AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

I would have politely declined saying as of the baby, if they then offer to bring then up to you. I don’t think you need to point out anything more as feels like pressure.

people often ask for child free weddings for a reason (could be a number of reasons even if just want a calmer environment), I think it should be respected especially if a long term friend.

She hasn’t moaned about that.

She’s moaned about people failing to respect her clearly stated wishes and pushing for their own preferences. She’s had no issue with people declining, and has in fact readily accepted it.

Well then she just shouldn’t turn up? 🤣 of course she should ask! Have you actually got married? If my friend didn’t turn up because she had to breastfeed a baby and I didn’t know then I’d be upset!

😂😂😂 I doubt she cares about you considering her unreasonable any more than I do.

No one needs you to ‘buy into’ anything. If someone invites you to something that for whatever reason doesn’t suit you, don’t go. It really isn’t that fucking difficult.

Yeah, that's why she's moaning, obviously.

She is utterly unreasonable and so are you.

I never did buy into the selfish attitude on the part of some brides. I wanted all my guests to enjoy their day. Seems as if not one shiny shit is given any more. Makes you wonder what is the point of even having guests! Just feck off and do the job somewhere else if you are so bloody precious.

I would want my oldest friend to be at my wedding. That to me is more important that her bringing her baby!

Yes, one day she wants to her liking. If the friendship is years old then OP will understand that and get over it.

It's one bloody day and presumably the friendship is years old.

If she was worried about that she’d have relented on the no children rule. Clearly she’s quite happy with the number of attendees.

As disappointing as this clearly will be for you, I genuinely cannot say that’s ever been my experience of a childfree wedding, my own included. You’re very keen to imagine hosts complaining and crying about people declining the invitations, despite there being nothing to suggest that anyone actually is.

Based on the increasing popularity of childfree weddings I’m going to hazard a guess that plenty of others similarly do not view them negatively, otherwise they wouldn’t be catching on.

Yes, but the smaller your wedding is the more difference it makes if people don't come.

Oh well, her loss.

If the bride is having "such a small wedding" she won't be too astounded that it'll be quite a small party @MargotBamborough 😂
It's how she'll have planned it.

Nothing "happened to me".

And no, I haven't attended a wedding like that, because none of my friends are dickheads.

But since the OP's friend is having such a small wedding that only a very small number of people are invited to the ceremony and meal and some of them have been told they have to leave promptly before the evening do, and she's got at least two friends with childcare issues, it sounds like it could be quite a small party.

I know right?!

@MargotBamborough have you ever actually been to a child free wedding?! They’re brill!

Have you ever attended a wedding party held in a half empty room because it was a baby free zone, @MargotBamborough ? I certainly haven't.
You seem extraordinarily bitter about this, what happened to you?

Yes, "hun", but don't go crying to anyone else if you find yourself in a half empty room.

Agree with this… we specified that unfortunately we will not be having any children other than our nieces and nephews… however even then we allowed my friend to bring her 10 day old baby as it’s unreasonable to expect a newborn to be left for a whole day.

Well done, @Xandria22. It sounds like both you and the bride were reasonable in this case.

By all means be sad about it hun.

She isn’t demanding anyone’s presence, or for OP to put herself out. If it being childfree means they can’t make it they can’t make it. That’s generally how events work - if for whatever reason you can’t attend, then go ahead and decline the invite.

Well I find it pretty sad that you would rather one of your oldest friends (who is clearly prepared to put herself out for you) couldn't make it than allow a young baby whose presence you will most likely not even be aware of to attend.

And that’s when you have to decide what you want more 🤷🏻‍♀️

For many people, this bride and groom included, what they want more, and would find more enjoyable, is a childfree wedding.

Well, by definition, it isn't the day you want if some of the people you want to be there decline the invitation.

One of my oldest friends has said no children and we will have a 10 month old by his wedding day if all goes to plan. She’ll be old enough to leave with someone overnight but I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable to get so we have declined.

I have another wonderful friend whose wedding is a month after our due date and have declined because we’ll have a newborn- even though she is invited I don’t want her to be around so many people with a compromised immune system.

you can just say no :)

She’s set on having the wedding day be one that she and her husband to be want. No shit.

if that means some people decline the invite then so be it.

we had no children other than mine and husbands nieces and nephews and my godchildren at our wedding, the evening was a ‘kids welcome’ event….
I can’t really see why having a 4 month old there makes any difference to the bride and groom?! It’s not like it will be running around and it’s cries won’t be heard over the music anyway…
Just don’t go, saves you the hassle and expense of a gift!