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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find this man creepy on my walk?

140 replies

meggy96 · 28/09/2023 15:48

So I'm a 27 year old woman, dp and I moved recently from a city to a very rural hamlet. Opposite our house there is a large field which leads to a rather large, deep forest. Both of these nearly never have any other walkers, I've seen other dog walkers maybe three times since we moved here.

We have a young spaniel who I walk 95% of the time due to dp's working hours. When he and I walk the dog together, we walk through the field and then through the forest so I know the route and am familiar with the area. Neighbours mentioned that this forest does have some dodgy activity (dognapping in particular) so I've been hesitant to go in there on my own, dp has said this is a bit dramatic.

Today, I decide the dog needs a good long walk so I walk her across the field and then decide "be a big girl" ... I'll go into the forest. I'm about three minutes into the forest when up ahead of me, through the forest, I see a man walking towards me, on his own, no one with him and no dog. Highly unusual I think to myself. Then, I notice he stops walking, stays still and observes me, before turning around on himself and walking the way he'd came from (the direction I'm going) which is deeper into the forest. I immediately panicked, turned on my heel and ran with my dog back the way I'd come, through the forest and into the field, all the way home. I got home heart racing. Dp says it was probably nothing, probably it was -- but I just got a bad feeling. Aibu?

OP posts:
Letitgonowgr · 28/09/2023 16:32

No one will ever know! Someone walking alone without a dog isn’t weird at all! But given you’ve been advised not to go in there alone, I wouldn’t!

PurpleMonkeys · 28/09/2023 16:31

"I see a man walking towards me, on his own, no one with him and no dog. Highly unusual I think to myself."

Are people out allowed in woods now j less they have other people or a dog?

I go to the woods on my own all the time.
Find a quiet spot. Pitch up a tarp and sit and listen to the world. I often take a little stove to make coffee and food too.

Seeing a person alone in the forest should not be seen as highly unusual. Him turning back could be anything, maybe he sat for a spell and forget his bag or phone when I moved on? Maybe it reached a set time and turned back to head home?

YANBU to have felt how you felt.
But, if you'd run into a 5ft6 Portly middle aged woman sweating and panting cause --i'm-- she's carrying a back pack and she was on her own in the woods, you'd probably not have reacted the same, which is understandable in this day and age I suppose..

CharlotteBog · 28/09/2023 16:31

Odd thread.

I see a man walking towards me, on his own, no one with him and no dog. Highly unusual I think to myself.

Why did you think this was unusual?

Neighbours mentioned that this forest does have some dodgy activity (dognapping in particular) so I've been hesitant to go in there on my own
Today, I decide the dog needs a good long walk so I walk her across the field and then decide "be a big girl" ...*

Walking on your own in a place with known suspicious activity isn't being a big girl, it's making an informed decision to go somewhere where you might not be safe.

I often walk alone to clear my head. I walk across the fields hoping I don't come across anyone. Often I am muttering to myself (just offloading whatever it is that's bothering me), and I really, really want to be alone. I will turn around if I see someone coming towards me, or will turn back if I know I'm going to catch someone up. Sometimes I'll be on the phone to the Samaritans so obviously don't want to see anyone. I guess being a lone woman is less potentially threatening than a lone man. I feel sorry for the vast, vast majority of men who find themselves in a position where they could be regarded as a predator - just for going for a walk.

All that said, if you feel uncomfortable the you remove yourself from the situation.

Cowlover89 · 28/09/2023 16:22

Yanbu

Lovemusic82 · 28/09/2023 16:20

I wouldn’t really consider someone walking alone a threat. I walk every day alone, through woodland, fields and heathland, I don’t have a dog (although I would love one). I often stop and look at things, I often forage and I do get people asking me what I’m doing. If I saw someone else walking alone I would probably just assume they are doing the same as me.

meggy96 · 28/09/2023 16:18

@GaspingGekko Yeah exactly it was the fact he observed me, paused, then made the decision to turn around and go back into a very deep forest, where I was headed. Could be a coincidence but that's unlikely, I suppose it could be him trying to be considerate

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 28/09/2023 16:16

jolaylasofia · 28/09/2023 16:15

he was probably looking for abit of alfresco action and saw you with your dog and thought better of it. woods are notorious for hook ups.

Given he was alone, it's far more likely he was just out for a walk.
Men don't just walk around looking for places to have a wank in the wild!

GaspingGekko · 28/09/2023 16:16

@Alargeoneplease89 In general I would agree, nothing specifically odd in turning around on a walk. It was more the timing of it, spotting OP and then turning around.
I often used to walk in the forest and wouldn't really notice the very few other people I came across, but if someone appeared, looked at me and then turned around it would register with me as unusual.

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 16:16

Reason I mention dp is I got rather frustrated with him having no empathy and assuming I'm dramatic and wanted a second opinion.
Fair enough. Yes he has no empathy, no you weren't being dramatic, always good to have a second opinion especially when frustrated. Think that covers it Grin

I would have done the same as you, would rather be overly careful than not.

jolaylasofia · 28/09/2023 16:15

he was probably looking for abit of alfresco action and saw you with your dog and thought better of it. woods are notorious for hook ups.

Catsafterme · 28/09/2023 16:15

I mean this guy could have been innocently walking but in the same light he may not be, and there could be anyone in a forest.

It shouldn't be that way for women but a location like a forest when there's nobody else around is an isolated area for those who would act in that way, whether that's stealing a dog or more.

Always trust your gut and don't go in there if you don't feel comfortable.

MarkWithaC · 28/09/2023 16:14

meggy96 · 28/09/2023 16:10

I mean I've walked this route several times when with dp and just never come across a man (or woman) on their own before so that's more why I said it's unusual. Totally agree that walking alone isn't weird at all, I used to all the time before I had a dog through walking routes but this is slightly off the beaten path, it's a very isolated area. I definitely don't defer to dp when he says I'm being dramatic, I just thought today I'll give it a go...maybe it'll be fine! Nope. I guess I just won't walk there again on my own. Reason I mention dp is I got rather frustrated with him having no empathy and assuming I'm dramatic and wanted a second opinion

So walking alone isn't weird except when it's (what you consider) off the beaten path? That's not fair or particularly reasonable. I don't have a dog but am sometimes to be found in quite isolated areas.
Having said that, you weren't U to avoid this man. I think it's likely that he thought he'd get out of your way rather than freak you out by his presence, but you never know and you can't be too safe.

Alargeoneplease89 · 28/09/2023 16:11

@GaspingGekko why is turning around odd? Maybe he forgot something, maybe that's the point he walks to everyday before heading back? Maybe he sensed she was nervous?

MargotMoon · 28/09/2023 16:11

Of course YANBU. He made you feel uncomfortable and you shouldn't question that.

When I was 12 I was walking in a woods with my adult neighbour and her 2 DC (both younger than me). A man came up and asked us if we'd seen his dog and we said no. He was acting weird but we carried on walking. A few minutes later he emerged from behind a tree and flashed us and was masturbating. My neighbour was so upset (understandably) and blamed herself (even though it was obviously not her fault) for not turning us all back after the first encounter.

Deathbyfluffy · 28/09/2023 16:11

As a man, it's always been drummed into me that women shouldn't feel uncomfortable because of male presence - which in an isolated place is perfectly natural given how things are these days (which is sad in itself).
Personally I always give lone women a wide berth just so they don't feel uncomfortable; I don't think I'm particularly scary-looking but if I can help them feel more comfortable, I will do.

It's a shame for both the women who feel this way and the innocent men who encounter them with no ill intentions, but I accept it's just how society is.

meggy96 · 28/09/2023 16:10

I mean I've walked this route several times when with dp and just never come across a man (or woman) on their own before so that's more why I said it's unusual. Totally agree that walking alone isn't weird at all, I used to all the time before I had a dog through walking routes but this is slightly off the beaten path, it's a very isolated area. I definitely don't defer to dp when he says I'm being dramatic, I just thought today I'll give it a go...maybe it'll be fine! Nope. I guess I just won't walk there again on my own. Reason I mention dp is I got rather frustrated with him having no empathy and assuming I'm dramatic and wanted a second opinion

OP posts:
CrunchyCarrot · 28/09/2023 16:10

You removed yourself from a situation that frightened you. Nothing wrong with doing that, because you removed yourself from harm's way, if indeed any harm was intended. Obviously the man may have had completely innocent motives, but sadly women have to be very careful, it's not right, but there we are.

GaspingGekko · 28/09/2023 16:09

YANBU to listen to your guy reaction. I don't think women should ever believe that they were wrong to get out of a situation that doesn't feel right.

That said, while his turning around was odd, I don't think someone out walking alone in a forest is that odd.

bonzaitree · 28/09/2023 16:08

Trust your gut! Don’t go in the wood again if you don’t feel safe!

Alargeoneplease89 · 28/09/2023 16:07

Maybe he turned around because he didn't want to frighten you, as there is alot of acknowledgement online with lone women feeling intimidated I.e. a man will cross the road at night instead of walking pass.
I think its bit of an over reaction because you got yourself worked up before going there. What sort of dog do you have? Normally they are a deterrent.

Azaeleasinbloom · 28/09/2023 16:07

Err on the side of caution OP. Rather change your route than deal with a potential risk. Shame for all of us really, the women who have to be so on edge and the men who are perfectly innocent.

Azandme · 28/09/2023 16:05

Unfortunatelyyes · 28/09/2023 16:01

Didn't he turn around to go into the forest, where op was heading? He could easily have waited for her in there.

There's no point forcing yourself into an uncomfortable scenario imo. Too many women in the news are being randomly attacked and killed by men walking through parks and woods for me to pretend I'm ok with that.

He went back the way he came.

He had no expectation that the op would be there, she's never gone there before.

If a person is uncomfortable ofc they shouldn't force themselves to stay in a situation - but that discomfort doesn't mean the man in question was in any way a threat.

When you look at the murders and crimes against women very very few are by random strangers. You're more at risk with people you know.

beeswaxinc · 28/09/2023 16:04

I hate when women’s instincts to protect themselves are palmed off as them being “dramatic”.

Trust your instincts, it doesn’t mean he is a bad man, the point is he could be and you don’t know. Having had many similar situations with some getting very dicey and upsetting, you are never doing anything wrong by choosing not to walk a route that you know a man or group of men are taking.

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 16:03

Neighbours mentioned that this forest does have some dodgy activity (dognapping in particular) so I've been hesitant to go in there on my own, dp has said this is a bit dramatic.

Dp says it was probably nothing, probably it was
So you dismiss the neighbours experience and local knowledge but believe your DP because of...?

Follow your gut instinct regarding the man but also look at why you unquestionably allow DP to march all over your boundaries. That's not normal.

Unfortunatelyyes · 28/09/2023 16:01

Azandme · 28/09/2023 15:58

This.

Or he's incredibly shy and introverted and was worried the spaniel lady might try to talk to him!

A person wanting to harm another is unlikely to do a swift 180 and walk away at speed - it kinda defeats the purpose.

Didn't he turn around to go into the forest, where op was heading? He could easily have waited for her in there.

There's no point forcing yourself into an uncomfortable scenario imo. Too many women in the news are being randomly attacked and killed by men walking through parks and woods for me to pretend I'm ok with that.