Regret being older mum

I wouldn’t have said you were an older mum tbh. I had my eldest at just turned 20 and I wish I’d waited longer, I don’t regret it but I do recognise we would have both benefited me being a few years older. I can’t change it though so it is what it is, there’s no point dwelling on it and have to make the best of your situation.

Wow, I had my first at 38 and didn't think it was that old. I do get what you mean; I wish I'd started earlier but honestly wouldn't class you as an older mum at all. I'm trying for my second and will prob be 40 but don't feel it and I don't think my parenting is any less fun or adventurous than a 20 year old.

I thought when you said "older mum" that you were like 45 or something. Most of my friends were having their first children around 37 are still adding to their families now at around 42-43.

No one in my friend/social group even started having kids until early-mid 30's. Not one. I had my first at 37 and now have a small bunch of them, the most recent at 42. DH was in his 40's when the first one came along. It's all good, as they say.

In the most compassionate way possible, OP, none of you actually say in your OP should be an issue. Having a first baby at 31 would be pretty swift in my book!

YAB massively U

32 is not an "older mum".

Late 30s to mid 40s is going towards "older mum", the majority where I am.

I can't imagine having children so young you didn't get a chance to have a life, enjoy freedom and make the most of your child-free years. You'll never get them back, even when children move out as adults, they are still your kids, you are still helping financially. It's great, but what a pity not to have a few years for fun before the kids happen.

Why on earth do you think you are an "older mum" at 32? What can you possibly think you missed?

I wish that women could know how different they might feel during the perimenopause years and factor THAT in when planning children, never mind anything else. But no-one does think of that. At 36 you may not feel lacking in energy as a parent. But fast forward 12 years and you might find (unexpectedly) that you feel VERY different physically and mentally. I am 50 now and really struggling with menopause (I always thought people exaggerated for effect but no, it's real. It's not pleasant).

But thankfully I had my firsst at 30 and my second 2 years later. Now one child is nearly 20 and away at university and the other is 17 and hopefully this time next year will be going off too and starting his own independent life. I am exhausted, moods all over the place, I feel so done with the responsibilities and busyness of parenting, and I would not want to wish that on anybody who has children who are only just entering the teenage years. That's going to be a pretty crap combination of hormones flying around! Combine that with elderly parents to possibly care for, or plan the funeral of, and I hope that everyone can steel themselves for what may well be difficult years ahead. I had no idea I would feel like this at this age, and while I know that things will get better it's a rocky time.

You're not an older mum. I don't think you would have been considered an older mum by most, even if this was 80s.

First baby at 32 is quite late? The average age of a first time mother in the UK is 30 yrs and 9 months so you're not exactly aged having your first at 32.

And have you ever read posts by people who are paying for nursery fees whilst also trying to save for a deposit for a house? Sounds bloody nightmarish. So stop with the 'boo hoo I regret waiting until we were financially stable before starting a family'

Splash your face with cold water and give yourself a talking to.

I'm late 50s and most of my friends didn't have children till their 30s or even early 40s. None of my 20 something colleagues have children. The colleagues that do started having babies in their 30s, other than one outlier who became pregnant accidentally at 18, 30 years ago.

It's totally normal as far as I'm concerned. Last I heard the average age for a first baby was 29 and that is skewed by those who get pregnant in their teens / early 20s. It's harder too to get on the housing ladder these days so it's quite natural to wait until you have. My friends and were able to buy as singles in our mid to late 20s but that's far less likely nowadays.

You can still easily have a 3rd child.

I had mine at 35 and 37. We prioritised getting careers on the right track and buying a decent house before we had kids. No regrets at all

Had mine at 40 and 42. It was considered old, I think it’s more normal now.

DH was 50 when we had our second too.

It would be unusual round my area if you’d had your kids any younger tbh.

You’re not an older mum at all. I’d say 40+ is an older mum now days.

"Some houses"!!!

You're also REALLY young. Stop worrying.

I'm interested what part of the country you live in as most in London seem to be mid 30 for first

I had my DS at 44. So no, you're not old!!😆

I had mine at 33 and 36, they are 22 and 18 now, both at home still.
I never thought twice about being an older mum because even then 20 years ago l wasnt.
But what l will say is l am so glad l stuck at two, because l am exhausted. I feel more tired now than ever before and everyone l know my age is saying the same. What with work, menopause, elderly parent and two young adults it's non stop. I am also a lone parent. I have kept very fit and active it was never a problem in my 30s and 40s but l had no idea life would be this busy at this stage of my life. There is no way l could have managed with a third.

Maybe you'll be lucky and have twins :)

It's not normal to be feeling so old and low of energy at your age though. Have you had you thyroid checked? Are you generally healthy and a healthy weight?
I didn't have my first DC until I was 38, and I wasn't the oldest at my NCT group by a long way (she was 46).

Get your iron checked OP and your thyroid. And I think most people with young dc are knacked all the time at whatever age, but is there anything proactive you can do - does dp pull his weight, can you improve your diet, up your childcare, reduce work hours, get a cleaner? And ignore everyone taking personal offence because they had their kids in their 40s. You can regret your own decisions for yourself without judging other people's.

No need to apologise OP, you don't have to align with other people's ideas of "older". It's personal and you've had a bit of a pile on. Some people will feel mid-thirties is older, some won't. It isn't insulting to have differences of opinion.

Not old at all
if any consolation, I'm glad my parents waited, mum was 38 when she had me and i still had to share a room, be very very careful with heating bills etc

31 is young to start having kids IMHO.

This too. I had my first at 30 and friends didn't start until a few years later. I was one of the younger mums at the school gates. I live in the South East not far from London - maybe it's a demographic thing?

Some of us don't have a choice. I met DH when I was 31 and he was 40. We were infertile and had our one-and-only via IVF / ICSI when I was 38 and DH was 47. It was hard, but the upside is that DS is now 23 and living his best life with his dream job. He hasn't suffered from being an only child and has friends from all over the world. I don't mean this as a stealth brag, but DH is retired while I'm semi-retired, we're mortgage-free in a high-value house and we're healthy and active with many interests and enjoy travelling. DS is making his own way in the world but what is ours is his and he will get a good inheritance. Although we would have loved to have another (I still sometimes think about his failed-twin and failed-triplet siblings), we are lucky to have him and we're still a family. Sorry, but I don't understand your problem.

Also depends on where you live. In London, we were not the oldest parents by a long shot. Everyone was around the same age as us or even older. Now we live in the country, I feel ancient at the school gates and regularly bump into people around here in their early 50s with 17-18 year old grand kids!