AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

So she's getting married in the middle of nowhere, is having evening guests as well as day guests, and she wants some of her day guests who are presumably close family to leave early so they can take their children home?

I don't think it's at all surprising that she is getting complaints from multiple guests about her wedding arrangements.

In a way I'd be glad that she's given you a cast iron excuse not to attend. She's made it as difficult as possible for people with children to attend, only other people will not feel able to decline the invitation so they'll have to sort something out.

I think you have handled this well and were right to message again, and you have found out the reason for your friend’s silence.

Your original message was fine, just came at the wrong time. It’s unfair that your friend has had ‘backlash’ from other people, it’s her call not to have children/ babies at the night do. I hate it when others think they can dictate the arrangements for a wedding. She may have even not minded you bringing baby, but now others have complained so clearly she has to say no to everyone.

Yoyr response was great, and has taken the pressure off her and saved your friendship when it could have escalated unnecessarily so well done all involved!

Personally I hate weddings and find them boring so would have loved an excuse for non attendance 😂

I know.

This bride made it clear it's a childfree wedding. Pestering her about bringing a child is rude.

The correct thing to do is to decline.

I think your not BU. But you should have picked up the phone. Even to follow up after the message. If your close she will understand.

Yes same. I wouldn’t want to spend money going to someone’s hen do if they couldn’t even be polite enough to reply

The bride is being really weird for not just answering the question (pick up the phone and have a chat maybe?) im not sure I would be going on this hen do without resolving it first. This has all become so awkward for no reason. OP nothing wrong with your initial message. But the bride talking about it so that it gets back to you via someone else is childish.

I wouldn't force a new breastfeeding Mum to leave their baby an hour away

who is forcing her? Why is not attending never an option here. No one is forcing her to do anything, it doesn't work for her so she says no.

When I was breastfeeding such a small baby, I wouldn't have been able to drink, had massive engorged boobs and spent half the time pumping in the toilet. No thanks!! 🤣 Let alone the poor babe at home alone without both parents. Some babies just don't deal with sitters well at that age!

Someone said it best. YANBU to ask, she is NBU to say no, she IBU to not reply.

So I was a child free bride and didn't even allow our nephew's there but now have a 2 year old and my views have changed.

I think your request is reasonable and I wouldn't force a new breastfeeding Mum to leave their baby an hour away and deal with having to pump in the toilets etc. I would rather have my friend there to see me celebrate with a baby strapped to her in a sling.

A wedding is a big deal, but also is having a newborn and I don't see how you having a baby in a sling will effect her day at all.

I do remember thinking that's crying kids would ruin the meal and ceremony though but there will be loud music etc in the evening so I honestly can't see the problem.

If she doesn't reply, then don't go... But that would be the end of the friendship for me if she can't spare 5 mins to explain why.

I don't think many are f the posters here breastfed, you cannot leave a breastfed baby for more than an hour or so, mine fed at least every 2 hours, wouldn't take bottles, couldn't be consoled any other way, and it was pretty uncomfortable for me too as my body was used to them feeding. By 6 months I could go a bit longer as they were weaning on solid food. Thankfully everyone I know understood, went to a couple of weddings too, they automatically expected kids to come

That's a weird conclusion.
There are bouncers at a whole host of events for a whole host of reasons.

Seems fair enough to me, I think it's pretty rude not to invite kids anyway. The youngest at my wedding was 6 days old!

I’m assuming because someone would hire a bouncer for their wedding that they’re an unpleasant person yes.

You're assuming a person's ehole character just because they want a child free wedding?

I have breastfed, for approx 13 months. I can also understand why someone wants a child free (so none at all, not even babies) wedding. Being a parent does mean difficult decisions sometimes or maybe missing out.

You sound a complete joy to be around

I think a lot of these negative messages above are from people who don’t or haven’t breastfed. A baby under 6 months who is exclusively breastfed needs to be with mum.

I had a child free wedding. But I put on the invite that of course anyone with a small baby under 6 months or so was absolutely welcome to bring them along.

OP I would have done the exact same thing as you and messaged the bride explaining you would only be able to attend with baby so she was clear.

If this was a black tie evebing dinner then probably a baby wouldn't be appropriate

But if it's the normal disco with a buffet with everyone in the bar or wedding main room then a baby for an hour or so to say hello to bride/friends then head off seems normal.

I'd say no response means friendship over really. You feel awkward chasing for a response and obviously now your only response is just to decline the wedding invite and probably the hen and leave it to her to get beck in touch.

I assume invite to hen came way before you knew it was evening only invite.

Hi, please just go for a few short hours, have a few drinks and some dancing.
Leave at a reasonable time to return to your children.
Sorted.

I think your reply was fine. Always worth checking.

We went to a wedding which the invite specified no children. I messaged the bride to say we'd love to come but our baby would be 6 months so we couldn't leave them (abroad wedding). The bride was shocked I'd even asked and said of course baby was invited.

Equally we went to another wedding where one of the bridesmaids had a 3 month old breastfeeding baby and no exception was made for her. Was a bit shocked at that one!

Oh I would. When my partner and I eventually get married we want it strictly childfree. That includes everything from a one day old to one day away from 18 year old.

We do not want children there because we want an adult, sophisticated, black tie type of event. As is our prerogative.

If people we invite would prefer not to come because they don't agree with us or can't find childcare then fine.

It is our both of our second wedding and we are adamant that it will be our choice of celebration. That is no children. Not even family ones and if we get an indication that our wishes are going to be ignored then we will hire a bouncer to turn them away.

😂

I don't think she wants your baby at the wedding. She needs to get back to you though! Obviously it's totally fine for you to say you can't go without the baby....