AIBU for pulling out of a mutual exchange and refusing to move?

Forcing others out of their homes isn't the way to go about it. It's not the OP's responsibility to pay compensation for council housing having been sold off, or to sacrifice her needs because private landlords aren't given rent caps.

@JamieJ93

Rubbish!!

Where do you suggest she goes then??

She's has tried downsizing, the system doesn't work

I always think it's wise after a bereavement to wait and give yourself time to grieve and to find your bearings again.

This is the home you grew up in and where you nursed your dying mum, the home where she brought up three children alone. It's a home, not a commodity, and it's natural you want to give it, if you decide to give it, to people you can trust to respect it and treat it as a home also.

Don't let anyone or any external pressure get in the way of your own process, allow yourself time to stay if you want to, or wait until a home you really want to move to becomes available.

Not forgetting you might want your own family one day and would then need at least two bedrooms, so swapping to a two bed might be better for you anyhow.

I also agree, you are being unreasonable. I am severely disabled due to successfully recovering from gangrene in my leg ( I was extremely lucky to not have my leg amputated from the groin) I am stuck in a 3rd floor flat and I have hardly any muscle mass in my left leg and it's numb from knee down. I have been in band 1 for 11 months. ( I was disabled before I was taken ill) I have only just been approved for a managed move now.
I need an adapted property and people like yourself are taking up properties that people need! You don't need a 3 bed when they are very very hard for families to get the same with people living in adapted properties that don't NEED them!!

Please don't pretend social housing is subsidised. This is a myth and, as someone pointed out on another thread, a form of hate speech directed against people who are actually in more ethical housing and paying more, proportionally, into the system than homeowners.

Don't give into pressure to downsize from your family it's nothing to do with them
As for those CF's invading your property
I would inform your HA
They won't look kindly on their behaviour
Pull out now and don't feel guilty

Don't hate the players, hate the game!

I meant to quote this from Tabitha - so true:
''Morality' is something of a lame accusation in this case because it's not down to any single social housing tenant to be the arbiter of a government's failure to act. Also, the impact of potentially moving people away from social and support networks to 'solve' some of the issues of social housing by enabling others to occupy their homes isn't a practical solution.'

Stay put Op, who knows how soon you'll be settling down and starting a family. If you move into a small flat you'll be years trying to get out of it into something bigger.

When the family start on at you shut them down - I'm not discussing this any more. I've made my decision and it's final. Repeat - I'm not going to discuss this with you, so change the subject or I'm leaving. I've made my decision and it's final.

nah, I’d deffo pull out too.

Why on earth are you listening to them? Put stronger boundaries in place and never ever ever put strangers before your own happiness
Stay put @aibu200101

What is it to do with your family? Why are you so influenced by them? Yes your circumstances may change down the line, which might make any property less suitable but if you can afford your current one and the area suits, you do not have to move.

@Getupat8amnow - I agree. Social housing (and, indeed, the entire housing market in general, including the private rental sector) is an absolute shitshow in the UK.

The government aren't interested in doing anything about it, either. Not really. They might make a few noises about 'helping people into home ownership' but as far as social housing goes, no government has been interested in it for a very long time. Older homeowners are struggling to find suitable housing, too - developers don't build bungalows or apartment housing designed for later life unless it comes with a massive price tag for all sorts of fancy facilities and adaptations that many people aren't yet ready for. I was looking at a 'retirement village' in Kent the other day as part of research for my job. The cheapest unit is £375,000 and then you have to pay another £12,700 a year for service charges.

OP, in your shoes, I wouldn't move, either. I don't see there's anything less 'moral' about you staying in a home you love and pay for entirely off your own back than there is about our elected leaders doing fuck all to house families living in cramped, insecure, unsuitable or temporary accommodation by not creating more social housing.

'Morality' is something of a lame accusation in this case because it's not down to any single social housing tenant to be the arbiter of a government's failure to act. Also, the impact of potentially moving people away from social and support networks to 'solve' some of the issues of social housing by enabling others to occupy their homes isn't a practical solution.

Also think of potential issues with living in a flat. What is the situation witn the neighbours? Flats can be utter hell for noise transference. Do you have a pet? Does the MEX allow pets? What is the service charge for communal areas? How much is this likely to increase?

1. It is not subsidised. It's not run to make profit.
2. It is not the responsibility of people to move out. It it up to the Government to make provision for more social housing.
3. There is also a shortage of one bedroom homes.
4. The housing market in this country is a mess. People owning several houses whilst many have none. Private rents are sky high but wages do not match them.

None of this is the responsibility of the OP.

Ah my bad. I knew of someone who was helped by their housing association so I assumed it was a thing.

Stay exactly where you are. Many people get help to buy from family members, your mum helped you by you being able to succeed her as the tenant. It is your home. The housing crisis is the fault of the government and people buying second and third homes not you. If you don’t look after yourself no one else will. All the posters saying you should move are not in your shoes and do not know the ins and outs of your life. Enjoy your home and I send you my best wishes that one day you will be blessed with a family of your own. Ignore your siblings and other family members who are telling you to move.

@PenelopePlant

No they do not help. Not at all

It's down to you as a tenant

And no, they don't put you somewhere else to free up your home either

Don't housing associations encourage tenants to downsize if their house is bigger than they need? And therefore, I'm quite certain they can help you find something smaller without needing to swap with someone.

If I was in your position, the only way I'd move is if the housing association found me a 2 bed house with a garden. I wouldn't involve myself in mutual exchange, you're in a strong position. You'd be silly to move into a 1 bed flat as you could be there forever.

If you want to stay put, stay put. You're not claiming off the government so I don't see any problem with what you are doing.

You absolutely should put yourself first OP, because no one else will. Not your family, not those that want your home.

Right now you have security. You would be insane to give that up to appease anyone else. Stay where you are, and work on developing a thicker skin.

morally, someone shouldn't be occupying 2 bedrooms that they don't need.

Legally it appears you are entitled to do so.

Social housing has been good for your family - you and your mum, it was there when she really needed it. Maybe it's time to allow another family desperate for housing have somewhere decent to live if you don't need the space.

Social housing is for people in 'need', not for people who 'want'.

However, as far as the CF are concerned, no doubt they are desperate but their behaviour is just rude and it makes it difficult to want to help them.

Tricky.

It's not the OPs fault there isn't enough social housing.

It is her home. She has probably contributed both time and money to creating that home, as well as emotional investment.

If you want to stay OP, YANBU.

I have a 3 bedroom house, I own it. There is me and my son, the dog and the cat. Should I downsize to a 2 bedroom house just because there are 3 people living in a 2 bed?

I believe the HA should help more. Mines a 5 bed

I don't need it. Another kid due to move out soon. My rent is £800. A 2 bed locally is on the swap site and is £685 and a 3 bed house is £950

You would be absolutely crazy to move. If there was a system where you were put at the very top of the list when you needed to upsize by virtue of giving up your home now, fair enough. But you'll get absolutely no credit for it, as it stands, if and when you need a bigger property.

And all over stupid things. 1 collapsed because I refused to leave a dining table and chairs! They insisted it was to stay as it fitted perfectly and they had trouble sourcing one the same. They also were insisting I left a bathroom cabinet in situ as they couldn't fit another. Mad

I refused....that's my stuff