AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

Who was only invited to the evening part of the wedding, so the bride was clearly mindful of the fact that leaving the baby for a whole day might be awkward?
Either that or she's not a particularly close friend, despite the length of the friendship.

Yeh, my oldest friend didn't attend my wedding either (due to childcare issues and it was an adult only wedding). Absolutely fine. Also, although she was my oldest friend, that didn't mean she was close to me any more - hadn't seen her years anyway!

As a breastfeeding mother, I fully concur with this bride's actions. She took you aside and had a chat face to face. Gave you a childminding option should you wish to go. You (quite rightly for you and the needs of your child) declined. She wanted the wedding she wanted, and would not be influenced by her partner's choice of best man into having children present. Fair play.

I fully agree (and have exclusively breastfed two children). Why on earth haven't you spoken since - how odd! My wedding was child free too, and I didn't take my kids to any weddings when they were babies. Bizarre to lose a friendship over it!

YANBU

As a breastfeeding mother, I fully concur with this bride's actions. She took you aside and had a chat face to face. Gave you a childminding option should you wish to go. You (quite rightly for you and the needs of your child) declined. She wanted the wedding she wanted, and would not be influenced by her partner's choice of best man into having children present. Fair play.

This is her oldest friend
**

Who was only invited to the evening part of the wedding, so the bride was clearly mindful of the fact that leaving the baby for a whole day might be awkward?

Either that or she's not a particularly close friend, despite the length of the friendship.

ROFL at these posts. Any other thread where a mum is asking this, the answer is always it's fine to ask but expect a no.

So OP did just that.

Bride can be upset and stressed about it if she likes, she doesn't need to be though, she can just say no I'd rather you didn't bring your baby, or yes bring the baby. This is her oldest friend.

I think your response was good. Some people count babies as kids, others don't because they aren't running around etc..

I don't think she should be annoyed at you. The only other thing you could do was decline but then she might still be annoyed at that.

For me the needs of an exclusively bf baby come first, closest friend or not. It sounds like you are going the extra mile to be at the hen do having DH be nearby ready to call you when you need to feed baby and no I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask to have your baby at the wedding evening if you don’t have anyone nearby that can help. Get why ppl have child free weddings as it adds to cost to seat and feed them and prevents the adults from really letting their hair down but anyone that denies a bf baby is an arsehole in my opinion.

Just read the update, im glad the bride has felt okay to say no. What a pity she is having multiple people get in touch about bringing children. I think a wedding isnt really a place for a baby or small child, you wouldnt normally take a baby on a night out party and if you were going for cocktails with girl friends it would change the mood if someone insisted they brought along a baby. It is a shame you will miss out op but you have made the choice you wont express and bride has made her choice of no babies. Hopefully you can do something nice to celebrate another time, as you say.

I just don’t get some of the replies on this thread. Firstly, babies are children; EBF babies are not some mystical exception. Think, if someone asks if you have children you don’t say “two children and one baby” you say “three kids” therefore baby not included in invitation if kids excluded. It is extremely rude to rock up at an event (paid for by someone else) with additional attendees of any age not included on invite - most wedding venues work to a headcount and this really could add unanticipated cost; never mind not wanting eight year olds doing knee slides across the dance floor and wailing infants all over the shop. Also, is an evening reception somewhere you want to take a small baby? Surely far to noisy and stressful for them? If the OP can’t express milk and leave baby for a few hours then she should have just refused, saying sorry, can’t leave baby due to BF. This would leave door open for friend to tell her to bring baby. Asking to bring baby when kids already excluded puts bride/groom in position of refusing old friend and being the baddie. Just contact her and say you understand it’s no children at all and arrange a meet up more suitable after the wedding.

Either choice is fine, no? What she asked isn’t the worst text that a bride could receive from a friend. Surely you think the best motives from your friends rather than thinking that their whole goal in life is to eff up your plans or make your life difficult? She really wanted to attend the wedding and so was double checking if friend would allow a young baby. If you don’t ask you don’t get.

I have spent my whole life trying to be assertive - to ask for what I want and accept other people’s response. I have always found that hard and respect the op’s polite directness.

Well done for contacting bride again

Glad it wasn't your message as such that tipped her over the edge

We have been to a wedding with dd 6/7mths daytime but all children gone by 7pm. This was made clear

We got someone to pick up dd from venue and take home /bed /babysit

Have A nice time at the hen do

"Because the bride has been clear about the wedding party being childfree. Op already knew the answer to the question she asked."

Apologies I should have quoted the first sentence.

I wasn't aware that the bride had been clear about the wedding party being childfree when the OP asked her if her baby could come too.

Practices/etiquette clearly vary, or perhaps I am just clueless.
When I posted much earlier in the thread that I thought invitations to a woman included any babe in arms, I wasn't being goady. That was my genuine belief. It might be no-one shares my belief and/or I am long out of date, but I am still genuinely surprised that so many people wouldn't accommodate a young baby who has to be with their mothers.
Why invite a friend, if you know she can't come.

Ah, so that's why so many seniors in our population have a dusty old magnifying glass nestling in their sideboards. It's obviously a relic from many wedding invites spanning decades, that all needed to scrutinised for clues about the invitees!

Apparently not. It doesn't sound like her oldest friend is massively bothered about her attending tbh.

Haven't read the full thread but surely your oldest friend would invite you the whole wedding?

Of course she must have known. The fact the invite was addressed to A & B and not A, B plus C, D & E would have been a big, fat clue!

If she can read, she knew.

No, you're not missing the point at all.
Some people are absolutely adamant that an invitation can be addressed to a person / people, and somehow secretly include all manner of other people as well - so all invitations have to be forensically examined and clarified.

A baby isn't the same as kids. Kids run round and are a nuisance and get in the way and cry and have tantrums. They can be SO annoying at a wedding, especially in the evening, so it's quite normal to say no kids at the evening bit.

A baby however isn't really any bother. They spend the entire evening in a sling, sleeping or eating, and if they cry or start to fuss then they can easily be removed in a few seconds. I don't really see why brides make such a big fuss about babies!

Not going would be the easiest option here so I think you've gone with the sensible option.

Apologies in advance if it is my mistake, but I don't think the OP did know the answer to the question when she asked it.

I know there's hundreds of replies on here, but can someone tell me if I'm missing the point completely?

Surely if you've received an invite to a wedding that doesn't include your children, and attending would be difficult because of the needs of your baby, then why wouldn't you just graciously decline and state that as the (very valid) reason? Messaging the bride to basically say 'if you can't make an exception for me, I can't come" would massively piss me off, to be honest.

Yes. Because the bride has been clear about the wedding party being childfree. Op already knew the answer to the question she asked.

Instead of asking the bride to repeat herself, she could have declined and stated why, leaving the ball in the bride’s court to say ‘actually, you can bring your baby’ if she chose to.

Just seen your update OP - well done! I think you’ve handled this well.

What, without checking if her good friend would mind? I get that the bride is probably stressed out but the op’s request was totally fine imo. Most of us would think nothing of it.