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Original poster

Son has stolen cash from me again

211 replies

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 20:59

When he was around 11 he spent nearly £400 on mydebit card. Lied about it consistently before the evidence became irrefutable. The fallout was huge.

He is now nearly sixteen and I've just discovered he's stolen nearly £200 in cash from my safe. He must have hunted hard for the key. I confiscated his controller and headphones - he just got them out of the car when I was at work this morning.

I'm gutted and confronted him tonight, calling him a thief and a blatant liar. Which he is. He has shown no remorse.

He called me a fat cunt and has locked himself in his bedroom.

I just want him out tbh.

OP posts:
moose62 · 23/09/2023 21:48

Don't give him any birthday presents and when he kicks up a fuss, tell him he stole the money that you were going to buy it with.

fizzypop100 · 23/09/2023 21:48

Adopter here who has had a similar situation. We've had MAST involvement and a social worker. Tell him there is no fostering at that age. They are sent to hostels at 16. Let that be a warning to him

TomatoSandwiches · 23/09/2023 21:46

itsmylife7 · 23/09/2023 21:45

Take him to the nearest Social services building and leave him there.

Refuse to have him back. You're scared of him and he knows it.

Tough love is really needed in this case.

This, you shouldn't have to live scared in your own home.

Sunshinenrain · 23/09/2023 21:46

I don’t usually believe in punishing kids on their birthday but in this case he needs to learn.

Explain to him that you were planning to spend X amount on his birthday and now you need to spend £200 less.

I would be absolutely raging but the angrier you get, the more stressed you’re going to feel.

Does he get an allowance?

The stealing is a bit of a red herring here.

You are implying you are scared of him which is a way bigger deal than him stealing from you!

itsmylife7 · 23/09/2023 21:45

Take him to the nearest Social services building and leave him there.

Refuse to have him back. You're scared of him and he knows it.

Tough love is really needed in this case.

cherry2727 · 23/09/2023 21:44

What have you done about the bullying at school? You seem to just brush over this. Do you think his behaviour could be linked to this ?

agent765 · 23/09/2023 21:42

He knows his rights? Does he understand yours?

Get the foster people there and get him out. He's pulled that card on you, now it's your turn.

If you don't use the X-Box, sell it. Forget about locks. They're not going to stop him and would only be useful if you could hide the spares off the premises and keep the original set on you at all times. In that case, you could see if your room had been entered.

No more shit, OP. Unless the penny drops for both of you that this behaviour stops now, you're both heading for a really miserable life.

ETA I'm watching a friend dealing with the same kind of thing. My heart breaks for her.

Goldencup · 23/09/2023 21:40

£200 is a lot of money, he can't have spent it on sweets and gum. You cannot let this go it is serious, does he get any sort of allowance ? Could he get a job ?

squareyedannie · 23/09/2023 21:33

@Spopssas
I wasn't suggesting you do the same just that I've been in a similar situation.

ShineBright1209 · 23/09/2023 21:32

I’d be definitely be taking his Xbox off him, the fact he will have nothing to do is completely his own fault and part of the consequences of his own actions. Even if he did usually go out and socialise he wouldn’t be at the moment if he was my son because he’d be grounded.

RoseBucket · 23/09/2023 21:31

Hi stole once when he was 11 and again once five years later, he has few friends and family, you want him to hang around with chavs, vape and smoke weed.

There is a bigger picture here and potentially two sides to the story…

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:29

I honestly would be afraid of him if I sold his stuff. He might harm me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:28

squareyedannie · 23/09/2023 21:26

My DS stole from me a few times. In the end I had no option but to throw him out. I don't know your whole story but I do know that there has to be consequences.
It's a horrendous situation to be in.

Throw him out where? I can't throw him out as he's fifteen, 16 in November. He knows his rights and is very versed in them.

OP posts:
squareyedannie · 23/09/2023 21:26

My DS stole from me a few times. In the end I had no option but to throw him out. I don't know your whole story but I do know that there has to be consequences.
It's a horrendous situation to be in.

RoseBucket · 23/09/2023 21:26

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:21

Without his xbox he would literally have nothing to do. He is in cadets but has no mates outside school where we live. Not my fault - I've tried loads of things. But he doesn't like 'chavs' and kids who vape or kids who he considers 'popular wankers' - ie skate boarders, boys who wear caps, boys who have girlfriends and smoke weed. I wish he would do ALL of these bloody things.

?? Eh?

Oldthyme · 23/09/2023 21:24

Gotta woman up for this one OP.
Gotta dish out some tough love & be a strong parent. Bu*ger the outcome, tantrum, shouting. Stay cool. You’ll be doing him a favour. He has a choice; police or forfeit.

Pawn or sell his xbox thingy. He has to learn that actions have consequences. If you pawn it, he pays to get it back but not with stolen money.
Be strong and lay down the boundaries now, or he’ll go from bad to worse.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:24

Thank you for all your suggestions but I have honestly done all of them. We have had family support workers (made zero difference) school involvement (they never follow through), I myself phoned social services a year and a half ago as he insisted he wanted to be fostered. I just want him out now. It's painful as I love him to pieces but he feigns respect for me and has zero empathy for anybody - except animals. Though I have to look after our animals. He can't be bothered.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 23/09/2023 21:23

Don't get him a thing for his birthday and look into having an officer have a word about stealing.

Peacendkindness · 23/09/2023 21:22

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:17

Sell the xbox - he would axe me in the night.

Do it and lock your bedroom door- thieves don’t get to control for what others do and call the police if he is abusive

Motherofalittledragon · 23/09/2023 21:22

16th birthday or not he'd be getting no expensive presents from me for his birthday after stealing £200. He needs to learn actions have consequences.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 23/09/2023 21:21

Take the x-box. Turn off the internet. Take his house key. Put a lock on your bedroom/ other internal doors. Keep the keys, incl those for your car and safe, on your person at all times.
Tell him he can't be trusted right now, and will need to earn your trust back.

Find out how much you'd get for the x-box at somewhere like Cash Converters. It's unlikely to be anywhere near the cost price (or £200). Tell him he has the choice of either paying you back - in instalments if necessary - or having his stuff sold to raise the funds.

Cancel any birthday presents. Unless he manages to apologise properly before then.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:21

Without his xbox he would literally have nothing to do. He is in cadets but has no mates outside school where we live. Not my fault - I've tried loads of things. But he doesn't like 'chavs' and kids who vape or kids who he considers 'popular wankers' - ie skate boarders, boys who wear caps, boys who have girlfriends and smoke weed. I wish he would do ALL of these bloody things.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/09/2023 21:19

I'm normally a softly softly parent, but I think there comes a point where you have to be firm. Under absolutely no circumstances would I be giving him a birthday present. Selling the Xbox is one idea, but could it maybe go in quarantine instead (get a friend to store it out of the house) while he does chores to pay you back. It sounds like he has no respect for you at all, which is devastating as a parent. Can you get anyone to help? Have you talked to the school?

Blendiful · 23/09/2023 21:17

-£200 off his birthday money, if he was getting anywhere near that much. What he wanted he now doesn't get.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:17

Sell the xbox - he would axe me in the night.

OP posts: