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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say they can’t visit with their dog?

134 replies

blutterfly · 26/09/2023 06:02

We live 4hrs from my parents. We have two primary aged children. We hardly see them anyway but they’ve recently got a puppy. A bouncy thing. We have an old and very nervous cat, who hides most days under the bed when we have visitors.

We have visited them since puppy arrived. DM has asked if they can visit us and bring puppy. I’ve said no it’s not fair on our cat. As far as I see it, it was their choice to get a dog not ours. They should get a pet sitter so they can visit. They’ve never had a dog before and always been cat people, so this is new way of life for them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:21

Keyboard warriors

BlueBlubbaWhale · 26/09/2023 09:20

That should be yanbu 😂

BlueBlubbaWhale · 26/09/2023 09:20

Hamburger even without the cat issue. If you get a dog you have to accept it limits you. It's part of pet ownership and the owners problem not everyone else's. Do boarding kennels not exist anymore?

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:19

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 09:17

Shut the cat upstairs? Put a barrier on the stairs so the puppy can’t go up?

Shut the cat upstairs in it's own territory and then introduce a new smell that it probably freaks out at? That's not going to work.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:18

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:16

Oh do one.

Said to the OP, its her house.

Edited
Show quote history

Says the person who jumps in with similar contributions on every thread like this.
As I said, more 'useful' contributions.

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 09:17

Shut the cat upstairs? Put a barrier on the stairs so the puppy can’t go up?

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:16

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:16

Another useful contribution.
Thanks.

Show quote history

Oh do one.

Said to the OP, its her house.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:16

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:15

🙄

Show quote history

Another useful contribution.
Thanks.

WithoutYou · 26/09/2023 09:15

People are talking about entitled dog owners, but so far there's nothing to say OPs parents are entitled. They've asked if they can bring their dog, it's fine to ask. OP has said no which is also fine.

Presuming they want a relationship with each other, they all need to find a way to see each other which they're all ok with. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:15

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2023 09:12

And you didn't have to comment. And yet you did.
It's kind of how a forum works. People express their opinion and other people express theirs. My opinion is that there is an endless stream of threads about people taking dogs everywhere. It's no less valid than your opinion.

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Your first line wasn't helpful at all, just assuming some sort of superiority.
That needed to be pointed out,
Moving back to the actual topic.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:15

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:14

I said your comment was idiotic.
I didn't say you jumped on her, merely pointed out that she is entitled to recount her experiences like everyone else.

Show quote history

🙄

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:15

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2023 09:12

And you didn't have to comment. And yet you did.
It's kind of how a forum works. People express their opinion and other people express theirs. My opinion is that there is an endless stream of threads about people taking dogs everywhere. It's no less valid than your opinion.

Show quote history

Exactly, we all got an opinion.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:14

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:12

And where did I jump on her. I didn't see the other post they put.

So don't jump on me either.

Edited
Show quote history

I said your comment was idiotic.
I didn't say you jumped on her, merely pointed out that she is entitled to recount her experiences like everyone else.

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2023 09:12

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:08

I was referring to the first line of your comment, not the rest of the advice you gave.

Show quote history

And you didn't have to comment. And yet you did.
It's kind of how a forum works. People express their opinion and other people express theirs. My opinion is that there is an endless stream of threads about people taking dogs everywhere. It's no less valid than your opinion.

DinnaeFashYersel · 26/09/2023 09:12

I wouldn't have a dog in my house so is would be saying no.

YANBU

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:12

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:10

What sort of idiotic comment was that?
Of course her experiences were real to her, and she is allowed to recount those experiences without being jumped on!

Show quote history

And where did I jump on her. I didn't see the other post they put.

So don't jump on me either.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:11

autumnmakesmehappy · 26/09/2023 09:08

Did someone force you to click on the thread?

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👏

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:10

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 08:53

They were real for you, of course.

Show quote history

What sort of idiotic comment was that?
Of course her experiences were real to her, and she is allowed to recount those experiences without being jumped on!

autumnmakesmehappy · 26/09/2023 09:08

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:39

There's been threads like this everyday for the last month now 🥱

Did someone force you to click on the thread?

OlizraWiteomQua · 26/09/2023 09:08

Yanbu, you don't have to have any person or animal in your own home who you don't want there. But ywbu to therefore see your parents less - you'll need to find ways to spend time together which is compatible with everyone's needs.

Be honest - if your elderly cat were to sadly pass on to kitty heaven, would you be welcoming the puppy into your home, or is there another reason you don't want it there? It's fine not to, just don't attribute all your objection to the cat if there's more to it.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:08

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2023 08:40

I commented because meeting halfway seems the easiest solution. Two hours each. Cat is happy. Dog has shorter journey. Dog is not in the house. Kids get to meet the dog. No one has to stay overnight.

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I was referring to the first line of your comment, not the rest of the advice you gave.

autumnmakesmehappy · 26/09/2023 09:03

YANBU. It's your home, you do not have to have a dog in it if you do not want to. My extended family love dogs, me not so much. Therefore, I politely tell them no if they ask to bring their dog. My mum lives three hours from us so she leaves her dog with a dog sitter when she comes to visit.

Jillybloop393 · 26/09/2023 09:02

LolaSmiles · 26/09/2023 06:40

If the issue is a cat, who hides out the way any time there's visitors, then I'd say they're fine to bring the puppy. Presumably you don't ban visitors because the cat doesn't like visitors. It isn't difficult to have separate spaces for the cat and the puppy, and it's a 4 hour drive for them.

If you simply don't want a dog in your house at all that's your call though as it's your house. Just tell them that and don't use the cat as an excuse.

I think this seems the answer.

VenusClapTrap · 26/09/2023 08:59

There has been such a proliferation of entitled dog owners expecting their dogs to be welcome everywhere that I’ve recently installed this sign on my gates.

People never used to assume they could bring their dogs up my drive into my garden, but now it’s constant. For some reason “Oh she loves cats” seems to be an acceptable response to “Please take your dog away, my elderly cat has a heart condition and hates dogs”. Then they stare at me like a rabbit in the headlights unable to process that I don’t melt at the sight of their untrained cockerpoo when I tell them no really, you have to remove the dog right now.

To say they can’t visit with their dog?
Netcam · 26/09/2023 08:56

MeMySonAnd1 · 26/09/2023 08:15

Op, start as you plan to go, today it is a puppy, but won’t stay a puppy forever and will be in their lives for many many years to come.

If they are visiting for the day, meet at a restaurant, park or do a park walk with pub at the end (or a picnic if you don’t want to spend the money in restaurants).

If they are staying over, they need to learn early enough that there are expenses that come with dog ownership: pet sitting and reduced range of holiday accommodation so stand your ground and tell them you don’t want the dog at home. This will obviously reduce how often you see them but also, how often you have to put up with a dog that for whatever reason you don’t want in YOUR house.

Totally agree with this. We would never bring our dog to someone's house unless they were 100% happy with it.