To not want to go on holiday with in laws?

Yet another ‘my in-laws are awful’ post.it’s so depressing if you have sons. If OP,doesn’t want to go away with them ,fine. Just sick of dils moaning about ILs. It’s natural for women to be closer to their own mother, but give MILs a break!

Just say no.
If she wants to know why, just tell her.

Your title says you don't want to go on holiday with your in-laws. So don't..Just go by yourselves. Enjoy.

With pleasant helpful in-laws this night happen do but how many threads have I seem in here where family are on OPs arse all day over her not up to scratch by their standards parenting then Fucking off to go out while she wrangles a child alone 24\7.

And since this OPs husband seems to allow his mother to do crazy shi t like calling herself mum he's unlikely to be much use is he?

It's a field with no WiFi my kids wouldn't go never mind me. Actually H wouldn't go.

That's not a holiday!

A field, no WiFi no escape from SIL.

Say you don't do camping without a pool and a bar on site.

Yanbu - don’t go.
They’ll feel like they own you once you let them pay for the holiday & from what you say they are already over bearing and manipulate - it will be much worse & no kind of holiday.

Lets be honest—those who talk about the dh’s “right” to take the children on holiday without their mother or the grandparents “right” or want ti have a holiday with grandchildren—how often in reality to husbands and grandparents want ti holiday while doing allllllll childcare? In reality these overbearing grandparents and servile dh’s need OP to be there to do the hard work: diapering, toy wrangling, managing whining, early bedtimes, pool safety. Its a holiday for them which is just parenting-in-a-different -location for OP. Its not a gift and they don’t want to do it without her to do the scut work.

If it was the mum wanting to go away for a week you'd be telling her she needed the break and he'd be fine.
Everything the OP is feeling will be clouded by the anxiety and PND she mentions. Perhaps this proposed holiday isn't coming at the right time. But it's very hard to see the good in anything when you're depressed.

While she has no right to say if her DH goes she does have a right to say if her son goes. It may not be in his best interest to be away from his mum for a holiday.

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. But you shouldn’t stop your DH and DS going.

Is there any compromise possible?

E.g. spending a few days having a city break just you guys and then joining the in laws for a few days?

It doesn't matter, toddlers can still be quite attached to their mums and not cope well a whole week apart. Op's dc could be 1yo or 2yo, it's still very young

Do not go with them! They are stressing you out with their overbearing behaviour so the less you see of them the better. Put your own little family first and that means nurturing your own MH.

Don't go. Ever. Do your holidays your way.

I don't think the OP has said she's breastfeeding?

OP if you don’t trust your DH to ensure your DC are safe and well, what’s the point of him?

It's not entirely black and white though, is it. I'd trust my dh utterly with looking after my dd, he's more cautious and careful than I am, and also more "fun" and attentive...but at 2yo I was still breastfeeding her so we wouldn't have coped apart for a whole week.

I don't think it's unusual not to want to be separated from your 2yo child for a whole week. It doesn't mean you don't trust your dh.

Edit - I don't know why I assumed op's dc was 2yo, she just says "toddler" but I stick by my point!

I am getting a vibe that OP doesn’t believe her DS would be looked after adequately if she isn’t there?

OP if you don’t trust your DH to ensure your DC are safe and well, what’s the point of him?

I suspect this will end with OP saying (understandably) that she isn’t going. DH will sulk but won’t go without her and it will open a rift in their relationship.

The problem would be easy to solve if you would let DH go with the DC. Then you could just opt out yourself.
The issue is that you want to keep the DC with you, so grandparents don't get a holiday with their grandchildren unless you are present.
Recognise that their father has just as much 'right' to them as you do. If he wants to take them, he should.

However, I suspect he doesn't want to take them without you, as then he would have to step up and be a sole parent for the duration.

Tell DH and in-laws that you are simply not going. It is up to him if he wants to take DC. If you try to prevent him taking DC, it makes you look controlling and unreasonable.

If your inlaws are unhappy you aren't going tough. You'll be unhappy if you go. They can still go on holiday and if they enjoy drinking and lazing by a pool will probably enjoy themselves more without a young child anyway

If you don't want to go say you don't want to go. Holidays shouldn't be things you dread. Just say no

How much "exploring local culture" can anyone do with a toddler, anyway?

I often call my Guinea pigs my babies. Where do I sign up for therapy?

Just say "no thanks" or "no, doesn't sound like my kind of holiday" or "No, we'd rather just go somewhere quietly on our own thanks".

Where is the proposed holiday? Is there anyway to do just a few days, so maybe you go the week before them and just overlap a few days? Might be a compromise?

Just a suggestion, equally its perfectly fine to not go.

I've been in a few long weekenders with my ILs, but I get on really well with my bils wife so we ofter will go off and do our own thing.

I had a very similar relationship with in laws, with added bonus of MIL favouritism to DH’s sister & her child…we went on holiday with them and it was insufferable. I like to get up and be busy and received frequent eye rolls passive aggressive comments relating to this. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t gone.