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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I keep my friend if I hate her kids?

61 replies

LiveDieRepeat · 07/10/2023 21:59

Met a new friend at a hobby/activity a few months ago. We get on really well and have similar interests, humour and are both single and at a similar stage in our lives. We have kids and they’re similar ages so we get each others family commitment level. I’ve met up with her today and we both brought our kids. It’s the second time we’ve met and I absolutely hate her children. They’re precocious and demanding and rude. They constantly interrupted us talking to demand things, they’re definitely old enough to know better. Her children kept taking things from mine- I brought activities for them to do at lunchtime and hers kept taking the pens mine were using literally out their hands. At one point her child disagreed with me and told me I was wrong (I wasn’t), but then kept saying that I should shut up because I was wrong about everything. It was so annoying!
she has already texted this evening saying how lovely today was and how her children can’t wait to meet up again, but I’m dreading the idea. I just can’t stand them, and my children feel similarly if I’m honest. But I have no idea how to get out of seeing her children but still maintain the friendship? I wouldn’t be friends with someone who didn’t like my kids, so it seems duplicitous to put her in that situation, even if she doesn’t know why.
do I need to give her up as a friend? As I’ve said, we are both single so meeting up without the children is really hard to manage

OP posts:
Butterkist8 · 07/10/2023 22:24

I had to let go of a potential friend .

My son needed protecting from her 'bitey' child.

After two meet ups where my son had been bitten ( one was so nasty and drew quite a bit of blood) I felt that enough was enough.
Potential friend explained that her son was trying to be affectionate.

Bollox.

Circumferences · 07/10/2023 22:21

How old are the children involved?

If they're pre school eg 2-4 the other children's behaviour seems perfectly normal and something you just need to be more tolerant of.

Older than that ( eg 6+) I'd have second thoughts about maintaining friendship because what you describe is really bad behaviour for older children.

Froggiebobbie · 07/10/2023 22:13

Just keep it in mind that you can’t control someone else’s kids, no matter their age. It is her job to parent and discipline them, and their behaviour may not be very acceptable but they’re still kids and growing up, but it depends on their age really.
You could have a conversation with her about the behaviour but if it doesn’t change, then maybe you should cut off the friendship. It would also be more important to know how old those kids are, so i can tell if it is normal for their age or not.
I don’t understand how you could hate your friend’s children, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who hates my children. Hate is a strong word and if you feel that strongly about them, I’d stay away. It will be better for your family and her really, and your kids won’t have to deal with hers.

Ididivfama · 07/10/2023 22:10

I agree that hate is a really strong word.

Frozenone · 07/10/2023 22:10

Either meet her for coffee when the kids are at school or with their DF or let the friendship fade away. Be busy.

I met a mum at a baby group and we quickly became friends and saw each other 3-4 times a week at groups, went for coffee, outings etc with DC. However when her DC turned 2 it’s like he flipped a switch and became aggressive towards my DS. She just couldn’t see it although other mutual friends could. They moved away when DC were 4 and I’ve let the friendship slide away.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 07/10/2023 22:05

Avoid as much as poss. Cinema …. can’t talk, trampling…. they’ll be elsewhere

Lamelie · 07/10/2023 22:05

Froggiebobbie · 07/10/2023 22:03

Maybe meet up with her for a coffee, and you could have a chat about how you and your kids felt about her children’s behaviour and discuss how you could make it work if there is a next time.

Never in all human existence has that worked.

Lamelie · 07/10/2023 22:04

No don’t subject your children to hers again. Meet her without them of an evening. I have a couple of dear friends who I’d meet without their dc, now they’re all grown up the children are lovely and everyone gets on independently- I’m glad I maintained the relationships.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 07/10/2023 22:04

Be busy or meet during school days if you can. You cannot tell her how you feel about her children, of course she’s going to defend them, as she should. Kids grow up quickly and then it won’t matter because they’ll be busy.

Froggiebobbie · 07/10/2023 22:03

Maybe meet up with her for a coffee, and you could have a chat about how you and your kids felt about her children’s behaviour and discuss how you could make it work if there is a next time.

Paynefully · 07/10/2023 22:03

How old are the kids?

It doesn’t actually matter. YABU to ‘hate’ any children.
Yeah ok some children are harder to be around than others.. but how can you actually ‘hate’ someone else’s children?

if you can’t tolerate them, cut the friendship off. Your attitude towards them will become obvious and you will either make them self conscious or you’re heading for confrontation from the mother.