AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

Are we just making things up now?

She’s unhappy because she’s had two people simultaneously trying to get her to change her wedding plans.

Well yes. I think it's quite likely that a lot of people have declined and the bride is unhappy about it, which is why she ignored the OP's text and the OP heard she was annoyed via a third party.

Well, we have no idea on that one, so you’re free to imagine them occupying whatever part of the emotional spectrum you desire them to.

and that’s fine - you’d be free to decline. That’s the point: if it doesn’t suit you then, instead of trying to change it to something the actual organizers explicitly don’t want, don’t go.

I'd guess you're also not as judgemental as the person with the 'you must be fun at parties' sort of comment (because that's what her comment is akin to)......

I think threads like this tend to show that there are two types of people: ones who can't believe adults can have fun without children around and ones who know they can. I'm firmly in the latter camp because to me when children are present at a party the whole party revolves around them. That's cool if it's a child's party, but if it's an adult one then it's annoying.

I think there's also an element of life stage as well. My partner and I are in our 50's and when we marry next year it will be the second time for both of us. Both of our first times were dominated by family expectations and, in my case at least, fucking masses of family members who all have fucking masses of badly behaved brats. My first wedding was hell. His first wedding was hell for similar reasons.

This wedding is for us and the people who we have in our lives who, apart from my sister and father and his parents and kids, are our friends. His kids won't come to our wedding as we don't get on and they are the on,y people who are in the age bracket for having young kids. The rest of our guests either don't have kids or have older kids. Our guest list will reflect our lives - which has no young children in it. So actually the joke about the bouncer is just a joke....but then maybe not, thinking about some of my family members who tried to make my mothers funeral all about them...

You don’t need to bottle feed babies in order to create a bond with them. You can do that by singing to your baby, cuddling them, playing with them, bathing them… hopefully this wasn’t an idea that was put in your head by your partner or your baby’s grandparents?

And oldest doesn’t mean best, or closest. It means oldest.

Unlikely, I think.

Even regardless of kids, if I received an evening invite for a wedding that wasn't local to me I honestly could not be arsed.

Or, barring two, they’re all fine with it.

Well we know that she has close family and friends with children who are attending the day part but have been asked to fuck off before the evening event and friends who have been invited to the evening do when it's in the middle of nowhere and they weren't deemed special enough to be there for the whole day. So that's a lot of people who are probably feeling quite lukewarm about the whole thing.

What a lot of nonsense about breastfeeding.

I breastfed both my children exactly the same way. My son took a bottle with zero issues. My daughter refuses completely.

‘The majority of her guests’? I wasn’t aware she’d only asked three people to attend.

Rather than simply decline the invite, two people, in quick succession, decided to pick at her about her wedding arrangements. That isn’t someone that has an issue with them declining to attend, that’s someone that has an issue with people trying to alter her wedding to their liking.

I’m assuming because someone would hire a bouncer for their wedding that they’re an unpleasant person yes.

Why? It was actually a joke, but I'm interested to know why. Actually I, not because I don't really care what you think of me 🤷‍♀️

I'd guess you're also not as judgemental as the person with the 'you must be fun at parties' sort of comment (because that's what her comment is akin to)......

If that were the case she would have just politely replied, "No, sorry, not even breastfed babies" to the OP rather than ignoring her message and then slagging her off to someone else. She's clearly salty that the majority of her guests aren't as thrilled about her wedding arrangements as she is. And for what it's worth, if my sister or sister in law or whoever wanted me to bring my kids to the day part of her wedding and then take them home before the evening do when she'd chosen to get married far away from anywhere I would make my feelings about that known as well.

I think you handled it perfectly and seeing the update too, I hope she does meet up and show wedding photos with you.

You sound a complete joy to be around

Why thank you. My friends certainly think so.

Except the bride is owning it.

Her issue isn’t that people can’t attend due to the childfree nature of the wedding, it’s that she had two people pushing back on it in quick succession.

@jamjar3 just to educate you a bit on other possible reasons women exclusively breastfed. Some women can’t express (it was like trying to get blood from a stone for me!) and some babies won’t take a bottle (I had this too when I started to try and introduce a bit of formula so DH could help with feeding as I was absolutely exhausted). I would have loved to share the feeding experience with my DH but it wasn’t possible. I tried. So just bear that in mind when you’re throwing around judgmental rubbish on here.

Whoa that's a bit of a stretch!
I remember my SIL marking a comment to me about leaving DH out because I was BFing. She didn't bf at all and found my choice odd so was finding ways to imply that it was wrong and weird.
I ignored her, as it's clearly a ridiculous thing to say.

🤣🤣🤣

I have been in the same position for a wedding, where we were going for the day. DS was exclusively breastfed, he also at the time had undiagnosed food allergies giving him lots of tummy troubles so he physically couldn’t take a bottle. Couple were also not that keen, and worried about opening flood gates to other kids. It turned out they didn’t really understand that he was so young he wouldn’t need to be catered, have a high chair etc. or that a baby could be so dependent. They talked through with other friends and family, and came to realise it was reasonable. In the end there were 3 small babies at the wedding, but no other children, and it worked out fine for all.

Tbh I wouldn't take a baby to the night do...just not right place for a baby anyway 👍 I went to a wedding when my baby was about 3 months to the full day, but I made my excuses by 9pm when the party got off the ground, as it was not the right environment for a little one (no kids & adult feel to it) 😊

I think there is no confusion...the invite had no children on it. No children are invited. However if you really want to go I would try expressing and using both bottles occasionally as well as boob from now, so your little one is able to boob and bottle feed with breast milk. Then you can leave little one with the hubby and parrrttay knowing he will be fed on your milk 👍😉 Mam bottles are a good shape 👍 I think doing that personally after 3 months is the best approach anyway, as it maintains the breastfeeding experience for as long as poss. As you get to have breaks and do things separately; whilst maintaining your breast feeding journey. If you exclusively nipple feed too long your little one will not bottle feed at all likely and although that suits now; you may actually want breaks further down the line. I would say now is probably the perfect time to try this as the breast is properly established.

However if this doesn't interest you at all and you just want to boob feed (plenty do and if your not bothered about having me time it's not an issue); then I would just say your unable to attend 👍

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Your children aren't on the invite so they aren't invited.
Wether you have a 4month old child or not makes no difference to the fact its still a child.

You breastfeed big deal. Exclusively = that's your choice but don't force people to change their plans because you don't want others to bond with child during feeding <<< because that's a thing.

I breastfed my son but I also pumped to allow my partner and other family members to create a bond with him also.

Your comment comes across as very self entitled.

And she can't be that much of an old friend...

My oldest friend would be included in everything as that's what oldest friends do. You don't seem to know much about the wedding which makes me think the person is more of an old acquaintance than oldest friend.

Babies are children.
What on earth possess you to think they aren't.

What a shame I missed those threads....😂

There have been whole threads quibbling over the definition. On one the OP wanted to be told that she could take her 2yo to her a wedding which permitted babes-in-arms only and was not best pleased to be told that she was a CF.