AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

@fitzwilliamdarcy everyone thinks Gemma from receptions marriage won't last a year so they're all thinking of excuses not to go (or put in to the gift) 😉 having a baby is a bit drastic but needs must.

YANBU. I once got told by a longtime friend that if I needed to take my 2 week old baby to the wedding then I was no longer invited. I also exclusively breastfed and so had to decline. I always think if people really want you there they’ll make it work! We clearly weren’t as close as I thought as I didn’t see her again!

lol, only on MN are you basically evil for prioritising your own wishes for your own wedding over the fact that Brenda from Accounts wants to bring her 3 kids.

You're not being unreasonable at all.

You're not asking for special treatment for any of your kids. You're asking because you have a very young baby who is exclusively breastfed. I would ask to clarify whether they could come or not as to me, this might be an exception.

I would also ask in the way you have done - just checking if... absolutely fine if they can't come but we wouldn't be able to make it due to...

There's nothing wrong with asking like this in my opinion.

It's an exclusively breastfed young baby. Fine if the answer is no. But I'd rather double check and clarify rather than just assuming it's definitely a no and declining the invite straight away.

The children were not invited. One would think that was enough for most people.

No, she probably thinks it's for op to manage the finer details of juggling a baby and a wedding invitation, and if they prove to be unmanageable, just gracefully decline the invitation.

*@Bean83tsdo you often get an invite and decide to bring extra people outside of what it says on the invite?

Might bring my 2 friends to my cousins wedding.... Invite only had my name and OHs name but it's not clear if its only us 2 invited because the invite didn't say "do not bring extra guests".....*

😄

Just send your RSVP regrets now - her silence is your answer. I’m not sure how that affects the hen do: it’s possibly a bit odd to still attend that but perhaps she’d be happy with that…you know your friendship best.

If she’s also got no kids she won’t truly get how difficult it is to leave ebf baby either OP.

My son was bottle fed and I don’t think I really got it either as I didn’t have that issue.

You’re wording had made it a bit awkward. It’s her wedding so she will be emotive anyway so can totally see how she will think you’re being a diva.

just politely decline. She doesn’t want babies.

And round we go again... 🤦‍♀️

Except it wasn't. The invite didn't have OPs children on it but nowhere has the bride said specifically that it was a child free wedding.

@Bean83ts do you often get an invite and decide to bring extra people outside of what it says on the invite?

Might bring my 2 friends to my cousins wedding.... Invite only had my name and OHs name but it's not clear if its only us 2 invited because the invite didn't say "do not bring extra guests".....

Is that how you approach life in general, @Sigmama?
Bulldoze your way in to places you're fully aware you won't be welcomed because you know common decency on the host's part will prevent them from shoving you bodily back out the door?
You must be a delight to all in your orbit.

The problem with occasions like this is that people just go "oh can't you just express and leave baby with someone else" and when ebf you just can't. My son wouldn't take an expressed bottle.
So she probably thinks you are being awkward asking to bring baby. But as you have explained you just wanted to clarify to her. I think a proper conversation is needed that isn't over a text message and that like you said you didn't want her to be offended if you don't go. She's probably just stressed out about the whole thing.

Where did op say That the bride said no children?

Well yes she can. She also may be a little surprised at being asked, as it was already made clear that it was a child free wedding.

She’s asked the question they bride can say no?

@Sigmama I know of people who shared your selfish outlook and they were asked to remove the baby from the venue. The venue had a minimum age limit of 14 for insurance reasons, not to mention most have a maximum head count for insurance / health & safety reasons too. Sometimes it's not just that the bride "doesn't have kids so she doesn't understand" 🙄 and is out of the couples control.

I just put Mr&Mrs & Family.

If it were our wedding the wedding co-ordinator would have ejected said person and the child as we were at capacity with our head count and they would have been breaching their fire regulations.

(And yes we were told babies counted which is part of the reason why we didn't invite any children).

I wouldn't bother asking, just bring the kid, it's not like she's going to throw you out of the wedding

@M4J4@M4J4 : I suppose it's different where I live (Flanders, Belgium) and hence my suggestion. Totally normal here to have a weddingreception (couple is standing & greeting, guests have drinks and nibbles) and after that a big dinner and dancing. Some people may be invited for the whole day, but others will only attend the evening. Evening usually is more posh, with classy tables, a sit-down dinner, the cutting of the cake, opening dance, DJ, dancing through the night. So booking a hotelroom ánd a babysitter would not be exagerated here 🤷🏼‍♀️ (just explaining why I thought this was a good idea).

The bride made it clear from the invite children were not invited. You should have just politely declined and not have backed here into a corner about bringing a child.

I don't think you were unreasonable to ask, a 4 month old is very different to a 2 year old.

I think she's unreasonable to not reply to you and talk about it to someone else.