Regret being older mum

I had my first at 41, second at 42 and I don't feel like an old mum. Although objectively I know I am.
No reasons as noble as yours for leaving it till my 40s. Just far too busy having fun. Some people would rather have them young, some would rather wait. I don't think you'll find many that think 32 is older mother territory though.

I wouldn't rule out a 3rd yet. You do still have time. You could easily have your 3rd at 37/38.

I was 32 conceiving DD1 and 33 having her. I conceived DC2 at 36 will be almost 37 when she is born.

I maybe wish I had started trying for DC2 3-6 months earlier but Im happy with what I did with my life before we had children and I don't think I could have coped with a very small age gap x

Im as perplexed as the other posters, OP! I was ever so slightly older than you (34 then 36) and never considered myself an older mum. When I started going to baby groups most of the other mums were my age or older. The couple of women in their late twenties were the outliers.
I do know a lot of people from my home town who had kids much younger so from 18 onwards. But that was never ever for me. Parenting is hard and it's a commitment. I can look back fondly on my 20s when DH and I spent our time travelling/ socialising/ building our careers without worrying about nursery fees etc. I feel lucky to have had all those experiences and having got a lot out of my system, so now I don't feel I've missed out on things when my life now has to revolve around my DC.

A very small but detailed study

The data set of 2226 women born between 1624 and 1715
These women bore their last child at an average age of 41.5 years...

it's hardly a modern concept to have a child past your 30s

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43.. Downsides to all ages ime.

I don't think 35 is an older mum. In a lot of trusts now a mum is classed as older if she is over 40. 34 is young to be feeling low on energy. To be honest, getting proper quality sleep, a good diet, and exercise (ie being generally healthy) probably makes as much difference as having a kid a few years earlier. Sometimes I do think 'what if...' but I think I'd regret not having the amazing times we had in our late 20s and early 30s if we'd had kids young

I had mine in my early forties. No issues with energy. They’re both adult now but I still don’t have an issue with energy. In fact even in my sixties I’m probably still capable of looking after young children (not obviously planning on having any 😬). I’d be concerned about having such a lack of energy in my early thirties.

31 makes you a very young mum at my kid's school

I had my 3 at exactly the same age as you've put in your OP... I have never considered myself an 'older Mum' and have never regretted a thing. As a matter of fact, we're 41 and 46 now and if my husband insisted, I'd be open to trying for a 4th 😊

31 isn't old 😂 I had twins at 38

20 is considered young, 40 older, but there's no lack of mum having children mid-40s, and that has been the cases for ages. We pretend that women only had children when they were barely out of their teens, that's not true, the last children were born much later.

There's no lack of data online about it.

Since when is 30s old? Plenty time to have 2, 3 or more children in your 30s?

I had my second at 37, I wouldn't say that's a particularly old age to have a third child. It's quite common now to have a first in late thirties or early forties, I'd say an 'older mum' would be in their forties these days

i dont think being a mum at 31/32 is older at all these days. Also surely you are seeing benefits of being financially stable first…

Gosh I’m 35 and had my first at 34, I was one of the youngest on my antenatal classes. I am in London though which is a bit different maybe? I never thought of myself as old!

If this is all you have to worry about I’d say you’re doing okay. Regretting being something you’re not (an older parent) is madness.

I find it's usually young mums at the school playground. I am 41yo with a 6yo. But also my eldest is 16yo. I have children in-between my eldest and youngest too.

You are not an older mum whatsoever... Had all of my DC in my 30s.in fact nearly all of my friends were mid to late 30s before they had children. Nowadays I think it's better to have security and a good life established for many reasons before you raise a family.

Firstly, I don't feel like an "older" mum but I have no regrets and I'm the same age as you (first born at 31 years old, second at 34). I had a bloody good decade in my 20s full of studying, working, travelling, friends, whole decade with my husband before our first came along.
Sorry to sound harsh, op but you are not "old" and there's no point regretting the age as there is nothing you can do about it now anyway. Sounds to me like waiting to be financially stable was a smart decision and you've given your kids a better life because of it.

I am not making myself feel better, or slagging off anyone. The question was not "should WOMEN do this or that", but "has anyone"? I can only talk for myself, the answer is no, for the reasons I said.

Looking at the threads of mothers drowning, bored to death in maternity leave, but not coping with full time job and children.. it's pretty clear not everyone had children at the right time in life.

I know someone with 10 children. Had her first at 16. Lots of time to have a family.

Once your child starts school and groups, I think you’ll realise that in fact you are relatively young parents. In my NCT class, there were 7 women all were aged between 34 and 36 having their first. At school everyone is pretty much my age I’m 43 with a 5 and 8 year old (I had them at 35 and 38). I think your perception is quite skewed, well it is for 2023. I think the fact you’re tired is just being a Mum, whether you’re 23 or 43 it’s fucking knackering.

I had mine at 25, 34 and currently pregnant at 37, will be 38 at birth.
I asked my midwife this time if I’m old/too old and she said no.
with my first I was one of the youngest at the school gate, with my second I am around average age at the school gate, there are some a fair bit older than me. So I am expecting with my third I will be a fraction over average age at the school gate.

I am not sure why you think giving your kids financial stability is a thing to regret 😂🤦🏽‍♀️
granted I am extremely lucky, but my first was the most difficult to conceive, 7 months trying. My second was a surprise conceived on contraception. My third was conceived on the first try, at 37… I don’t think you’re pressured for time at all really. When I had my implant taken out for the third I asked the nurse if she thought I’d struggle due to my age and she said that she often has women in their 40s Starr trying and falling pregnant. I don’t know why you think 37 is too old for you to have a third! I think it’s a fairly normal age for women having multiple kids to be on their second or third. A friend of mine said to me yesterday that she was my age when she had her third too and she has four kids!!

Had my first at 33, second at 36 and third at 39, one week before my 40th birthday. Didn't feel older and still don't now they are 14, 17 and 20. They keep me young lol x

Actually it's not your fault - it's the fault of society. My Mum had me at 21, my parents could buy a house and settle down on one salary then, today it's a lot harder.
Oldermumhum · Today 18:32
We have stable jobs and decent Household incomes and some houses. But, I regret we kept chasing these things and feeling financially stable before we started family. We should have prioritised having a family over these things.
You did the right thing - it just takes you into your 30s.
There's no use regretting it, just make the most of what you have.

You are unfit or unhealthy in some way then.

You aren't an older mum.

You are an average age mum.