance your brothers marriage breaks down then his spouse would be entitled to some of his assets too.

I am one of 5 siblings. If one of them was struggling while we are comfortable this would not concern me. I see myself as an adult and my parents money is for them to do with as they wish. Also hopefully for them to use while they are happily alive and enjoy it. Not for me to benefit upon when they die.

Everyone is different but this wouldn't upset or concern me personally.

I agree, as upsetting as it is - it’s their money

No, he's getting £120,000

Wow legal nightmare, it might be wise to get your parents to take legal advice before doing anything. It would also be good to talk to your parents about how you and your sister feel otherwise resentment will fester and grow

Having witnessed someone i know 'take in' their single parent to live with them in similar situation to yours, i would suggest they are not getting a 'good deal' out of this. Trust me its no bed of roses.

The £100k in current climate wont suddenly turn their home into a mansion with a west wing so in reality they are going to be living on top of each other. The burden of accepting the money brings with it huge complications and responsibilities which can rip relationships apart. I hope your parents are talking to solicitors.....

From your perspective, of course its painful to see the possibility of an inheritance disappear, but if your DM is 60 and likely to need to maintain herself for a good 20-30 years you might not be looking at any of that £100k anyhow.

My suggestion is to leave it be and keep yourself on good terms. BUT DO NOT be dragged into any situations where you accept any responsibility for their welfare. This is the route they have decided to take and they must accept the good and the bad, just as you will do.

Then just sit back and enjoy your own life. Theirs will not be some bed of roses, believe me.

My parents aren't here no longer,dad passed away last month. My siblings didn't even bother with getting in touch with me or to help clear the house. But they haven't spoken to dad for many years. I asked dad to make a will,but it was too late. There was no probate and I was the next of kin (I'm the youngest out of 4). I kept every single penny and told them to take me to court. There wasn't alot by the time I spread the money 11 ways so I don't understand why they want it so bad. I looked after him for so many years, therefore it's mine. Sounds selfish but they don't deserve a penny!! I'd ask her to rethink her will. As you don't know what's going to happen in the future. Good luck,I can't stand poncey families.x

They need to visit a solicitor and sort out who will own what share of the house. It will protect everyone.

You are being very unreasonable to talk about your inheritance when your DM may have another 30 years to go.

In this setting, I am more worried that they will lose all their assets. They are only 60ish. Brother and SIL could fall out with them and then where would that leave them? No house. Rentals incredibly high. Trying to get blood from a stone.
Trying to evict brother and family to force a sale to get a little of their money out? It seems to be a very risky thing to do. Have they talked to a solicitor about protecting themselves a little?

It is their money but to effectively cut out 2 kids in favour of 1 unless theres a bloody good reason, is a bit shit imo. Im the eldest of 6 and we all have varying degrees of cash/income and as exec of my parents will i know we will all have equal inheritance but those who owe parents now will have that deducted As a parent of 6 kids I cannot imagine favouring 1 over the others to that extent. Its probably more the parents thinking this is ok that hurts more than the loss of inheritance I think.

Your are right to be concerned. I was 1 of 5 siblings brought up in care. We knew there was property, and other assets. We agreed among ourselves we would share equally. Now I know that it was his to bequeath. But.... he left it to two siblings and a small bequest to grandchildren school age, even giving the 2 siblings, 1 sm bequest and the other much more. It fractured what relationship my siblings and I had and we are now in our late 60's and 70's still wondering and hurt on why it had to be that way. I would advise asking gently and say how you feel about their decision. Make clear you understand the reasoning but are extremely hurt.

Her brother isn't signing up to anything. That's the point.

He can take the money, spend it on drugs and hookers if he wants to, and then turf her parents out onto the street and there will be NOTHING anyone can do about it.

They can choose what to do with their own money and families have all sorts of arrangements. Some leave all their money to Dogs Trust and that's fine - it's their money. Some give proportionately more to the poorest family member, some split it equally.

They don't have to give you any money, and presumably brother is signing up for all necessary future geriatric care in this arrangement.

That's the conversation you need to have, but you have to accept their wishes for their money. It's not yours by right.

YANBU. He’s being rewarded for making financially poor decisions and if your parents bail him out even once he’ll likely expect them to do it again - even if they don’t have the money.

I hate seeing things like this. Money isn’t important but feeling like parents don’t play favourites is and (however we look at it) inheritance is a big part of that