AIBU for pulling out of a mutual exchange and refusing to move?

If you're in social housing, it should be legal to move you to a more suitable property as it's not yours. In my opinion anyone that has spare bedrooms should be downsized to allow those bedrooms to be utilised. We should be building more flats for that reason. Too many bigger properties have single people rattling around in them and that's not right.

The issue here (for the morality brigade), is often you’ll find nowhere to move to, or if you do via Mex then you are placed somewhere unsuitable or at a lower standard of your own property or forced to move to an area away from your support network/job/friends etc, “but that’s part of living in social housing” I hear you cry. No, no it isn’t. The point of social housing is to help people secure affordable housing-please look at multiple legislations, see the housing act. It was not designed just for emergency accommodations or when people were falling on hard times, it was created for absolutely everyone, and laughably still is, which makes it even more important to remember when thinking about mortality-any of us can sign up for SH because it’s for everyone. It’s become seen as only for the very needy because there are not enough properties! It wasn’t designed to make people move around etc, since the 80’s right to buy created a crisis it’s only then people have been encouraged to shuffle around like cattle. That is not the fault of the tenants. The theory of tenants moving around is good in theory only and was a sticking plaster on the governments failings. Just like everything else the Tory government have dabbled in, it’s crashed and burnt spectacularly. If people are being offered houses and they create a home there and pour their money in to it then they have every right to be there-morally speaking as well because it is their home regardless of what other people want. The issue is the government, the housing crisis they created. This Mex is a smoke screen to make you angry at the people in the homes that you want/need, rather than see the real issue which is the government. If you are happy in your home OP, and plan to have a family then stay. You’ve already said you are not getting any benefits so the state is paying for nothing and you have every right to be there. It’s absolutely awful other people can’t get a house, but that’s in no way shape or form your problem. Set boundaries with your family and stop asking this wasps nest for advice, especially when you’ve said you don’t have a family yet, and it’s called mumsnet 😂 comes off a bit trollish. I don’t think you’re perhaps always going to get the fair judgement you should if you’re genuine.

OP don’t move stay where you are. When you start a family you may be forever on a housing list. Don’t give it up.

You've done the right thing in pulling out. Unless you have the financial ability to buy yourself an adequate house or flat for the future - do the sums to see if that's feasible - hang on to your home, where you cared for your mother and sadly have lost her, sorry to hear that - you've had a lot to cope with and your family are just jealous of what you have, under guise of 'concern' or morality.

Now this house gives you home and shelter and an assurance of your future. Give it up and no one will put you to the head of the queue when you start your family. You'd be high and dry.

I understand why you want to stay op, but I just really don’t think you should. Not when families are in desperate need now. You don’t need those rooms for 10 years.

Until your HA pressures you, stay put. Your personal happiness and safety is important and this house means something to you.

But it isn't irrelevant because I was replying to a previous poster as I explained before so therefore your comments are irrelevant.
Obviously there are a multitude of ways to avoid paying taxes - the previous poster made a specific point that people who rent from social housing pay extra tax. I simply pointed out that they may do in certain circumstances but plenty of them don't pay anything towards their housing.
I really don't understand why this is a difficult concept for you to grasp.

The point is, it's irrelevant, because people could equally not be paying taxes in all different types of housing, from privately owned mansions to private rentals to tents to houseboats. Private rentals are the homes where the taxpayers' money goes astray, not social or council housing.

Nope, I was replying to the poster that jumped in to inform us all that everyone paid for social housing out of their own pocket and they are actually benefiting us all by paying extra tax.
I pointed out that I personally know of two couples where this is not the case.
It is quite bizarre on here and people almost try to gaslight you into believing that all people in social housing are saintly, hard working individuals that always give more than they take.
I could walk you around one of the delightful estates in my town that might open your eyes a little.
Also, just for future reference, I can post my opinion on any thread I like regardless of whether you agree with me or not.

I think you're on the wrong thread. This one isn't about whether people work or not and it's irrelevant anyhow what housing people live in in that case, except that obviously they cost taxpayers a lot more if they're in privately rented housing, but that's another issue.

If you're in social housing, the money goes back to society so isn't actually paid or lost in any way.
In that case we should all give up work (as it is the none working people I refer to, not the many that do work and live in social housing) and all housing stock should be taken over by the government to provide us with the homes they deem us to need (kiss goodbye to owning a three bed house if you are a couple with no children) we can all claim UC and the money will endlessly go round in a circle back to the government to give to us?
There isn't a way anyone can convince me that people who do not work and live in social housing are paying into the system, sorry.
Again I do not refer to those who are working and live in social housing.

That's completely irrelevant because that's about people who are claiming benefits, not about people in non-private housing.

If you want to express your opinions about people who claim UC, you could start another thread? However, it's worth pointing out that you can only claim out of work benefits if you're working, unless you're severely disabled or if you can prove at weekly-monthly jobcentre meetings that you're spending around 30 hours a week finding work, so it is usually only a temporary situation or for people who work (and even then you're only allowed to claim if you're earning a full time minimum wage). If you're in social housing, the money goes back to society so isn't actually paid or lost in any way.

Can I ask that you highlight exactly where in my post I said that?
I mentioned that a nurse and a teacher would pay back in tax on their rent (as they are working)
The couples I KNOW IN REAL LIFE are not paying anything back as they don't work (apart from cash in hand) so they don't pay anything!
Calm down and read what I said properly.

And why the fuck are you under the impression the every SH tenant is claiming UC?

I and everyone on my street of SH houses works. It’s not a caveat of having a SH house that you don’t work, most of them do, most of them pay their own rent. No one seems to mind if UC are paying extortionate, over inflated private rents that line the pockets of greedy landlords!

Council rents make a profit, however, that's returned to the treasury: in effect council tenants pay extra tax in their rent.

That's assuming they work and the entirety of the rent isn't paid by housing benefit and UC though?

I get this statement if for example the people living there are a nurse and a teacher, both are paying tax and full rent with no housing benefit.

A couple with a child and neither of them working (I know a few) are not paying anything into the system, tax or otherwise as they receive housing benefit to cover the majority of the rent and they 'pay the rest' out of the UC they claim....how are they returning anything to the treasury when that's where it came from in the first instance?

This should be pinned to Mumsnet pages, the number of people who throw nonsense about tenants about.

It's actually illegal to subsidise social housing rents, according to the freedom of information response here.

Council rents make a profit, however, that's returned to the treasury: in effect council tenants pay extra tax in their rent.

For the idiots on this thread throwing around the “subsidised rents” falsehood!

https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/is_my_social_housing_rent_subsid

Im sick of people thinking the SH tenants are scum. How about you direct your anger at private landlord scum instead.

My answer would be different if you were an older person who had raised their children in the home, then found themselves an empty nester with space. Then I'd advise that they downsized and made room for another family.

But you're probably going to have a family of your own, OP, and will need that space yourself at some point in the near future. I'd hang onto your home as the chances of getting into another one when you need it are slim!

As for the other people pestering you? They're CFs, block them.

I agree with this.

It shouldn't be allowed, but it is. And that's not your fault or responsibility. You should take full advantage of your situation.

I think you're going off-topic quite a bit. We were talking specifically about people living in their social/council housing family homes when their parents die and I was referring to the practice of making the bereaved leave shortly after their parents' deaths (which is not the case in OP's situation, but often is in newer tenancies).

Now you're changing your story.
Your original problem was that children were 'usually' thrown out of their homes. That's because 'usually', other adults don't want to care for them in their homes. The assertion 'some might' has nothing to do with 'usually'. If the home's willed to them of course they can stay. For rented - same thing - if another adult is willing to move in and take over the rent they can stay. Nobody's forced to move.

R.e. grown adults - now you're expanding the definition you can't be 'thrown out' if you don't live there. Not having somewhere to return to isn't the same. If a privately owned home is willed to children (as is usually the case) then they can very well choose to keep it. They choose money instead. In cases of being sold to fund care - why do you think it's 'despicable' for people to bear the vost, instead of taxpayers for the sake of memories?

Pretty sentiment and throwing around of words like 'trauma' and 'despicable' from you but not only do you have no solutions for the very practical reasons people can't stay in the majority of cases people themselves choose to get rid of a 'family home' for money. Quite dramatic of you to decide that this is deserving of contempt.

The OP doesn't want to move. Her family are bullies. So why would she do that?

Glad to see the hugely subsidised rent crap is tailing off. Think it's only taken 10 yes to get from free houses to just a couple of daft comments.on here 🙄

Other adults might want to care for them in their homes, actually.

I don't know why you think our family homes are no longer our family homes after we're 18, but it's a subjective viewpoint. Many of us see our family homes as the homes of our family members, which is what makes them family homes, irrespective of age.

and would you do this? move into a bed sit from your family home? no, exactly.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable and have absolutely made the right decision. Stand firm and do not entertain another discussion with your family about moving out ever. The housing system is broken and it is not your job to fix it - you can use the extra bedrooms as a walk-in wardrobe, study etc whatever you please as the house is yours! You never know what the future holds and this is the opportunity for you to have an affordable property that a lot of people can only dream of. Do not be bullied or gaslighted into thinking otherwise, hold your head up high, don't look back and enjoy your home and future.