To think life would be better without Christmas

I enjoyed Christmas when I was little and when I had young children. However the last few years have really changed how I feel about it.

2020 - my daughter had covid so we all had to isolate away from the rest of the family.

2021 - my dad was in so much pain that he could barely get out of bed let alone travel to the rest of the family. My brother was with him trying to help. In Jan he was diagnosed with myeloma (cancer).

2022 - my dad had made good progress with his cancer treatment but ended up in hospital with a chest infection on Xmas eve. On 28th Dec my um ended up in hospital with infection on top of her copd. She died 3rd Jan.

This year my younger children have asked to spend Xmas at their dad's. And I don't blame them after last three years. But it leaves Xmas looking very lonely and bleak for me :(

Hopefully it will get better in the next few years, especially if my children start families. Until then Xmas is pretty much going to mean nothing except sadness.

Its a CHRISTIAN religious festival. Try going to church instead? Wouldn't be saying this about Muslim festivals or shiekism festivals etc ie Ramadan Eid Al-Fitr and Eid Al-Adha and Diwali

Ah I do get you OP. I actually enjoy Christmas BUT it is quite stressful as I do everything. My DP are elderly so I do all their gift shopping on their behalf, and want to make things special for DD 9 and 11. I do get caught in a trap of buying endless stocking presents, making advent calendars, baking, Elf on the Shelf .. but the kids love it and I know it won't be magical for many more years.

DH hates Xmas as he sees it as so commercial and everything about the presents, and works with a lot of deprived families who feel under pressure spend money they don't have. He does not want to receive any presents. He is fine to do festive things like get a tree, see the lights etc.

I think you just have to keep it simple and tell people early if you don't want to exchange presents etc. I plan to cut back presents this year - and cards as well, as stamps are so expensive now.

Christmas is the only decent thing in 6 months of dreariness.

I used to hate Xmas and dread it. For me it was having to visit family which was very stressful. I've moved away now and the last couple of Xmas's have been lovely. My advice would be do the bits you enjoy and feck the the rest. I get that Santa can be stressful as always wanted the "wow" when they opened the presents. I'd say start with Santa NOW. While the shops are quiet. A lot of places do pay by installment now so you can spread the cost. When you do your weekly shop throw in some extras. And feck the family. If you enjoy seeing them that's grand but if it's adding pressure honestly life's too short .OP I'd make a list of the things that are stressing you and cut them out.

@MyDogsPaws

I was beginning to think I was the only one! I hate it because of the "great Christmas closedown". No trains, no buses and should Christmas Day fall on a weekend then we have an extra day off. Britain is basically closed from 24th December to 6th January. If forced to take time off I'd rather have extra in the summer.

When working I would volunteer to attend on the Christmas day and Boxing Day [good chance to catch up on paperwork] later I used to arrange holidays. Germany in particular as there is little difference there. Trains run as normal and restaurants are open at their normal prices.

I only buy for my 2 children plus a token gift for their Dad and Grandparents (usually slippers).
I bought my Christmas party dress from a charity shop for £7. Brand new with tags.
I love Christmas, being with family, the lights, the joy, the cheesy films.
I just don't buy into the commercialism of buying gifts for everyone.
Each to their own, but this works for me 😁

Yabu.

I'm a single mum with a teen ds. There is no chance he will get a new iPhone. He understands what we can afford.

I spend time doing nice stuff that costs little - eg. Decorating his bedroom while he is asleep so he wakes up in Xmas. Home made cake, lots of lovely food. Cycling and seeing friends together. Films and music.

It doesn't need to be expensive to be fun.

Joey to chandler 😊

I love it. I’ve had some unbelievably horrendous times in my life and Christmas is a truly wonderful special time with my family that I treasure deeply.

I appreciate this is easier for me to do as I don't have kids, but I don't celebrate it every year. Some years I don't bother which makes the years that I do feel more enjoyable. Last year DP and I rented an airbnb in the highlands and had a tree, presents and christmas food which we've never really done before and it was lovely. But we'll probably wind up not doing anything this year because of that and do something again in future years.

This has got to be the most unreasonable AIBU ever.
I absolutely love Christmas, it's my favourite time of year.
Santa, pantos, snow, mince pies, Christmas trees, lights......
You're so far over the line the line is a dot to you. 😁

The main thing that stresses me out at Christmas is other people in the build up to it - relatives asking me what they should get for my kids.

Think of your own ideas or give money ffs! It’s not my job to think of presents for other people to buy!

You do realise that lots of people do actually enjoy things like parties and decorations? Same with school events for the kids.

I understand the argument about excessive spending leading to it being more stressful for people to come up with, but that seems to be widening up into a general viewpoint that no elements of celebrating are actually enjoyable.

OP, I’m with you. Here are my tips:

Dial it back as much as you possibly can and reset kids’ expectations.

Don’t add extra things each year.

Don’t think about it until December 1st.

Put some money aside each month by standing order so you have a nice pot come December. This takes the sting away financially as the money’s already gone. I put £30 a month aside.

Buy everything online.

I totally agree with your last sentence. People calling someone who doesn't enjoy Christmas a grinch or a scrooge are really annoying. It can be a complex time of year that brings to a head a lot of the problems and issues that people can live with the rest of the year.
It's also not helped by the overly sentimental portrayal of Christmas in advertisements etc. Not everyone is part of a big loving family, all sitting down to a perfect meal, with beautifully wrapped presents under a magnificently decorated tree. I know all ads are aspirational, but this image is shoved at us in so many ways. It doesn't reflect the reality for most people, but most people feel the pressure to live up to this and become stressed every year about Christmas.

This sounds like my nightmare.

I wouldn’t mind Christmas so much if the shops didn’t have Christmas stuff in shops before September and then have to hear about Christmas for the rest of the year. Growing up, Christmas wasn’t planned out til early November. The fake niceness only adds to it for me.

YABU. Just dial it back, say no to parties or just wear what you have, don't do all the expensive stuff or wasteful gifts.

I absolutely dread Christmas (got into an abusive relationship right before Christmas during lockdown) and find it really triggering. I also get bad SAD that peaks then.

I'm not putting up a tree etc and will avoid any shops that play Christmas music. Also avoiding social things.

The worst part is people call you a Scrooge if you opt out without realising people can have good reason to hate it.

I think YABU personally, and don't at all believe life would be better without Christmas. We didn't have it as kids, abusive parents, who would spend the week drinking and have us run about after them. Never had a tree, 'presents' came in the form of school shoes or socks or a coat. My granny did a roast and we went over for that and she would have nuts and sweets and other special extra bits but we weren't allowed to touch these thanks to my stepdads 'rules'. I look back now and can see it broke her heart.

Now, I make Christmas for my kids (7 and 3) the one I longed for as a child, on the first weekend in December we make gingerbread men and put up the tree. The 2nd weekend we go to the local pub to see Santa (£5 per child, they give him their list and get a selection box and have a disco) our school do one performance at the local church with a foodbank donation request around the 2nd week which I get to leave early from work for but we've already had the dates given for that so it's booked in as annual leave already.
The eldest knows that Santa only picks 1 or 2 things from your list and brings your surprise stocking, the remainder is left for family to choose from, electronics aren't on there as he knows they're not Santa type presents.
No new outfits for parties unless absolutely needed (tbf, no real parties other than my work one which is just in a pub nearby)

Our Actual Xmas eve/day is very chill, Xmas eve we have sausage buns and go out to the park. Home then walk to the local pub at 3ish for a few drinks with neighbours/friends, walk the 10 min walk home around 6ish in the dark looking at the lights. Kids are then bathed, put out their stockings and carrot for Rudolph and in bed by 8 , no Xmas eve boxes or extra stuff here.
DH and I stay up and share a bottle of wine/watch a film, get the dining table ready for breakfast.
next morning wake up, open one present from Santa then have pancakes.
open the other Santa present then get dressed and sorted.
MIL pops over with her gifts and then either stays with us for lunch or goes to one of DH siblings nearby (we all live within a 15 min drive of each other)
I have no contact with any of my own family anymore due to the historical abuses (granny no longer with us and she was the only one who mattered)

Bil and family live nearby and they come to ours on the evening when walking the dog. stay for a few drinks and our house is empty again by 8pm ready for us to wind down. It is absolutely exactly what we have made it ourselves.

Boxing day DH takes oldest to the football with BIL while youngest and I go for a walk with family then to any one of our houses for dinner before evening drinks and again home by 8ish.

so yes, you can do a magical Christmas without the expectations - my best ever step was coming off social media and focussing on the kids.

I'm sorry to hear that. But many people on this thread have outlined the difficulties they experience at Christmas time, so it really isn't true that Christmas is as hard or easy as you make it. Obviously, in relation to material issues, you can try and avoid some of the crasser parts of Christmas if it's not your thing. But other areas are more difficult to avoid. That is the point I was trying to make.

Fuck yes. Can’t stand it. The fuckers at work have been talking about it since about July. 😡

I agree, we now go to the Canaries for Christmas. Takes all the stress out of it and weather is nice. I had tapas for Christmas dinner last year cooked in a restaurant and it didn’t cost a fortune like Christmas dinner does here. It’s our main family holiday with kids and parents, so I look forward to it but in a different way to being at home.

If you haven’t tried it, do it. We don’t stay in hotels, usually Airbnb it and get own flights etc. Also means I can’t take loads of presents, what a shame 🤣