AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

This is getting more and more hilarious. Whenever there is a thread about replying to messages there is a general acceptance that it's ok to wait a bit before replying and that someone demanding a reply is a cheeky fucker.

Unless you are a bride it seems. In which case everything else ie actually more important stuff, has to be dropped to reply to a message that isn't actually urgent.

Of course the bride might not be on here and so hasn't seen the "helpful" suggestions of what she should be replying.

Also she is allowed to discuss, chat to, or even have a rant with, other friends and mention her feelings about a certain situation. After all, the only reason the OP knew she wasn't happy about her request to bring an uninvited guest was because she was talking about the bride to another friend.

What was ungracious about the OP's behaviour?

She explained that her baby is too young to be separated from her and made it perfectly clear that if the no kids rule also applies to babes in arms then that's absolutely fine, she just won't be able to attend.

That's much nicer than just, "Sorry, can't make it."

So focused on how graciously the bride should have behaved, whilst totally dismissing any such behaviour being expected from the guest...
You're a caution, @MargotBamborough

…and we’re clearly back to making shit up.

Yes, she did. Clearly.

Is OP being forced to go to either the hen do or wedding? No. I’m not seeing anything that suggests the bride would take issue with OP declining.

Come on, the bride would be pissed off about that too.

So she had time to whinge about the OP to another friend but not 30 seconds to compose a quick reply to a text?

When the friend in question cares so much about her that she has organised childcare for two older children and is getting her husband and baby to stay in a hotel room where the hen do is being held so she can still attend?

Pull the other one.

Either way, this is a friend I'd be bothering with a bit less in the future.

😂

The gracious response by OP would have been to decline the invitation on the basis of it not suiting her needs, rather than questioning something already made clear.

@Xandria22
Although I don't think you done anything wrong, I think you gave too much information. Just a simple ask if baby could come as you're breastfeeding would have been enough. The bride probably read that as an ultimatum. I would reach out in person and apologise if your message came across as rude and that wasn't your intentions.

She didn’t want to deal with it right then and there, and/or restate something she’s already made clear.

I wouldn’t be bothered about being ‘damn rude’ either in that situation tbh.

The OP said, "Is it OK if I bring my baby because s/he is too young to be separated from me? If not, that's fine, we won't be able to make it though."

The gracious reply would have been, "Sorry to hear that but unfortunately the wedding is completely child and baby free. Never mind!"

Not radio silence and the OP hearing via a third party that the bride has been bitching about her.

It's especially unpleasant given how much time and effort and expense the OP is going to for the hen do.

This thread is HILARIOUS and completely mumsnet 🤣🤣🤣

why is this such a big deal?

Perhaps the bride forgot the baby was breastfeeding? Makes sense the guest asks! Where I’ve been breastfeeding babies are an exception. Maybe this is the same, maybe it isn’t.
If the bride is this pathetic the I’d very happily stay home!

People are so miserable. Have fun with whatever you decide op 😊

Who said she isn’t gracious about people declining? People HAVEN’T declined, they’ve instead asked her to change something to suit them. THAT is what she was annoyed about, not them declining.

You’re trying to make this situation fit the initial long ass post you made about something that hasn’t in fact happened.

I'm not making stuff up.

I'm speculating about why the bride, who has chosen to have the kind of wedding that some of her guests won't be able to attend, might be so rude as to ignore the OP's message and then slag her off to someone else.

All that means is that you didn't have any guests who, like the OP, were unable to leave their young babies for that length of time.

Again, there's nothing wrong with a child free wedding. But you need to be gracious if people can't make it.

So she was just being damn rude to ignore the OP's message then?

"Even regardless of kids, if I received an evening invite for a wedding that wasn't local to me I honestly could not be arsed."

💯 this!!

I agree with you. I don’t get all the fuss about babies crying. They’re only tinies. It’s not like the noise we adults make when we kick off.

We had a 100% no babies and children wedding - no one declined. Most people (apart from some on Mn) respect the wishes of the bride and groom.

The notion that a party (held in the evening; complete with booze, music, all the other elements of a decent party) would be miserable and soulless without babies present is actually quite funny 😂
What are some people on??

why are you making things up?
Because, like a number of posters on here, this one desperately wants the poor bride and groom in this situation to have no one turn up to their wedding because they have made a perfectly reasonable request, that part of their wedding is childfree.

See also comments about how long it will last and how miserable and soulless said wedding will be. All because the couple hosting it, getting married, probably paying for it, would like to have an evening reception that is just for adults.

@MargotBamborough

why are you making things up?

lol, you are imagining whatever shit best suits your narrative.

OP could have just declined the invite and stated her reasoning, which would have left it in the bride’s court without requiring her to restate something she’d already made clear.

Two people taking issue with an aspect of your wedding is annoying, especially when you’ve got both doing it at the same time. We also don’t know what she was trying to get on with doing at the same time as fielding these complaints. There really doesn’t need to be a bigger iceberg, however fun that may be to imagine.

Look a bride and groom are entitled to have a child free wedding if that’s why they want. It’s their special day so it’s up to them, no one else.

it really is that simple.

The OP didn't try to get her to change her wedding plans. She asked if her baby could come and said it was fine if not, it would just mean that they would need to decline.

That's a perfectly reasonable message, definitely better than just saying, "no, we're not coming", and there was no reason for the bride to not reply or to badmouth her to someone else.

Her reaction (as well as what the OP has told us about the wedding plans, which sound like an absolute ball ache for a lot of people) suggests that this is just the tip of the iceberg.