To not want to go on holiday with in laws?

I don’t see why it’s a big deal to just say no thanks, not our idea of a good time? I’m quite fond of my ILs, though my MIL is also tactless and overbearing, and she’s been trying to get us to go on holiday with them for years. I just say ‘God, no — we have very different ideas of a holiday!’ or ‘That would be my idea of hell.’ If pressed, I would elaborate on my idea of a good holiday, which is either a long-distance walking trail, or a major Italian city where I do nothing but look at art from morning to night till I’m half-blind and exhausted by the end of a week. This makes them relieved.

The only option to keep everyone BUT YOU happy is for you all to go on holiday

I think you should set a precedent and you, DH and child do not go. Ever

Suck up the parents in law displeasure

It will pass eventually

If you do decide to go book a few day trips without telling them in advance and go to the beach a couple of times.

It depends on if you’d like to go away with your own family at some point.
you can’t ask DH to come with yours if you won’t go with his.
As PP just go and do your own thing.

DH going alone would cause a big argument and lots of awkwardness!

why would it?

OP. We had a similar situation when mine were both under 3y/o. Like you PiL have very differing styles and I also have Gen Anxiety Disorder, and my calming rituals involve keeping things neat. (My MiL is not neat) As we were in a villa, we had no 'own' space outside of the bedroom and I found it really really hard.
Honestly, think very hard and ask yourself, truthfully, if you don't want to go because you will find it next to impossible because of annoying habits , or do you not want to go because you don't like them.

If you can honestly say their habits or daily rituals will make you miserable and leave you very anxious, you must protect your mental health at all costs

What is your actual AIBU?
YANBU to not want to holiday with ILs. YABU to deny your husband the holiday.

I wouldn't want to holiday with my IL's. They're not as bad as yours. But I can't fully relax and be myself around them. A/L is precious and I'm not going to spend it with my guard up just as I do all day at work. That's reason enough for me.

Your mental health doesn't sound like it's up to this holiday.

Say no, your husband is old enough to realise his wife and son come before his mother.

Well DH can go can't he ! Even better send him with your toddler.

Your child will be exposed to many viewpoints and experiences as they grow. You cannot control this.
As long as your DH and in-laws are capable of looking after your toddler, make the most of a week of you time.

No, I categorically wouldn’t go.

Obviously DH can go without you if he wants.

I'd go on the proviso that we had a room somewhere else in the hotel, that you're hiring a car and going on excursions, and you'll meet them for dinner some Nights .. it'll be easy to make an excuse to not stay out late as you'd need to get your child off to sleep

You don't have to do the same as them every day.
It's perfectly usual for an excited grandmother to talk about "her baby". It doesn't mean she literally thinks it's her baby.
You don't have to go.

Don’t go. They sound as if they would impinge on your happiness even if you did do your own thing for most of it.
They would find a way to be overbearing.
If saying no to a holiday with rude in laws is a problem for your dh, then you have a dh problem.

Nope. Going on a holiday you won’t enjoy and with in-laws nope.
I don’t think holidays with others work unless everyone is very clear about what is expected, and you won’t get that with over bearing in-laws.

I would rather shit in my hands and clap than spend a week on holiday with my IL's. Been there, done that, once bitten and all that, so I have sympathy for you.

However, I would not stop DH going at all and would want him to go and have a lovely time.

Don’t go OP!

Say you can’t get time off work (unless you’re a teacher and they’ve booked for school holidays of course) and let DH and DC go and enjoy a week of peace on your own at home.

The OP been asked if she wants to go.

She doesn't want to. She doesn't need to find reasons to tolerate it or work round it or have them babysit in the evenings.

She is allowed to refuse!

Why go away with people you don't like just because they're 'family'?

Can’t your DH go and you stay home with the baby? I love my in laws so can’t really relate, but if you know you won’t enjoy it there isn’t really any point in going?

does your DH want to go?

A holiday with anyone whose idea of 'fun' is sitting around drinking all day is my idea of hell. Who on earth wants to sit around watching other people get soused?

Based on that alone I'd say no but encourage my DH to go if he wishes to. The time on your own spent quietly with your DC may actually be more relaxing for you than a week in a 5star VIP suite. If you feel your PND and anxiety may affect your ability to relax on your own, source extra support like an extra counseling session or quietly plan to have a friend or relative spend some time with you.

YANBU but what is your husband's take on this? I don't think I could enjoy a holiday knowing it would make my partner so miserable.

Not for me, my in-laws all went on holiday earlier this year, we didn’t go(I did say that I didn’t mind if dh went with them, he chose not to) I just can’t think of anything worse than having spent £2/3k to go on holiday and having to share my holiday with people I wouldn’t spend long periods of time with.

I want to go on holiday and be able to choose between dh and i what we want to do rather than having our time dictated to us.