Regret being older mum

i had mine when i was a few months off 24 and 30.1/2

i was with their dad from age 18 and both were tried for and very wanted and i was very surprised when i did get pregnant as i have severe PCOS and ive never had a period ,2nd took 4 years of clomid tablets.

no idea how both were conceived with zero periods but they were.

we were together 22 years in total and never used any contraception(both each others firsts and i was supposed to be infertile) so i would have had as many as came along at any age

im 42 now nearly 43 and im desperate for another one.
trouble is ive no man anymore as he left me for my ex BF in 2020

your age its very normal, so many start way later

a close friend had a baby at 53 in feb her 9th. she's also 7 months pregnant with her 10th and 11th she will be 54 when they are born

just cant believe how fertile she is for her age and how she catches so quick
she takes a herbal version of clomid and a Chinese medicine herb for fertility and is adamant its works

she started at 42 and just continued, 8 and 9 are 8 months apart as 9th came 2 months early

all home births as well as SIL is a midwife but very small babies as they are between 4-5llbs
babies 8 and 9 have down syndrome as do baby 10 and 11 but shes not bothered

4 oldest have asd or adhd and its very probable that the younger ones do as well they are just to young to get diagnosed
dad has ASD and gets his own disability money for it

so the DLA money (and all the other benefits that come with it) they get coming in is well in the thousands

kids are well looked after though and well loved and they are a happy family

all breastfed as well even the oldest ones
they turn up to groups in 2 mini vans

she's part off my home education group and they are the hippy vegan non vaccine type.
im trained in asd(i have a ex with it and 2 kids and taken courses which resulted in a qualification)so i help her out as i understand the kids needs
this is a extreme example i know but these type of older mothers do exist

so a lot of people think as long as your bodies capable to and you can support them why not

not all families do childcare, nurseries or school(well not in the home education community i know of)so don't have to think about that cost

We had four in five years. Sometimes I think that more spaced out would have been easier, as we always had another one coming through so there was less time to enjoy each as an individual.

Your grass looks really green from where I'm standing.

You're not an older mum, you are the average age for first time mum 🙄

I genuinely have no idea why you're calling yourself an "older mum" Surely you know that's not true?

Had mine at 39 and 42. Wouldn't change a thing and hope my children at least wait until they reach 30 before having children.

I had my kids at 37, 38 and 40 I feel lucky I had a great life and a good career before I had them and my life experiences helped me become a good Mom.

You're being a bit ridiculous thinking 32 makes you an older mum. I was 34 and only able to have one child. Be grateful you appear able to have more than one when you're still technically 'young'.

I don’t think 31 is old but I do know what you mean. I am 30, single and childless after having spent my 20s doing what I thought I should be doing and building a career. I moved a long way away from home for a (very good) job, did long hours, lots of exams, didn’t go on holiday, didn’t really make friends there.. But actually I hate my job, am behind my peers, want to change career but have no idea what!

There are other factors at play for me but I just wish I hadn’t wasted all that time on this stupid career. I have friends that feel the same. I do wonder if our generation were pushed to be “career girls” more than previous generations because it wasn’t available to them in the way it is to us.

Um I thought you'd be 10 years older than what you actually are by the sounds of the start of the post. You are not an older mum, not even medically. Yes I am an older mum, more financially secure than 10 years ago, but we can't predict the future. So go for it.

You're not an older mum though. I had my first at 38 and my second at 41. At 41 I'd say I was an older Mum. At 38, not so much.

I opened this thread thinking you had your first baby at 40+ !!!!!

Like others I wouldn’t see you as an older mum at all. You’ve made an entirely rational decision. Life with small children is tiring however old you are. Realistically if you want 3 that is going to take time. 37 doesn’t sound old for number 3 either. Everyone. I know with 3 either has two and a surprise third some years later or seems to have planned a max 2 year gap between them.

Realistically do you think things would be better for you if you started 4 years early and were less financially secure? I’m not sure why you think you’d be any less tired? I feeel like I’d struggle with a baby now but that is beside my children are now primary and have reached a different life stage- it is nothing to do with my age or health.

I had mine at 30, 32 and 35. Glad to have had my 20s without children and able to be fairly selfish with my earnings. Plenty of friends similar ages.

It’s really lovely to have retired last year while my grandchildren are still little. I’d have hated working full time and not being able to help.

I wouldn’t say you’re an older mum though

I had my first at 36. Not out of choice but a long battle with infertility. In another life my oldest would be coming up ten now not one but it’s how it’s worked out and I can’t imagine being without him. Sometimes the decision is taken away from us and we’re lucky we have them when we do.

Mine born at 32, 35 and 39. The only thing I do wonder is whether having them closer together might have been easier. Feels like we have been in the baby/toddler age forever!

I feel it had big advantages being an older mum. I had mine at same age to yourself, but looking back I had a great child free life in my 20’s. Travelling, lots of holidays with boyfriends and friends. I havefriends who had dcs when early 20’s, and at 40 were trying to re-live what they missed out on pre-children. Not as much fun in your 40’s as in your care free 20’s though..

The past is the past. You can't change it. Don't spend your time dwelling on what ifs and if onlys. That's a really fast route to bitterness and envy.

Celebrate what you have. A beautiful child, a lovely relationship, a secure home, a good income and a career.

And get a health check.

I think kids are great at whatever age you have them.

They're also hard work at whatever age you have them.

And they will disrupt your life at whatever age you have them.

But you can still have a life at whatever age you have them.

There are pros and cons. I don't think it's a competition or one decision is better than another.

Yeah you're not an old mum in your mid 30s! Not a YOUNG age to have your first exactly, but not 'old.'

And you're right, the rude and unpleasant comments aimed at young mums on here are so horrible.

God forbid you say anything against 'older mums' though

Shoulda woulda coulda

Live with your choices.

I do get what you're saying, but nothing positive will come from wishing you did something you didn't, and if you keep dwelling on it there is a major risk that your kids will pick up on the fact that you're not happy and that will damage your relationship. Be the grown up.

I would focus on the fact that you can still enjoy their childhood, whereas if you'd had kids 10 years ago they would already be half way grown. Feel happy about the choices you made.

@Amotherlife · Today 19:31

I feel sad for people who have babies in their 20s. It's like they're barely grown up and have had no time to work out who they are or what they want from life. My 20s were halcyon days - had loads of fun, met lots of people and had lots of great experiences. Accidentally got pregnant at 24, and though it wasn't an easy choice, and I did feel sad about it for a while, I terminated as I felt I'd just started my proper adult life, being only 3 months into my first professional post. (And no thoughts of marrying my then boyfriend.)

There are plenty of benefits and upsides to having children younger (I don't mean 16!) but like early to mid 20s. I would much rather myself, or a child of mine had 2 kids by 25-26, than not start til they're 43-44!

The kids will still be at school when you're 60! Errr no thanks! Also, when they have babies of their own, you'll very likely be 70-odd, and incapable of helping them because of declining health, poor eyesight, poor hearing, painful/stiff joints etc.

If THEY decide to leave having kids til 43-44, you'll be in your late 80s by the time your grandkids are born! (Or even worse, no longer here.)

Far better to have them at 23-24 than 43-44, for so many reasons. Even so, around 28-29 is probably the most ideal time IMO. But better 23-24 than 43-44 IMO.

To suggest that if you have children in your 20s, that's your life ruined is ludicrous, incorrect, and plain daft. Also, your '20s' is not the only decade you can have lots of fun and good times in.

And shocker! You can still have loads of fun, days and weeks away, and great times with children!!! I know! Weird right!

Patronising bollocks.

As a young parent I still:
Got several degrees
Lived in a shared house for some time
Learned to drive
Went on holiday with friends and with my dc
Got my own house
And have lots of fun with my own family now

No desire to travel or party and wouldn't do it even if I didn't become a parent. Bit sad if your entire life depends on travelling to be happy. Must be miserable the other 330 days of the year. Especially if you have dc now. Oh dear.

i had my DDs at almost 33. I loved having our 20s to ourselves to have fun.