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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel our DS's birthday party?

111 replies

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:08

Our boy will turn 4 in a week. I have the invitations to nursery for them to hand out and I think people haven't checked their kids' bags. My husband thinks they're just waiting to know about their plans.

Out of 8 invitations only 2 have confirmed and 2 have said they can't make it. My husband is of the idea that we should cancel if we don't get to 3. I tend to agree as I think otherwise it would make things awkward.

We're not the best at social situations and we know our son doesn't really play/have friends so we know he won't know any difference. I feel bad he won't have a party, but my husband doesn't see the big deal as he never had one.

The plan was to just have them children at home and have a few activities for them to do. That worked last year!

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 15/10/2023 07:49

Don't cancel. It would be horribly unfair on those who have carpeted - downright rude that they aren't good enough - and unkind to your son.

Some people are crap and some invitations go missing.

Put another set in for tomorrow and either way, make the best of it. Your DS will have a great time.

DiscoBeat · 15/10/2023 07:44

I wouldn't cancel! I would change any hall booking to a party at home but you're doing that anyway.

Katela18 · 15/10/2023 07:42

How long ago did you hand out invites? I've found too far in advance and people don't know what they are doing yet so don't respond. I think no more than 2 or 3 weeks is the best time.

Regardless, I'd still go ahead with 2 especially if you're just at home

HarperMae · 15/10/2023 07:42

Theres 2 kids coming, that's 3 in total up to now. That's fine to still have a little play date party for him with 2 other kids, he will be made up!

MuggleMe · 15/10/2023 07:42

Well a playdate with a couple of friends and cake sounds like a lovely way to spend a birthday. Don't cancel! Do some nice nibbles for the parents and suck it up for 2 hours.

Goldbar · 15/10/2023 07:41

I'd give nursery another set of invites to put in bags again. The likelihood is that the parents haven't got them.

2 is fine for a 4yo party, or you could supplement with family friends etc. I'd also tell the 2 who replied that siblings are welcome to come too if you don't get any more responses.

Honestly, my house feels very full with 2/3 kids and associated parents in it. 8 and we'd be absolutely heaving! We once had 10 and that was really rather stressful. If you're not used to hosting, 2 is actually quite a good number to start with. Your son won't mind so long as there are cake and balloons, and it will be a good chance to get to know the 2 friends who are coming and their parents for future playdates.

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:39

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 07:33

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

this isn't a crowd, it's 2 4 year olds. You aren't expecting the parents to stay are you?

Oh course we are! In my experience parents ALWAYS stay. That changes as they get older. But parents stayed last year, and parents always stayed at my DDs parties.

OP posts:
sellote · 15/10/2023 07:35

You still have 4 left to confirm. In my experience (and I’ve organised quite a few parties!) most people don’t confirm until the last minute. Even with an RSVP date people tend to wait until that date. Don’t cancel as your son will still enjoy it even if only two come, and his friends could be looking forward to the party. My DC were allowed two friends to their birthday ‘parties’ under covid rules and enjoyed them just as much as their larger parties. I’m not great in social situations either but have made the effort for the sake of my DC.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 07:33

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

this isn't a crowd, it's 2 4 year olds. You aren't expecting the parents to stay are you?

margotrose · 15/10/2023 07:33

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

But in cases like this, you need to put your anxieties aside as it's about your little boy having his party.

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 15/10/2023 07:33

YABU!!
He's going to be 4, having a couple of friends over with play and cake will be special for him. Don't cancel!

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:32

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:25

The other 4 probably haven’t seen the invitations! You need to ask bursary to send a message on your behalf - or point out the parents to you.

However, yes, next week is half term so lots of people will be away if they have older children.

We very rarely get paper invitations any more - almost always done by WhatsApp or a party app. Children lose bits of paper and parents often don’t check bags I’m afraid.

I've told nursery like 3 times if they could remind/send a message (there's an app) but they've been NO help.

Half term is the following week over here.

I've always 2 is borderline OK, my DH is the one who thinks it's more of a playdate than a party.

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 15/10/2023 07:29

Don't cancel. Your son will have a good time with whoever comes. The two children have probably been told about it and will be excited.

Sunflower2222 · 15/10/2023 07:29

And don’t forget that those who haven’t replied could still turn up! (It’s rude but it happens)

MrsElsa · 15/10/2023 07:27

Don't cancel! DS will be so happy to have some kids round for play and cake. Doesn't have to last all day either. Usually 2 hours is plenty at that age.

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:26

I also wouldn’t cancel. The two children who have replied and are able to come might well have organised that day around the party. Not really fair to cancel. At age 4, just a few friends is absolutely fine for a party.

margotrose · 15/10/2023 07:26

I don't get the logic of three being okay but two being embarrassing Confused

Just let your little boy have his friends over.

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:25

The other 4 probably haven’t seen the invitations! You need to ask bursary to send a message on your behalf - or point out the parents to you.

However, yes, next week is half term so lots of people will be away if they have older children.

We very rarely get paper invitations any more - almost always done by WhatsApp or a party app. Children lose bits of paper and parents often don’t check bags I’m afraid.

JMSA · 15/10/2023 07:24

Why on earth would you cancel?
It's even easier with just a few kids Confused
Knowing that you are socially awkward, you should be actively encouraging him to have friends.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/10/2023 07:23

@JustMarriedBecca Depends where you are, our half term starts 23rd October

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:21

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/10/2023 07:15

You probably should have handed out a few more knowing that many might not make it.

Last year we handed out the same number and 4-5 came. A few years ago, for my DDs party we handed out 12, expecting 8 and all 12 confirmed!

We don't have friends nor family with kids that age. So it's just those 2. If that's the case I think I might rethink it and create an "afternoon tea" for the three of them.

Last year we only had a cardboard wendy house, mega blocks and something on the TV and that worked!

OP posts:
RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:17

The nursery will Obviosuly ask the parents first if they’re happy for you to get their number..

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/10/2023 07:15

You probably should have handed out a few more knowing that many might not make it.

Fivebyfive2 · 15/10/2023 07:15

My son turns 4 in Dec and is usually quite solitary at nursery but there are 2 kids he does play with/feels comfortable being around. We've invited those 2 and our next door neighbours kid who is the same age and he chats to over the fence. Just 2 hours, balloons, pizza, cake and something like decorating biscuits and musical statues.

You don't need to cancel, in fact if you're not particularly extroverted a smaller number could work better? Less overwhelming with numbers, a bit cheaper and your son will probably buzz off having a little party.

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:15

To add to above - if you have only sent invitations out without other contact you could ask the nursery for the parents’ phone numbers and follow up with a message. That’s what we did and it worked well.

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