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To consider ending a friendship over differing political beliefs?

114 replies

HelloBridesmaidLiketheBeard · 12/10/2023 10:01

If a friend suddenly voiced political beliefs that you strongly disagree with, do you think the friendship can survive?

I have friends with varying beliefs, some like mine, some not, but if someone has a HUGELY different opinion and is vehement in it, do you think it's possible to maintain that friendship?

I'm feeling very conflicted after a rather eye-opening conversation the other day with a friend, and I can't get her words out of my mind.

OP posts:
Sugarfish · 12/10/2023 12:06

Depends really, if it’s just they vote Tory then no. I have friends who voted for brexit who I didn’t drop. If it was someone who joined a Nazi group for example, then I wouldn’t want to be friends with them.

I have a couple of ultra woke friends who do my head in sometimes with the virtue signalling and worthiness but ultimately they’ve been good friends to me over the years.

We don’t have to all agree on everything

MrsAlgernon · 12/10/2023 12:06

*and I had someone who was pretty homophobic (East european), kept sending me moral panic news stories, anti-vax, read too much conspiracy theories and had a habit of wanting to challenge "my status quo mainstream beliefs" like hot head.

That made me go off her and want to keep distance on whatsapp.

So, idk...epends on how annoying they are about it.

Ostryga · 12/10/2023 12:06

Loads of my friends have differing political views, it’s not why I’m friends with them.

Now if they started turning into conspiracy nuts then yes, I would have to reevaluate the friendship, because it’s incredibly tiring being around people like that.

x2boys · 12/10/2023 12:03

It depends if their
Beliefs are extreme and inflammatory then I could understand b you not wishing to.pursue the friendship
But if ,its just she votes for a different mainstream party than you
I would think you were quite arrogant in believing your political beliefs are more important than hers

MrsAlgernon · 12/10/2023 12:01

Depends on "friends" or "close friend".

"Close friend" - I can understand how it can feel more disappointing, even if it doesn't challenge the safe space of sharing mind, but as long as the friend comes across as open minded and willing to listen and probabably has tendency to be flippant, no need to drop like hot potato right away.

Vilepoliticians · 12/10/2023 11:59

I’d struggle to be close friends with someone who had views that I thought were borne of ignorance.

Caterpillarsleftfoot · 12/10/2023 11:55

It depends on how they live their lives and how it affects their personality and my enjoyment of them. I don't really mind people having different views to me and some friends do. However very socialist people are unlikely to match my personality and lifestyle. It's not their views that bother me at all, we just might not have the same way of life that lends itself to time together

molotovcupcakes · 12/10/2023 11:54

No I wouldn't end a friendship because a friend had different beliefs to me, I think you need to have your beliefs challenged now and then.

Quitelikeit · 12/10/2023 11:49

Why on earth do all your friends have to agree with you?

FGS I’d drop you faster than a hot rock!

MrsGalloway · 12/10/2023 11:48

In principle no, I wouldn’t end a friendship because it’s not healthy to live in an echo chamber, people come to their views in a variety of ways often based on their own particular experiences and people also change over time. A bit of healthy debate is good. I do have good friends with wildly different opinions to me (religion, abortion politics etc), some I’d discuss these things with and some I’d steer clear.

On the other hand it can be hard with close friends when you find out you’re got wildly different opinions on something. Recent example for me was a good friend who teaches in an all girls school telling me how proud she was that all their toilets were now marked as gender neutral. They hadn’t previously been marked as anything other than “toilet” so it’s not even a case of being inclusive to the girls who don’t identify as girls (and even then their refusal to identify as a girl doesn’t seem to have put them off attending a very highly regarded girls school so I’d query how necessary it was to change toilet signage in any case)

I knew I didn’t agree with her on the trans debate but I was taken aback that she couldn’t see the pointlessness of the toilet signs and I found myself just feeling incredibly irritated by her. We won’t stop being friends but I have had to say let’s agree to disagree on all of that because otherwise I think we might fall out.

LakeTiticaca · 12/10/2023 11:41

It depends upon whether the Friend is trying to impose their views on others, whether their political beliefs dominate every conversation to the point where nobody else can speak etc etc.
I have a friend who I've known since I was about 3. Haven't seen her for years but she is a Facebook friend. I have her on unfollow because I got a bit tired of her constant stream of shrieky far left beliefs in which if anyone has the temerity to challenge her, are informed they must be a Nazi/bigot/gammon etc.
Her FB profile picture is a Palestinian flag at the moment, predictably

Dotjones · 12/10/2023 11:40

It depends on what they're saying, why they think it and whether they can discuss it in a calm rational manner.

For example, two people might both believe we should end all immigration. One might just hate foreigners, one might look at it from an economic point of view and see it as a drain on resources. Both or neither might be able to justify their point of view with evidence, be able to persuade you they are right, or you be able to persuade them they're not.

If you end a friendship over something like this it wasn't a very solid friendship in the first place. Friends should be able to discuss and (politely) argue about politics.

MollyMarples · 12/10/2023 11:34

There’s no correct answer here. You have every right to choose who you hang around with and for any reason.

As it happens, my husband and his best mate have completely opposite political views, but they are very close, and share lots of other passions and interests. They just don't talk about politics!

nutsnutspistachionuts · 12/10/2023 11:18

I think I only have two "out" Tory friends who are both a bit "wheee, who cares, I don't give a toss, I just want to pay less tax" but statistically there must be more of them than that, I know a lot of people!

nutsnutspistachionuts · 12/10/2023 11:15

Depends what they are. It is the done thing on here to say "you should like people for who they are not what they think," but personally if someone was a full on Laurence Fox type then that would be "who they are" and I wouldn't like it much. I don't agree with my friends on everything but generally we share fundamental values.

EasternStandard · 12/10/2023 11:13

Although I can’t say any have very extreme views, so within bounds of a broad political spectrum

EasternStandard · 12/10/2023 11:12

Yes it’s important to me to hear different views

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/10/2023 11:11

I have friends with similar political views and friends with opposing political views. I don’t discuss politics with either group. I think that one or two would be surprised how different our views are and if we were to discuss them, I’d probably say something that could put an end to the friendship. So I keep quiet.

Whalestoe · 12/10/2023 10:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 10:43

I think it's fine for people to disagree, but if it comes down to a fundamental difference in core values, then I think it's probably difficult for the friendship to survive, at least as a close friendship. Maybe a casual friendship could continue.

Values are important because they are at the core of who you are as a person. I couldn't be friends with someone with someone whose values I found abhorrent.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 10:40

Would depend on the particular views. I have differences with friends but most aren’t fundamental.

WandaWonder · 12/10/2023 10:39

Sure it's you right of course but this xfactor type press a buzzer and cancel people because they are not the same as you I think is odd

Glorifried · 12/10/2023 10:37

Some subjects are better avoided if it's otherwise a good friendship.

Nutellaonall · 12/10/2023 10:37

Uhm no that is what makes life interesting. We are allowed to have cheerful debate. I have friends from all walks of life with varying political opinions. Do you really want to live in an echochamber?

Londonscallingme · 12/10/2023 10:35

I think it depends a lot on how fringe their beliefs are and also how political you like your friendships to be. In general I would like to think I could be friends with someone who had come to a different political decision to me, assuming it was well thought out and not hateful. I would struggle to be friends with someone who I thought was ignorant or had jumped on a hateful bandwagon without bothering to understand the facts of the matter.