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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think life would be better without Christmas

267 replies

MyDogsPaws · 11/10/2023 22:22

I really hate Christmas, I know I’m probably in the minority but it’s October and I’m already worried and stressed about it and I suspect I’m not alone!

If it was just a case of putting a tree and a few lights up and having your family round for dinner in the 25th I would absolutely love it, I’d start thinking about it in December and look forward to having a nice day with my family. Unfortunately it’s not like this, there is fucking Santa and all that entails, school Xmas shows and needing to get time off work for it all, the cost of everything and being skint for the entire winter because i have to spend every penny I earn on presents or visiting Santas ducking grotto, or buying outfits for Xmas parties, and all the rest of it.

Yes I could just tell my kids there’s no such thing as Santa and all they’re getting is an orange and a book this year but that’s not going to stop them feeling left out when everyone else in primary school got a iphone 15 or whatever.

I really believe that Xmas makes life less enjoyable, not more and I’d quite happy ban it it, tinsel and all, for the rest of eternity, AIBU?

OP posts:
SequentialAnalyst · 14/10/2023 11:44

I am an atheist, but I can't tell you how proud I was that DD played Mary in her Nativity Play. (She is slight, with glossy dark hair.) So proud that, embarrassingly, I couldn't help sobbing through the performance Blush I have a video taken by another parent, and DS was one of the 3 Kings - and looked hilariously awkward (he is older than DD).

I love the Christmas story, however, I am also a scientist. The mid-Winter festival marks the Solstice, when the days are shortest and the nights are longest. Can you imagine long ago how scary it might be, wondering if this is the year when the days just keep on getting shorter and shorter, instead of getting longer again? Christmas in Britain is celebrated 3 days after the Solstice, which I reckon, if the weather is good around then, is just enough time for the older, wiser people to notice that, thank god, this year the days have started getting longer again, and Spring and Summer will come again☀

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2023 11:33

Sorry mate, love Christmas, always will. YABU

Rustiered · 14/10/2023 11:31

VestaTilley · 12/10/2023 23:23

YABU. It’s a religious festival so we’d rather it wasn’t abolished, thanks.

It really doesn’t need to be expensive. One local trip to see Father Christmas and one big present and a couple of small things or a stocking for each child, and that’s fine. And a big present doesn’t need to be an iPhone 🙄

We earn well but cost of living and increased mortgage means a quieter Christmas here this year, and that’s fine. Most of DS’s presents are second hand Thomas Brio trains from eBay. Not pricey and he’ll be thrilled. Food for thought.

Don't you think it's a bit more than a religious festival? Have a look at everything that goes on - all the traditions in place have little to do with the religious side of things. YOu seem quite touchy - no one is suggesting they wish to stop you or anyone else celebrating a religious festival, but Christmas just goes so far beyond that. In fact I'd be so happy if it was like Easter - I happily ignore everything to do with Easter, there is comparatively little pressure to take part and enjoy a few days off work.

threecupsofteaminimum · 13/10/2023 09:59

It's easy. I just don't do any of it. I buy DS a few presents and we go out for xmas dinner. Aside from his school performance I'd say that's it.

CasperGutman · 13/10/2023 09:51

I flipping love Christmas, but most of the things I love are covered by "putting a tree and a few lights up and having your family round for dinner on the 25th". I voted YANBU, on the basis that your actually meant "AIBU to think life would be better without [all the excessive materialistic bolt-ons people feel they need to add to] Christmas?"

Dulra · 13/10/2023 09:48

My feelings about Christmas are love/hate.

Hate: I find the preparations and lead up to Christmas stressful and extremely busy with both work and Christmas prep. I also find as my kids get older (girls 16, 13, 11) their expectations have grown with them and I feel a bit of the pressure. I have been planting seeds already about affordability and I think they are getting it. My youngest is still very much a Santa believer so that brings a lot of the magic (and stress) into it.

Love: I love my city at Christmas (Dublin), love the lights, the atmosphere, the pubs, friends and family from overseas coming home, there is such a great vibe about the place. I love Christmas day which I tend to always host, having family around eating, drinking, chilling, I love St Stephens Day (boxing day) staying in your pjs watching films going for walks. I love the downtime after Christmas when we are all off work/ school spending time together as a family when all the manic is over. We often go away somewhere for a couple of days to the West coast of Ireland or somewhere and I love it. Recharge to get ready for the New Year. In Ireland the schools don't break up until a couple of days before Christmas which I think helps because they are at school while you can get things done as far as I am aware they tend to break up earlier in the UK which would be hard. We all tend to go back to school/ work about the 5th or 6th of Jan so loads of time to recoup after the big day

Augustus40 · 13/10/2023 09:34

The food is nice. That is it. Plus time off work.

DangerousAlchemy · 13/10/2023 09:33

VestaTilley · 12/10/2023 23:23

YABU. It’s a religious festival so we’d rather it wasn’t abolished, thanks.

It really doesn’t need to be expensive. One local trip to see Father Christmas and one big present and a couple of small things or a stocking for each child, and that’s fine. And a big present doesn’t need to be an iPhone 🙄

We earn well but cost of living and increased mortgage means a quieter Christmas here this year, and that’s fine. Most of DS’s presents are second hand Thomas Brio trains from eBay. Not pricey and he’ll be thrilled. Food for thought.

Fabulous @VestaTilley - I'll buy that for my 16 yr old DS shall I? 🤣🤣 Christmas is very easy when kids are small and much more expensive when kids are older teenagers.

PEARLJAM123 · 13/10/2023 08:30

You are an adult so can decide what traditions to participate in. It's a religious festival so maybe look closer at the meaning of Christmas?

TwistofFate · 13/10/2023 07:33

You don't have to throw money at Christmas to make it special, for me it's about spending time with family and friends, and doing things together. We do lots of baking and crafts, boardgames, Christmas story books and films, never taken kids to Santa's grotto because my oldest is terrified of people in costumes but we go ice-skating and to see the lights in the city centre.

Ljg89 · 13/10/2023 07:22

I spread the cost over the whole year. Either save up and then spend all in December or buy things throughout the year. Doesn’t have to be all at once 🥰
But you are entitled to feel how you feel, just ignore it all if it’s not your thing. Stop spending all that energy being mad about it!

Namddf · 13/10/2023 07:00

SequentialAnalyst · 12/10/2023 23:35

@Mermaidinmymind
I am so sorry, I know what it is like to struggle to conceive. I was one of the lucky ones who finally managed to do so twice, naturally, but only after 3 of the most wretched years of TTC and investigations, and this was before IVF or anything (not that we could have afforded it).

The first Christmas after my divorce, on my own, aged 60, was sheer bliss. Had a lie-in, a roast beef dinner cooked by me, shared some beef with DCat, and watched a lot of telly, including, most importantly, Dr Who Tardis. DS paid a brief visit a couple of days later, and although I didn't know it, an old friend was about to turn out to be The Love of My Life.

There are always lots of MN threads on here at Christmas to read, where exasperated women share the tribulations of their Christmases in real time. There is always someone on MN if you want a moan, or some support BrewBrew

PS You are allowed to have your own special Christmassy day with your DCat on Boxing Day, or any day up till New Year's Eve Wink.

Edited
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I love this so much ❤️

SequentialAnalyst · 12/10/2023 23:35

Mermaidinmymind · 12/10/2023 23:23

I agree with you - it's depressing. I spend the entire day reminded of my own struggles to conceive, fake smiling my way through when my heart just cracks even more. Would rather spend the day with my cat, but, obligations. .

@Mermaidinmymind
I am so sorry, I know what it is like to struggle to conceive. I was one of the lucky ones who finally managed to do so twice, naturally, but only after 3 of the most wretched years of TTC and investigations, and this was before IVF or anything (not that we could have afforded it).

The first Christmas after my divorce, on my own, aged 60, was sheer bliss. Had a lie-in, a roast beef dinner cooked by me, shared some beef with DCat, and watched a lot of telly, including, most importantly, Dr Who Tardis. DS paid a brief visit a couple of days later, and although I didn't know it, an old friend was about to turn out to be The Love of My Life.

There are always lots of MN threads on here at Christmas to read, where exasperated women share the tribulations of their Christmases in real time. There is always someone on MN if you want a moan, or some support BrewBrew

PS You are allowed to have your own special Christmassy day with your DCat on Boxing Day, or any day up till New Year's Eve Wink.

VestaTilley · 12/10/2023 23:23

YABU. It’s a religious festival so we’d rather it wasn’t abolished, thanks.

It really doesn’t need to be expensive. One local trip to see Father Christmas and one big present and a couple of small things or a stocking for each child, and that’s fine. And a big present doesn’t need to be an iPhone 🙄

We earn well but cost of living and increased mortgage means a quieter Christmas here this year, and that’s fine. Most of DS’s presents are second hand Thomas Brio trains from eBay. Not pricey and he’ll be thrilled. Food for thought.

Mermaidinmymind · 12/10/2023 23:23

I agree with you - it's depressing. I spend the entire day reminded of my own struggles to conceive, fake smiling my way through when my heart just cracks even more. Would rather spend the day with my cat, but, obligations. .

Samlewis96 · 12/10/2023 22:55

Mojodojocasahaus · 12/10/2023 04:50

YANBU the older I get the more I wish I could opt out and jet off somewhere sunny instead.

Christmas is like another part time job for me for 3 months

I just do this. Except for 2020 when flights were cancelled last monute

OhsoNat · 12/10/2023 22:43

I love Christmas time and so do my kids and I do a lot of Christmassy stuff with them in the build up but I do totally get it! It’s a lot of pressure and sometimes i run around arranging so many Christmas activities for them as I feel bad if I don’t . Silly really , It was much simpler 13 years ago when I had my first, I feel in the last few years it’s got very commercial so I get where you’re coming from x

girlfriend44 · 12/10/2023 22:17

They have their special days too though.

If you believe in the fact that somebody called Jesus was born.on Dec 25th why do you need presents on his birthday? you have got your own day to have presents.

TheKeatingFive · 12/10/2023 21:51

You need to assert your boundaries. Don't pay for the xtra bits that you aren't getting anything out of. So many people don't bother with grottos or special outfits for parties. It wouldn't occur to me to get my children special Christmas party clothes.

There are non negotiables, I get that - presents for the kids and nice food and drink on the day. But the rest is a choice you make. Just stop it.

dottypotter · 12/10/2023 20:50

Load of religious twoddle.Big fairytale.

Just because it's Xmas why have people got to have presents bought them?

Nobody needs a present or presents just because it's December 25th.

Half of them are unwanted and go back after Christmas anyway or are put on Ebay. So much anxiety around it.

Just don't bother.

aSofaNearYou · 12/10/2023 20:47

girlfriend44 · 12/10/2023 20:43

Yes. Just celebrate Birthdays instead.

It's all over the top, stressful expensive and unnecessary.

People are brainwashed from birth about buying presents etc. Hope it dies out one day.
I too was brainwashed but in recent years have not really celebrated.

You have a birthday, that's your special day for celebrating much better.

I much prefer Christmas to birthdays, what's nice is that everybody's celebrating, not just a few people celebrating me.

Christmas has it's flaws but there is something to be said about a communal winter festival.

girlfriend44 · 12/10/2023 20:43

Yes. Just celebrate Birthdays instead.

It's all over the top, stressful expensive and unnecessary.

People are brainwashed from birth about buying presents etc. Hope it dies out one day.
I too was brainwashed but in recent years have not really celebrated.

You have a birthday, that's your special day for celebrating much better.

Prinnny · 12/10/2023 20:10

userxx · 11/10/2023 23:14

The Christmas thread is further along. Off you pop.

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Wow so original 🙄

SequentialAnalyst · 12/10/2023 20:05

In the past Christmas has been one of the triggers for a flare-up of my MH condition. I love it, but all the organisation (except for the food, which I enjoy doing) is more than I could handle, along with a job, family, and household. Add a certain hint of perfectionism on my part, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Some Christmases I have enjoyed prepping for and hosting. Other years, I have been too Christmas-phobic even to open the cards I received in the post, let alone send any.

Prinnny · 12/10/2023 20:00

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 11/10/2023 23:08

Read the room.

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Why? Because some people struggle others can’t enjoy Christmas? Get a life!