Regret being older mum

I had my first at 37 and my second at 41. I don't regret it for a second-except briefly occasionally when I think I might have had more children. What do you regret?

Oh no not this again. Please no more mum wars.

You are not old.

Now we have older mums insulted because they must be ancient by your standards.

And others are trying to make them feel better by inadvertently knocking younger mums.

What is the obsession with age of being a mum on this site? Everybody just live your own life.

On what plannet is this old?
This isn't the 1970s
People don't meet their hubby's at the local dance and marry at 21

So you did that. And your're not an older parent.

So what is your problem? You wish you hadn't bothered to have stability of be financially ready before you had children? That makes no sense.

You're not old

I find this thread extremely insulting to actual older Mums. I had my one and only DC at 37 and sadly we couldn’t seem to conceive a second. I’m now 43 and would love to have what you have.

Dude... Just... get a grip.
People are having kids in their 40s.
If you feel low on energy, talk to your doctor. That is NOT an age thing!

I am 14 weeks pregnant at 40, my first pregnancy, and I dont feel low on energy, so maybe what you need is a medical check up!
SMH

No matter what option you had taken, there will always be some misgivings about some life choices. Its just human to have a bit of 'buyers regret'! You are not old by any means.

I wouldn’t call that ‘older’, not nowadays. My dd had hers at 38,,39, and nearly 43. Several of her friends have been similar.

It was different a few decades ago of course. I was down in my notes as an ‘elderly primigravida’ at 28 - and to be fair, the other new mums on the ward were 19-23 ish.

An Older mum, are you taking the piss?

I was 43 when I had DS (DH in his 50’s) and my friend was 46 when she had her DS.

I have zero regrets because we’re all healthy and very happy.

I was the second youngest in my NCT class at 31

First born at 40 after thinking I’d never conceive. No regrets :)

For example I'm one of the youngest mums at the birthday parties for dd's class. So many data points to tell me I'm a youngish mum having had her at 31.

We don't regret it at all! I was 36 and 39 when our two were born (husband older) and we've been able to retire early so have been around for all the 11+ work, school events etc. A decade earlier and we'd have both been so busy with work etc that it would have been really stressful. The only thing is that I'd have liked to be a younger grandparent when the time comes - I'll probably be in my 60s or even 70s.

That doesn't even register as an 'older mum' to me!

I assumed from the title you'd be saying you'd had first child in your 40s and saying you're exhausted and older than all the other mums.

You're not a 'older' mum at all. What you've prioritised re: money is entirely normal and most people don't think twice about it. It sounds like you come from backgrounds where most people have kids younger but honestly what you've done is totally normal and responsibile.

As others have said there's no point feeling regret, you can't change it and honestly it's not something to be regretting in the first place.

i had mine at 32,33 and 37. Never considered myself an older parent to any of them! I am in London though. Youngest is now 3.5 and I’m 41. I’ve got plenty of energy, a nice flexible professional job that I do part time and financial security. No regrets at all.

And this too. Older is me being 41. At 31 I wasn't even ready to have a child. In fact don't know anyone who had a child that 'young'.

I don't think people really get your post. I do, so I hope I can help. I had ds at 33. Difficult birth and hated newborn stage. Decided against no. 2 because I felt old and broken - my body has never felt the same since and I do wonder if I would have 'bounced back' better in my 20s and been able to regain the fitness that I can't seem to now as always have niggles / injuries. If I might have had a second dc etc etc.

There are a couple of things that helped me. Firstly, I remembered that in my 20s I didn't want dc and at the time I wouldn't have been happy, I was more interested in travel, partying, work, hobbies. Maybe you felt differently, but you made your decision for good reasons. You might have had more energy in your 20s but you may have been stressed out for financial reasons. You might have decided against more kids because you couldn't afford it or you wanted to progress your career. Maybe your relationship wouldn't be as strong now.

I think it is very easy to look at the road not travelled and think if I'd done x,y,z my life would be better, but the reality could have been quite different. Mindfulness helps, as does focusing on the good things about the path you did choose. E.g. for me, I have much more patience and empathy than I did in my 20s, that I think makes me a better parent. Dc is very suited to being an only in terms of personality. For you, it could be financial security and the extra opportunities you can give your kids - Maybe the holidays and days out you enjoy wouldn't have been possible if you'd had them earlier.

I for one am not offended but just a bit baffled why you would think you've had your kids old when you've had them at an average age. Who/what is making you feel this way...? Don't you have colleagues, friends etc who have had kids to give you a benchmark for how old mums are...?

Yes Op if you have low energy it may be worth asking for a blood test. Could it also be because you have a young child, not getting enough sleep? Having a child at 32 has certainly knackered me!

Technically 31 is the average age to have a first child so you are literally the perfect average.

I think it would be foolish to have done the opposite. I'm an older mum, 2nd child when I was 40! Almost everyone in my dc class seem to be around the same age too. Why would being financially stable, secure jobs and housing be anything but the best situation to bring children into.

As your children grow up you'll learn the true meaning of "the best laid plans of mice and humans of unspecified gender..." They have a way of taking all the ideas we had about planning the perfect family life around them, throwing them all down the toilet and coming up with something random, unforeseen, delightful and/or exasperating instead, which you're then forced to work around and work your thinking around with no preparation whatsoever.

Trust me, when they're 18 the fact that you weren't the "right" age when they were born will be the least of the shattered preconceptions you look back and either laugh or cry about.

Older mum 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣