AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

Agree with this. You're both being reasonable, but she needs to own her decision making.

Does she know your DH and baby are going to the hen location? Not every bride would be keen on that either!

YANBU OP I'm getting married soon. There's nothing wrong with asking!

@Sayitaintso33 babies are included in the headcount for fire regulations.

'If she is set no babes in arms'

The invite not including children has already made that clear - no children means no children, not 'no children except babies'.

Unfortunately for OP this is a welcome to the world of being a parent, not everywhere is baby friendly and it's up to others to decide whether they want babies at their wedding.

If the invite didn't explicitly say that it's an adult only event, of course YANBU for asking.

We had kids at our wedding but we didn't put all the kids names on the invites (we didn't even know all their names!) We just assumed people would know their children are invited as the default, because we didn't state 'adults only'. No one contacted us to clarify, they just brought their kids.

I think it's very immature of her to not reply to you, especially when she was vague on the invitation. It would be easy to respond politely saying that it's an adult only event and that she understands you can't make it.

Just leave her to it op

Are you going to the hen do?

Jesus wept 😂 now childfree women can't correctly identify a child?

She just doesn't want kids there. And that's her choice and should be respected.

This is awful advice, no they're not! If they're having a childfree wedding that means children are not welcome. Last I checked a baby is still a human child.

This. I wouldn't be happy about the hen do either.

@Irridescantshimmmer selfish adults need to learn to make compromises instead of sticking to their own rigid inflexible and mindless choices.

Fml at that whole post. Interestingly, this is absolutely how a lot of women feel about OTT mothers who think the sun shines out their baby's bum and refuse to compromise on anything for fear of delaying a nap 5 minutes.

@BoohooWoohooI have kids so understand that point unlike a childless person who would reasonably think that baby is a child.

Ah yes, childfree women are idiots. I forgot

YANBU for asking
She INBU if she says no, it just means you can't go
She IBU for not responding

I know lots of people that have just turned up to weddings with babies without even asking about it so at least you've asked. At 4 months and EBF I'm surprised she thought you would leave the baby with somebody else anyway to be honest and that it hasn't already come up.

If this is your oldest friend then the message is fine. who tiptoes around good friends? call her if you're worried.

I suspect that she thinks babies are children so that you are asking to try and get her to make an exception for you.

I understand why you asked (babies are sometimes an exception) but I have kids so understand that point unlike a childless person who would reasonably think that baby is a child.
Does she know that you're breastfeeding? She might assume that breastfed babies can be left with dad and have a bottle of expressed milk for the day.

She was rude not to reply to you and moan about you to other people. If she is set no babes in arms then she needs to own that and just let you know and accept that means you may not come,

I mean, I could probably have asked at the local nursery if they would let me hire some infants to make up the numbers.

What on earth is your point?!

I know the choice is yours but ask yourself " whose needs are more important ?"

The needs of your vulnerable child who is exclusivly breastfed and whose survival depends on you or your friend?

This is a black and white situation, no grey areas its an easy decision to make for a lot of mums. Babies must come first, selfish adults need to learn to make compromises instead of sticking to their own rigid inflexible and mindless choices.

So if you and your husband decide not to go to their wedding, don't go feeling bad about it and do not let her force you to feel guilty afterwards either.

Got we’d at 26 as well and a quarter of our guests were under 5!

This is really bad advice, if an invite does not include children then do not assume that doesn't include babies!

This is terrible, terrible advice. No-one outside of mumsnet knows about the supposed babes-in-arms rule.

The invite makes it clear that children are not invited, thus you have to assume your baby isn't invited. You should have RSVP'd saying sorry you couldn't make it (and maybe added as an aside that you just cannot leave the baby for that length of time). You are basically now asking for special treatment and making her feel awkward. I do understand why you cannot leave the baby, of course.

I'm afraid I think she made it perfectly clear by not including the baby on the invitation.

MN is convinced that there is a Great Exception for babes-in-arms but the problem is that no-one tells brides this, especially if they don't have children of their own. It didn't affect my wedding as I didn't know anyone with babies but I didn't have a clue that this was a 'thing' when I got married at twenty-six.

um no, you don’t turn up to someone’s wedding day with a baby without even asking.

I think your request is totally reasonable but the way you have worded it is not. Your final line is quite manipulative, and it is basically issuing an ultimatum to the bride. It didn't need to be said, and would have been kinder to have left it out. I think you need to apologise before the hen do.

Have to agree with the pps, the "can't come if baby can't" does seem a bit like slapping an ultimatum down from the get go. The invite did specify no kids so personally, I wouldn't have even asked and just sent well wishes. Maybe drop her another message and apologise for the poorly worded previous message to see if you can smooth it over?

No need to ask, not only is there no service to disrupt, babes in arms are always welcome alongside their mother, and possibly their father.