Page 2 | To cancel our DS's birthday party?

chatenoire · 2023-10-15T06:08:17+00:00

Our boy will turn 4 in a week. I have the invitations to nursery for them to hand out and I think people haven't checked their kids' bags. My husband thinks they're just waiting to know about their plans. Out of 8 invitations only 2 have confirmed and 2 have said they can't make it. My husband is of the idea that we should cancel if we don't get to 3. I tend to agree as I think otherwise it would make things awkward. We're not the best at social situations and we know our son doesn't really play/have friends so we know he won't know any difference. I feel bad he won't have a party, but my husband doesn't see the big deal as he never had one. The plan was to just have them children at home and have a few activities for them to do. That worked last year!

Nn9011 · 15/10/2023 10:51

Just be careful there are a lot of people who will not RSVP but just show up. A family member threw a party recently and 3 non responses showed up expecting to be able to attend. Thankfully she could pay on the day as there was enough spaces but could have been a disaster otherwise.

curaçao · 15/10/2023 10:33

Its half term so th hey wont want to commit until close to the time .You will get liads responding at the 11th hour

cestlavielife · 15/10/2023 10:30

Small parties at that age are the best. Much less overwhelming for your child and you. Dont cancel

nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:28

Sounds perfect!

Original poster

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:15

stiffstink · 15/10/2023 10:09

How many named invitations were actually sent into nursery OP? You said you've had 2 yes, 2 no and silence from the rest, but are these 4 the blank invitations you mention upthread?

Why didn't you ask DS or nursery for the names of other children to be able to address the invitations rather than send in blanks? If we received an invitation that didn't specify a name I'd be bolshy enough to send a text to check with the party parent, but others might not.

Oddly enough the two confirmed were from the blank ones (and we only sent three of those).

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stiffstink · 15/10/2023 10:09

How many named invitations were actually sent into nursery OP? You said you've had 2 yes, 2 no and silence from the rest, but are these 4 the blank invitations you mention upthread?

Why didn't you ask DS or nursery for the names of other children to be able to address the invitations rather than send in blanks? If we received an invitation that didn't specify a name I'd be bolshy enough to send a text to check with the party parent, but others might not.

Original poster

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:09

nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:02

A teddy bear picnic with 2/3 kids sounds perfect I don't really know why you're cancelling

Yes, that's the new plan!

So I'll let the two that have confirmed to bring their teddies.

I'll get them a BPA free tea set and they can have fun that way. I'll also buy some of those Lego bracelets so that can be another activity.

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TheChristianArab · 15/10/2023 10:03

Do you have any non-nursery friends who you can invite? Even if the kids are slightly older or younger?

margotrose · 15/10/2023 10:03

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:01

I've organised plenty of parties and I know my son. We've just had a chat and we'll do a teddy bear picnic with our doggo being the "head teddy bear".

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Then why did you organise a party with nursery friends in the first place?

It really does seem like you can't be arsed and that you'd made up your mind before you even started this thread. I feel sorry for the other children who were looking forward to a party.

nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:02

A teddy bear picnic with 2/3 kids sounds perfect I don't really know why you're cancelling

Original poster

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:01

zurala · 15/10/2023 09:58

It sounds to me like you and your DH just can't be bothered to organise a decent party so you want to cancel. You need to suck it up and organise something decent - we always used to put out lots of garden toys and a mini bouncy castle (we bought one which was well used over the years).
Surely it's only two hours? It will fly past especially with some food. Just get on with it.
If you need ideas for activities Google is your friend. I would think some easy crafts would go down well.

I've organised plenty of parties and I know my son. We've just had a chat and we'll do a teddy bear picnic with our doggo being the "head teddy bear".

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zurala · 15/10/2023 09:58

It sounds to me like you and your DH just can't be bothered to organise a decent party so you want to cancel. You need to suck it up and organise something decent - we always used to put out lots of garden toys and a mini bouncy castle (we bought one which was well used over the years).
Surely it's only two hours? It will fly past especially with some food. Just get on with it.
If you need ideas for activities Google is your friend. I would think some easy crafts would go down well.

Original poster

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:50

He'll still have a birthday "party" with his older siblings. So it's not like he'll miss out. They're all teens/pre teens so they don't want to hang out with 3/4 year olds and I understand that!

We have no other family and yes we have other friends, but my son isn't attached (or has even figured out they exist) so again I doubt he'd care.

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Takeabreather23 · 15/10/2023 09:50

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:15

To add to above - if you have only sent invitations out without other contact you could ask the nursery for the parents’ phone numbers and follow up with a message. That’s what we did and it worked well.

They can’t give out phone numbers . Jeeze oh

PrinceHaz · 15/10/2023 09:46

My daughter’s birthday parties gave me extreme social anxiety, partly because I’m a bit socially anxious and partly because she wasn’t popular so the uncertainty about numbers always played on my mind.
In retrospect, I would say I’m glad I did them. excruciating as they were for me, particularly in the planning stage; they were memories made for her. We look at the pictures even now she’s 17 and comment on what she did, who was there and soon.

PlantDoctor · 15/10/2023 09:44

I don't think you should cancel your kid's party just because you might feel awkward. Surely they're really looking forward to it? My DD is nearly 4 and has been rambling about birthday parties for months

PrinceHaz · 15/10/2023 09:41

Id reframe it in your mind as a family party. If there are grandparents and other relatives who can come, invite them.
Because you know your son will not necessarily play with the others, divide party into sections of time with fairly structured activities do that keep the children absorbed e.g. a craft, pass the parcel, pizza making.
As an aside, has nursery suggested assessment for ASD? Just asking as he happily plays alongside rather than with and there being social anxiety in the family.

margotrose · 15/10/2023 09:39

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:48

They'd never know that would they? I'd just say he's poorly

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Honestly, it's starting to sound like you just CBA and want to cancel for an easy life.

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:33

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:21

Oh no she's said she'll definitely won't be here. She's 13 so it's not like she's a child of their age range.

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That’s a shame when it’s his birthday party. Older children often enjoy getting involved and playing with younger ones.

WeightoftheWorld · 15/10/2023 09:31

Goldbar · 15/10/2023 08:11

@chatenoire . Would your son prefer a party with just his family there?

I wouldn't cancel because just two kids were coming, but I would cancel/wouldn't organise a party in the first place if I thought my son wouldn't enjoy it.

I agree with this. In your current circs no I wouldn't cancel. However I wouldn't have organised a party in the first place for a child who you say won't be bothered about it and that you're concerned he won't even enjoy his own party. My DD is 5 and so far the only party we had was for her 4th birthday as she had asked for one. If she hadn't asked I wouldn't have done one, and so we didn't bother for her 5th.

Original poster

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:21

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:10

Also I’m presuming your DD will also be there, which adds another child. It’s a great number of children for that age.

Oh no she's said she'll definitely won't be here. She's 13 so it's not like she's a child of their age range.

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ToadOnTheHill · 15/10/2023 09:12

DH needs to get over his embarrassed about not having enough people at the party.

Will your son enjoy it? Is his birthday worth celebrating? Yes? Then do it.

Playing alongside is a normal development stage and making your son feel special is wirth the effort.

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:10

Also I’m presuming your DD will also be there, which adds another child. It’s a great number of children for that age.

Banrion · 15/10/2023 09:09

I really don't understand this. Why would you cancel? Three children together for a child turning 4 will be lovely. It sounds like you don't want to host a party which is confusing as you organised it.

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:06

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:07

Something I've forgotten to mention (and probably is one of the reasons to cancel).

Is that our son seems indifferent to other children. He plays alongside but not WITH them (if that makes sense).

We've taken him to two birthday parties and he refused to play with other children.

And as we don't know if he's "friendly" with these two, we don't know how he'll react.

This is normal at that age! It will be easier if you organise some activities to occupy them. So it could be a craft like making party hats - you can buy pre cut cardboard or just cut your own cardboard strips - and leave bits and pieces out that they can stick on. Or games like pass the parcel etc.

Organising social situations outside of school really helps them to develop and cement friendships, I’d make the effort.